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My new girlfriend is better than you,
shes got bigger breasts and a higher IQ.
Mr. T Experience / New Girlfriend
Copyright and contact information is located at the bottom of this magazine.
Jonas EZine Volume 3, Issue 1 :: April 30, 1997
In this issue..
1. Edicius Editorial essay
2. Jonas News and Information
3. Odd Twist of Cyberadventure - compiled by Tom Sullivan
4. The Curse and Blessing of Humanity essay - by Brian Gatti
5. Problems at the Millennium essay/humor - by Auren Hoffman
6. Simon the Ant fiction/humor - by Jeffrey Brayne
7. Poetry - various writers
8. Reviews - by Tom Sullivan
9. Closing Notes and Information
Edicius Editorial
As a suggested alternative to government censorship, net blocking software
has become all the rage lately. Going by names like Cyber Sitter and Net
Nanny, theyve become the valuable tool in the fight against online
pornography and indecent material. Parents dont have to look over their
childrens shoulders anymore, they can rely on a software program to watch
their children for them.
How much more mindless can they get?
When did parents become so lax with their kids that they need the government
and Silicon Valley to protect them? This goes much further then the
indecencies of the Internet, it goes right down to the root of our social
values.
You dont just stumble upon pornography on the Internet, you have to outright
seek it. You have to know where youre going to find it. Years ago, you
could be walking through New York City, and you could come across sex shops
and prostitutes. Thats a lot easier then just browsing the Internet and
stumbling upon www.pornshack.com. Youre not going to get
www.teenangels.com confused with www.shareware.com .. Its not that easy.
If a parent teaches their kid the harmful effects of drugs and really,
truly, instills good values in them, theyre not going to have to
worry about their kid smoking crack on the corner. Same thing here. If a
parent really teaches their kid, they dont have to worry that their kid is
going to be setting up dates with 40 year old guys in drag.
Case in point: my ex-girlfriend. Among other amazingly stupid things that
shes done, she ran away to Chicago to a guy that she met on America Online,
and that she described as her soul mate. Keep in mind, at this point she
had only been using the computer for a few months, and she had only been
talking to this guy for a month or so. Hes 20, he sends her a 300
round trip train ticket from New York to Chicago, and when her parents go on
vacation, she goes to Chicago for five days. During her trip, her parents
never once called her house to see if she was all right. They were in
Colorado, and to this day- almost six months later - they still dont know
about this trip.
Now, thats the difference between me and her. First off, I wouldnt take
someones train ticket and visit them halfway across the country without
knowing who they were- and I couldnt possibly know a person that well after
only a month or two. Im like that because my parents taught me to be smart,
they taught me that not everyone is a nice person. I dont take things at
face value, and I wouldnt trust someone enough to go visit them in such a
case.
More importantly, my parents care about me enough to call when theyre away.
The second that they would call me and not know where I was, they would call
someone to check on me. If no one could find me, my parents would be back in
New Jersey looking for me. I wouldnt be able to get away for a day without
them knowing, nevermind a week.
Simple fact is, my parents care about what I do. But they taught me good, so
they dont need to worry if Im doing anything bad. They know Im not going
out and fucking myself up in life. When I leave them and venture off into
the real world, they dont need to worry they did a good job raising me.
For now, however, the real world is as close as this computer terminal for
me. My parents know what I do on the computer. Theyre not techno-savvy, by
any means. But they know whats up with my computer. They know the people
that I hang out with that I know from the computer, because theyve made sure
that they met them before I hang out with them on an regular basis. Just
like theyve done with all of my other friends. Sooner or later, I make it a
point to bring all of my friends to my house so that my parents know who Im
hanging out with.
But even beyond that, of course they dont know everyone that Im talking to,
or everything that I do. Most of what I do does go beyond what Im able to
explain to them. Regardless of that, they can trust me that Im not going to
do anything stupid. Theyve taught me well. Theres very little, in real
life or on the computer, that I wouldnt do in front of my parents that I do
behind their backs. They dont need the government or a silly software
program to watch over me.
Back to my ex-girlfriend, though. Her parents just went plain wrong with her
upbringing. Its because of parents like hers that theres bills like the
Communications Decency Act and software like Cyber Sitter and Net Nanny. If
parents did a good job of raising their child, they wouldnt need to worry.
Thats the underlying theme of this article. If parents did a good job ..
Unfortunately, some parents just havent done a good job. Theyve let their
children run astray in some areas. Thats why they need a software program
to watch over them. On the bad side for these parents, theres no software
program to watch over their kids when theyre at a party. You cant filter
out *!@*beer*drugs*sex* in real life.
Im not saying that parents today are any better or worse then my parents
are. It just seems that people today are more reliant on the technology
available to guide their lives. My parents werent blessed with this
technology, so they had to raise their kids on their own. Perhaps if the
technology had been available, it would be different, but no one can answer
that.
You may be asking yourself why I have a negative view on net filtering
software, such as Net Nanny and Cyber Sitter. The simple reason is, software
like this does not work. These programs, along with filtering out indecent
and pornographic sites, also filter out sites with valuable information, such
as the National Organization for Womens website. There is no way for the
user of this software to find out which sites are blocked except through
trial and error. There is nothing that this user can do, because the file
that stores the list of blocked sites is encrypted on the users computer.
This brings up another debate. Peacefire, a teen-run anti-censorship group,
has released a program that will decrypt the site list file from Solid Oaks
Cyber Sitter program, so that the user can see exactly what sites they are
being blocked from. Is this the kind of filtering that should be going on?
First the government is telling me what I cant do on the Internet, through
vague definitions and huge loopholes. Now, a private company is telling me
specifically what sites I cant visit because they dont think its
appropriate? Sure, there are some sites that are universally harmful to
kids- sites that kids just shouldnt be looking at, such as the pornographic
sites. But, just because this company sees a gay rights website as
potentially harmful, they filter it out so no one that uses their software
can see it. The worst part of this is that the user of this software may
never know that these sites are being blocked out, unless they specifically
tried to go to a blocked site.
Yes, I know that I have a right not to use this software. But, software like
this does not have a right to exist. Point blank, its unconstitutional. It
restricts freedom of speech, and thats just not right. Its worse when
people dont realize, or arent given the chance to realize, exactly what
sites they arent allowed to see.
The government doesnt need to step in and regulate the Internet. Neither
does a small company from California have that right. The only people that
can control what I do on the Internet, or anything else for that matter, are
my parents. Constitutional rights aside, my parents are my parents- its a
respect thing.
Jonas News and Information
Its another issue of Jonas, hail hail.
The website is totally phatty boombastic read: really good now. Weve done
a lot to it over the last month, and added a lot of features. Theres still
a lot more that were going to be doing to it, so check it out.
Ive also redone my webpage, so check that out. www.cybercomm.net/edi/
I got a job at AP. I push carts now, for 5.05 an hour. Its fun. I have
no problems. Theres a bunch of hot girls that I have no chance with that
work there, so its fun to stare.
Oh yeah, April 2 came and went. It also marked our two year anniversary. No
one sent me a card or a note of appreciation.
Jonas was given very pleasent reviews in The Aquarian and Internet
Underground. We got four stars from IU, and a nifty graphic for our webpage.
Send us feedbank, visit out website, and enjoy Jonas EZine.
Have a good one.
Odd Twist of Cyberadventure :: compiled writen by Tom Sullivan
Taken from Jonas Issue 15:
In my local area, a case has been brought to light over the last few days. A
woman living in the town of Long Branch, NJ, started recieving letters from
men wanting to have sex with her.
Stephany Willman, 41, believes that her ex-boyfriend, who now lives in
Florida, scanned and posted nude pictures of her to several erotic
newsgroups. The pictures also included her address, and asked that lonely
men write her.
A South-Florida Internet provider, Icanet, has suspended the account of the
poster of the pictures. It is not known whether or not her ex-boyfriend is
using the account, but it is suspected. Icanet presidet, Bob Hurwitz said,
I caught him doing it again, and we put a cancel on his postings
immediately.
A man claiming to be Willmans ex-boyfriend called a local newspaper, the
Asbury Park Press who have been covering this story and said, I want to
contact Bob Hurwitz and do anything I can to get Stephanys pictures off the
Internet. Im not a computer whiz and Im not the horrible person everybody
thinks I am.
Of the 3 pictures posted, only one was nude. The other two were pictures of
Stephany in a bikini.
Police say that a harrassment case against Willmans ex-boyfriend remains
open, but they will not pursue the case. It would be impossible to get the
main from Florida to New Jersey for a disorderly charge. If enough evidence
is found to prove that he really posted the pictures, then Florida Police
would have to handle the case.
In a very odd twist of cyberfate, I was forwarded the following posting
from Usenet:
Subject: Re: Stephany Willman - Document of Child Neglect
From: Johanna Wagner cyber7@ix.netcom.com
Date: 1996/06/09
Message-Id: 31BAFBAC.1111@ix.netcom.com
Newsgroups: alt.law-enforcement
More Headers
RE: Stephany Willman 703 Wertheim Place Long Branch, N.J. 07740
In March of 1995, the above mentioned, namely Stephany Willman, did Willfully
and without regard to the Safety and Welfare of her Two Children, Namely:
Roland Meyer then only Five years of Age, and Marlon Meyer then Only Two
years of age did Abandon both children on several occasions.
On one occasion she locked both children in her home 703 Wertheim Pl. Long
Branch, N.J. while she drove to obtain Cocaine they were alone for at least
3 hours.
The next occasion, i found both children Locked Outside , above mentioned
house, waited outside with Brandon and Marlon, until she returned, over 2
hours later. Neither child were wearing coats, even though it was Quite cold
outside, this being the second week of March 1995. Stephany, returned, we all
went inside, where she went to her bedroom, in plain view of the children,
and began to sniff what she said was cocaine.
She then demanded the sum of 100.00 from me, so she could buy more, Cocaine,
and even made Several Phone calls, in front of me, tying to exchange Sex for
drugs. She was successful, but when i refused to watch her Children the
above Mentioned Marlon and Roland she took them her VW car with her,
instructing me to wait, for her, as she would love to have sex, with me
also, while High on Cocaine.
Finally, around March 19-21,1995, Stephany Willman told me, if i did not
Stay and baby-sit both children, she would leave them locked in Her house
at 703 Wertheim Place, Long Branch, NJ , she left both Marlon and Roland,
with me at approximately 9:00 PM , Friday night the 3rd friday in March of
1995. She never returned that night. Early the next Morning i called Stephany
Willmans Parents in Florida, her brother Benjamen Willman in Boston,Mass.
and told them Stephany had been missing now for almost 12 hours. Her Brother,
Ben. Willman, agreed to drive down from Boston to take charge of Her
children. Her parents, told me over the Phone to wait with the children for
his arrival. They also asked me to try and locate Stephany .. The phone rang
a few hours later, and a Man at the end of the line, asked me to get Stephany
Willman out of his house, as she was Drunk, extremely high on Cocaine, and
unable to drive. He also said you can have her back, i cant afford her
Cocaine Habit, dont want to trade having sex with her for drugs.
Stephany Returned Home, a few hours later, she was gone over 18 hours in
all. Totally incoherent , only partially dressed. She demanded Sex from me,
when she came home and became violent when i refused...Stephany then took a
Liter of Vodka up to her bedroom and drank till she passed out. Her brother
Ben. Willman arrived, about an hour later.
Two weeks later Stephany Willman, entered Carrier Clinic, Belle Meade, NJ for
Drug Alcohol Detox, from which she frequently called me.
Copies of this Statement, Have been Notarized, and sent to the Following
Authorities: Monmouth County Child Welfare Office, Freehold, NJ
Child Abuse Welfare, State of New York
Monmouth County Prosecutor Office, Freehold NJ
Inside Edition, NYC, NY
The Asbury Park Press
NJ Division of Child Welfare
I swear, this whole computer thing gets stranger by the day.
Thanks to Michael Sciafa vsciafa@bellsouth.net who forwarded me the
posting.
The Curse and Blessing of Humanity :: by Brian Gatti
When you open the paper and you read about a man cloning a sheep, you cant
help but think to yourself how far along science has really come in the last
hundred years or so. You begin to wonder: How long until they can clone a
human being? How long until youre looking across the breakfast table at a
mirror image of yourself?
Take heart, this is not an essay written on cloning, Im merely using it as a
vehicle for a larger issue.
Many cry out that cloning human beings is an abomination against nature or a
slap in the face of God. Is this humanitys new attempt at climbing to
heaven? Are we rebuilding the tower of Babel? If you ask some people, the
answer would be yes. For too long, they would say, human beings have been
playing God. Perhaps so, certainly it looks to be that way and now that we
have the ability to create a person from nothing, we are trying to become
Gods?
If asked what fundamental quality of human beings separates them from
animals, you would most undoubtedly get a variety of answers in response.
They would range from having a soul, to having emotions, to being
intelligent. Each of the arguements could easily be seens as valid as any
other. Certainly, an otter can not write a Nobel prize winning piece of
literature but a human being could. So does this make us so special, so
different that in being able to clone ourselves, we suddenly destroy the
individuality that comes with being naturally born?
I think I can offer, if not a better quality, perhaps a different quality
then has been expressed in this matter. The trait which sets humanity apart
from, if not above, animals is their ego. The conceit that we are special for
our science, art, religion and philosophy. The belief that somehow, we are
greater then those creatures we sneeringly call animals and that we look down
upon.
We say they do not have art, they do not have science, nor philosophy, nor
religion or anything else which we humans can claim to be our legacy. They
also do not have our wars, our murderers, our rapists, our serial killers and
our politicians. Do these things too, make us better then they? Doubtful,
especially if you have had to brush with any of the above. People would then,
with great indignity, proclaim the good qualities of humanity. Our love, our
compassion, our kindness and our integrity. Yes, all good things, I will
admit.
Still, do these qualities make us better then animals? So comes the
expression, Youre no better then an animal. Perhaps that is a good thing.
For all of our pretensions towards civilization, we have a long way to go
before we can claim to be above animals. If anything, perhaps it is better to
be an animal? They are, at least, honest about their intentions in nearly all
cases. They seek survival, as do we, but we like to cloud this with a myriad
of smaller things which we claim are important.
In a herd, the elderly are abandoned to the predators so that the rest of the
herd might survive. In America, our elderly are left to rot in nursing homes
where they are left to die slowly rather then with dignity as they should be.
Does this right to grow old and die, despised by those younger then you, make
us a great species to be a member of?
There are, of course, always exceptions to everything especially when it
involves human beings. Certainly, it is admitted, that there is a great
variety of types of people. Enough so that it is easier to defend the claim
of inherant human greatness. Perhaps though, consider that for a moment,
sentience is a curse. Has technology truely made your life better? Are you
really a better person for being able to change the channels of your
television without getting off your butt?
Frankly, Im not sure and I dont believe I could answer my own question one
way or another. Would I give up everything I had? Probably not. Would I give
up human to become a simple animal and live a simple existance of
uncomplicated survival where everything Ive always yearned for is so much
easier to obtain? No, I wouldnt. The problem is, Im sentient I think
and I cant imagine being any other way. Am I happy about the idea of people
being able to clone people? No, Im not. I hate the idea, I think its wrong
and shouldnt be allowed.
Is this because I hold deep religious values that forbid this sort of thing?
Is it because I feel we are somehow violating the unwritten laws of nature?
Or that there is a threat of turning these people in to slaves? No, its
none of those things.
Its because I am, like the rest of humanity, egotistical in thinking that I
am special for being human. That by being born of a man and a woman, not
copied from some person, that I am somehow special. This one thing, this one
quality which almost every person on this earth shares, is suddenly
threatened by the reality of cloning. Simply because when people can be
cloned, you are no longer special. There is nothing great about you anymore,
nothing awesome, nothing wonderful. Thats because now youre as copyable and
reproducable as a monkey or a sheep.
Problems at the Millenium? :: by Auren Hoffman
So youre afraid of year 2000? Are you worried that when the date hits the
double-zeros all the computers will crash, the banks will fall, the world
will stop, your computer will freeze, the database tuples will converge, the
electric car doors will lock, the mail still wont be delivered on time, and
the elevators will fall?
Dont worry, be happy. Problem solved. Luckily, most worldly corporations
have already thought of this problem and fixed it.
Consulting and software firms have made billions of dollars scaring
corporations and governments into changing the date structure of their old
mainframes to incorporate a four-digit date rather than a two digit date. So
now the year is 1997 not to be confused with the year 97, 1900 years ago.
As usual, corporations and governments have a lack of foresight. A four
digit date is great for now, but what happens when we hit the year 10,000?
You might think that 8000 years is a long time -- thats just what Noah said
about being cramped in that Arc for 40 days. 40 days seems like yesterday to
me so 8000 years probably will only seem like high school which I still have
some faded memories of. My point is, with technology ever increasing and
speeding up time, year 10000 will get here before you know it.
So a real smart corporation will demand that their systems are safe for the
occurrence of year 10,000 -- they should demand a five digit year. So this
year would be 01997, which could be pronounced zero nineteen ninety-seven,
or if your cool you might say oh-1997.
Now some might argue that while were at it, we might as well add a six-digit
date. Though that might seem logical for many of you, 100000 years is a
really really long time for now. By contrast, year 10,000 is only a few
generations away given that the average life span has been dramatically
increasing.
And remember, lack of foresight causes problems. So do lack of digits.
Simon the Ant :: by Jeffrey Brayne
Part Three: Simon the Ant Loses His Job
Simon gets a job at the local convenience store. He is a cashier. He works
long, hard hours ringing up groceries such as cigarettes, candy, picnic
baskets, sugar, and so on. He likes dealing with the general public. They
are nice, he says. It makes him feel important to be an alert, responsive
ant tending to the needs of others. He helps to choose the right antidote
for Raid when needed. He shows others the best brand of latex condoms. He
denies minors the purchase of ant-porn. He has mastered the cash register. A
good worker is Simon the Ant indeed!
Simon soon developed problems with his wrists. He went to the doctor.
Doctor, my wrists have hurt now for quite some time.
Have you been doing strenuous work, Simon?
No sir, I only work at a convenience store.
Well what exactly do you do there, Simon?
I am a cashier.
Show me how you position yourself at the register, Simon.
I hold my hands like this.
Well that is wrong, Simon. Didnt anyone show you how to position yourself
at the register?
Well, no sir.
It seems to me that you have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. This is bad. I want
you to call this number. First you must put on these hand/wrist braces.
Simon took the phone number home with him and he called it. It was the
number of a lawyer. He told the lawyer what the doctor had told him and the
lawyer said not to worry, and that he would take care of his problem. Simon
grew excited at the prospect of being taken care of. His wrists would hurt no
more! He could continue to take care of his beloved customers at the store.
He knew they needed him and he would return just as soon as he could. Soon a
letter came in the mail to Simon. It said he would have to appear in court.
He wondered what for. He went. They asked him to take the stand. They
asked him to swear on the Bible. He did. They then proceeded to ask him
what the brand of register his store had. He told them. They asked if he
was trained in register posture. He said no. They asked if he felt
neglected. He said he wasnt sure. He was then asked to step down from the
stand. All of this confused Simon. The judge said that the jury should take
a short recess. They came back and said, DOWN WITH THE MAN AND HIS
CAPITALIST, PIG WAYS!
Simon went home that day with a check for 23.8 million dollars from the
register company and a release form from the convenience store in which he
worked previously due to its forced closing and auction by the court. Simon
was very distraught over no longer being able to help people at the
convenience store.
Poetry :: by various writers
Summer - by Jeffrey Brayne
Wiping the green right from your mind,
I thought what you had thought before.
I tried and I tried to be satisfied
with average, shallow pride.
And more.
Run and see what awaits you now,
your mind is free of red.
I try and try to rectify,
althought my mind is running dry,
from things that I have read.
Carry me from the empty.
Carry me from the null.
Carry me from the ignorance.
And teach me how to smile.
Waiting for the light of green,
waiting for the sun.
Waiting for my emptiness
to get right up and run.
Waiting for the seasons change,
waiting for my one,
to carry me away from here
like summers often done.
i thought i knew - by tom sullivan
i never thought i knew you
well, fully knew you.
it was only a few months-
too short of a time to find out who you are
or what you do.
but, i thought i knew you
enough ..
enough to trust you-
trust you-
trust!
i thought you had enough respect
respect for me
respect to stay open and honest with me
at least part of the time, on important things-
do you not consider the fact that you love someone else
important?
but, it turns out
i had no clue who you were
i didnt even feel your sting
until after you bit me ..
but, regardless of who you turned out to be
i loved you.
well, i could have loved you.
the part i knew
the part i liked
the part that loved me and was happy with me
that part that you keep hidden from everyone else.
Boots III - by Holly Day
Someday, reporters will ask you what you did during the war.
Boots kicked the boy.
The small boy was lying in a pile of corpses.
Someday, a woman will trace the long white scars on your back and ask where
they came from.
Someday, your own son will go to war.
This will all fade to yearly get-togethers with old army buddies.
You will get a brief five minutes in a Time Life home video for this.
If your child is born with no arms or legs, will it seem unfair?
All the old ghosts will be replaced with new ones.
Someday, your child will ask you what you did during the war.
Boots stood nearly seven feet tall.
Boots was a soldiers soldier.
The man reached into the left breast pocket of his uniform.
He scattered a handful of razorblades on the ground.
Skin peeled away like the flesh of a potato.
Boots had hair so blond it was almost white.
Boots dragged the small body over the pile of sharpened blades.
Lets play a game, Boots said to the boy.
The childs arms were around the waist of his mother.
You are not really dead.
A piece of metal sank deep into the boys pale cheek.
The boys eyes opened as if in shock.
Boots grabbed the little boys right hand and right foot.
He swung the little boy high in the air, high above the bodies of his dead
parents.
No blood poured from the black holes in the boys body.
Bombs went off in the background.
In war, certain people become shining stars.
Bombs set just over the next hill, a sunset in the wrong direction.
The sharp metal of the razors sliced thin through the boys face.
Someday, this will all be washed away in Prozac numbness, in the peace of a
military nursing home.
He swung the little boy lower, lower to the ground, under the body was
dragging over the ground.
Boots had a very large penis.
You are pretending to be dead.
Boots made a point of inserting his penis in every dead person he came
across.
Boots was proud of his fine endowments.
The white of the little boys eye stared straight at Boots.
Someday you will forget this, even in dreams.
Reviews :: by Tom Sullivan
LIVE: Foil / Halycon Days - Birch Hill Niteclub / April 12
In this area, there is only a moderate sized ska scene. You will find good,
all-ska shows usually headlined by Inspecter 7 or the Royalties about once
a month. Aside from that, you have to put up with one ska band mixed up with
a bunch of gothic, metal, or hardcore bands.
Case in point, this show. Foil is a new ska band to the local scene, but
they are by no menas new. Foil had existed as a punk band for about two
years, achieving a fair amount of sucess in the Central Jersey excuse for a
punk scene, and then they broke up. The drummer, Nuno Rodriguez, decided
to reform the band but keep the name. He wanted a ska band. So, he started
a ska band. He is the only member of the original Foil that is still in
the band, but its ok. That story was unecassary, but hey.
Anyway, this was Foils second show. Their first show was about two weeks
ago, and in that time they didnt have much time to change. Foil is really
good, let me start by saying that. Theyre definetely going to be a good ska
band if they keep it up. They already have a show May 16 at the Howell NJ
VFW with Moon Ska artists Inspecter 7. If Foil becomes a solid band, well
have a good ska scene in this area.
Foil combines a mixture of third wave stuff. Theyre a 9 piece band drums,
guitar, bass, and singer keyboard, trombone, trumpet, 2 saxophones, and you
can hear a mixture of influences in their music. Aside from being influenced
by the generic fast third-wave ska music denoted by fast horn note
changes, fast guitar, etc, they also play a lot of slower, almost two-tone
stuff big Toasters influence here. Theyre a great dance band.
On this night, they played for about 45 minutes with 14 songs. Amoung the
songs that they played were the anti-gothic masterpiece, I Hate Marilyn
Manson and the skinhead the aforementioned Nuno Rodriguez is a devoted SHARP
dance song, Take It. My favorite song that they have is a new rendition of
my favorite punk-Foil song, Dont Smoke. That song is quickly becoming
their best song.
The only mishap of the night being that the guitarists distortion pedal went
out on him half way through the show, meaning a lot of dead time between
songs while he tried to fix the guitar. That didnt let them play as well as
they could have.
The crowd was ok. It wasnt a ska show, thats for sure. Myself, and three
of my friends were skankin the whole set. There was about four other people
out there the whole time as well. Then you had about 75 people just standing
in the back watching a bunch of hardcore wussies.
There was some shitty band that looked like Van Halen that came on next.
They were all fourty and old, and I just couldnt get into their music.
The next band was Halycon Days. Now, I dont know how to describe them.
But, they play a mixture of near-hardcore tempo rock music, with a dose of
blues and funk. The bassist is excellent, the singer reminds me of Jim
Morrison, and he plays a mean guitar. The drummer is really good. I saw
this band before, and I didnt really like them all that much but, I liked
them a lot more now.
I wish Foil a lot of luck. With bands like the Royalties, Inspecter 7, and
Foil in this area, the ska scene in New Jersey is looking very good.
LP: The Dumm-Dumms, Oxymaroon Glass Tube Records
The three members of this rock band from Virginia play their instruments to
perfection. Each instrument perfectly compliments each other, making a
smooth refined sound. Their sound is catchy pop-rock with a fast, and
danceable beat. The best song on this album is an extremely catchy and
extremely well-written song called Chemical Thing. None of the instruments
really stand out above the others theyre all equally balenced and equally
well played. This is a great album that displays a lot of talent and
musicianship.
Grade: A
LP: Open Defience, s/t My Own Records
Sounds like your typical hardcore band, but your typical hardcore band can
sound good on some nights. Somewhat better than good drumming is that a
doubke bass drum?, ok bass, rythmic guitars, and a lot of screaming
barking?. moshable.
Grade: C+
LP: Valarie Morris, Transformations Skyblue Productions
The factsheet lists her musical style as electronic/20th century classical.
Read: take a slow Orbital song and mix it in a blender with Yanni. Minus ten
points for originality.
Grade: D
eZINE: Fitshaced http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Lofts/9157
Fitshaced is probably the best webzine that Ive read in a while. Its well
written, highly sarcastic, and utterly witty. Full of rants and spewings on
everything from todays fashion trends, Gwen Stefani Die Gwen Die!, to
mockery on Urban America The Ebonics Bible, complete with the Ebonics
translations of Our Father, Hail Mary, and the Ten Commandments. Did you
know that 90 of America worships Satan, and doesnt realize it?
Obituraries, and commentary are included for Tupac Shakur, the Notorious BIG,
and the Heavens Gate Cult. This is a priceless zine, and I highly
recommended that you take a look at it.
Grade: A+
eZINE: Bondage, issue 3 http://www.dto.net/va/
It seems that nearly everything Eerie does is really good. Bondage is
definetely one of the better poetry zines on the Internet right now. Its
just, really good poetry, theres no way about it. On top of that, theres a
fantastic layout. This is a fierce magazine.
Grade: A+
Contact information for labels listed in this issue:
Glass Tube Records - 201 Monte Vista - Charlottesville, VA 22903
My Own Records - 9048 Arlington Blvd - Fairfax, VA 22031
Skyblue Productions - 5779 Nottingham Drive - El Sobrante, CA 94803
Contact Copyright Information
Jonas eZine Volume 3, Issue 1 is Copyright c 1997 by Jonas Productions,
all rights reserved. Copyrights to stories, articles, artwork, and
photographs are property of their creators, unless otherwise noted. The
contents of this publication may not be reproduced in whole or in part
without the express written consent of the copyright owner. Jonas may be
freely distributed as long as this notice remains in place.
Means of contacting Jonas Productions:
email - edi@cybercomm.net edicius/main address
marc@netlabs.net belial
www - http://www.cybercomm.net/edi/jonas/index.html
ftp - ftp.etext.org /pub/Zines/Jonas
mail - Jonas eZine / c/o Tom Sullivan / 8 Mills Avenue / Port Monmouth,
NJ 07758-1114
irc - look for edi on the EfNet IRC channel jonas
Miscelaneous information:
Thanks to Belial, Mindcrime, Grey Hawk, Jason, Buddy, Pat, James, Steve, and
Brianne, Rob, and Dave for comic relief on the weekends. Thanks to Kristen
for comic relief in life in general.
Thanks to Abbott Promotions, Glasstube Records, Skyblue Productions, and My
Own Records.
I also need to thank every who has helped me along the way. Thanks for
everything over the last two years.
CDs that I was listening to right before the release of this issue:
Mephiskapheles, God Bless Satan / Minor Threat, complete discography / Soul
Coughing, Irresistible Bliss / Goa Spaceship 101, A Goa Trance Trip Into
Space / Suicide Machines, Destruction by Definetion.
Jonas reviews all zines, cds, demos, movies, or anything else that is sent
to them. Send it to our address listed above. We promise we will review it.
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My new girlfriend is better than you,
shes got bigger breasts and a higher IQ.
Mr. T Experience / New Girlfriend
Copyright and contact information is located at the bottom of this magazine.
Jonas EZine Volume 3, Issue 1 :: April 30, 1997
In this issue..
1. Edicius Editorial essay
2. Jonas News and Information
3. Odd Twist of Cyberadventure - compiled by Tom Sullivan
4. The Curse and Blessing of Humanity essay - by Brian Gatti
5. Problems at the Millennium essay/humor - by Auren Hoffman
6. Simon the Ant fiction/humor - by Jeffrey Brayne
7. Poetry - various writers
8. Reviews - by Tom Sullivan
9. Closing Notes and Information
Edicius Editorial
As a suggested alternative to government censorship, net blocking software
has become all the rage lately. Going by names like Cyber Sitter and Net
Nanny, theyve become the valuable tool in the fight against online
pornography and indecent material. Parents dont have to look over their
childrens shoulders anymore, they can rely on a software program to watch
their children for them.
How much more mindless can they get?
When did parents become so lax with their kids that they need the government
and Silicon Valley to protect them? This goes much further then the
indecencies of the Internet, it goes right down to the root of our social
values.
You dont just stumble upon pornography on the Internet, you have to outright
seek it. You have to know where youre going to find it. Years ago, you
could be walking through New York City, and you could come across sex shops
and prostitutes. Thats a lot easier then just browsing the Internet and
stumbling upon www.pornshack.com. Youre not going to get
www.teenangels.com confused with www.shareware.com .. Its not that easy.
If a parent teaches their kid the harmful effects of drugs and really,
truly, instills good values in them, theyre not going to have to
worry about their kid smoking crack on the corner. Same thing here. If a
parent really teaches their kid, they dont have to worry that their kid is
going to be setting up dates with 40 year old guys in drag.
Case in point: my ex-girlfriend. Among other amazingly stupid things that
shes done, she ran away to Chicago to a guy that she met on America Online,
and that she described as her soul mate. Keep in mind, at this point she
had only been using the computer for a few months, and she had only been
talking to this guy for a month or so. Hes 20, he sends her a 300
round trip train ticket from New York to Chicago, and when her parents go on
vacation, she goes to Chicago for five days. During her trip, her parents
never once called her house to see if she was all right. They were in
Colorado, and to this day- almost six months later - they still dont know
about this trip.
Now, thats the difference between me and her. First off, I wouldnt take
someones train ticket and visit them halfway across the country without
knowing who they were- and I couldnt possibly know a person that well after
only a month or two. Im like that because my parents taught me to be smart,
they taught me that not everyone is a nice person. I dont take things at
face value, and I wouldnt trust someone enough to go visit them in such a
case.
More importantly, my parents care about me enough to call when theyre away.
The second that they would call me and not know where I was, they would call
someone to check on me. If no one could find me, my parents would be back in
New Jersey looking for me. I wouldnt be able to get away for a day without
them knowing, nevermind a week.
Simple fact is, my parents care about what I do. But they taught me good, so
they dont need to worry if Im doing anything bad. They know Im not going
out and fucking myself up in life. When I leave them and venture off into
the real world, they dont need to worry they did a good job raising me.
For now, however, the real world is as close as this computer terminal for
me. My parents know what I do on the computer. Theyre not techno-savvy, by
any means. But they know whats up with my computer. They know the people
that I hang out with that I know from the computer, because theyve made sure
that they met them before I hang out with them on an regular basis. Just
like theyve done with all of my other friends. Sooner or later, I make it a
point to bring all of my friends to my house so that my parents know who Im
hanging out with.
But even beyond that, of course they dont know everyone that Im talking to,
or everything that I do. Most of what I do does go beyond what Im able to
explain to them. Regardless of that, they can trust me that Im not going to
do anything stupid. Theyve taught me well. Theres very little, in real
life or on the computer, that I wouldnt do in front of my parents that I do
behind their backs. They dont need the government or a silly software
program to watch over me.
Back to my ex-girlfriend, though. Her parents just went plain wrong with her
upbringing. Its because of parents like hers that theres bills like the
Communications Decency Act and software like Cyber Sitter and Net Nanny. If
parents did a good job of raising their child, they wouldnt need to worry.
Thats the underlying theme of this article. If parents did a good job ..
Unfortunately, some parents just havent done a good job. Theyve let their
children run astray in some areas. Thats why they need a software program
to watch over them. On the bad side for these parents, theres no software
program to watch over their kids when theyre at a party. You cant filter
out *!@*beer*drugs*sex* in real life.
Im not saying that parents today are any better or worse then my parents
are. It just seems that people today are more reliant on the technology
available to guide their lives. My parents werent blessed with this
technology, so they had to raise their kids on their own. Perhaps if the
technology had been available, it would be different, but no one can answer
that.
You may be asking yourself why I have a negative view on net filtering
software, such as Net Nanny and Cyber Sitter. The simple reason is, software
like this does not work. These programs, along with filtering out indecent
and pornographic sites, also filter out sites with valuable information, such
as the National Organization for Womens website. There is no way for the
user of this software to find out which sites are blocked except through
trial and error. There is nothing that this user can do, because the file
that stores the list of blocked sites is encrypted on the users computer.
This brings up another debate. Peacefire, a teen-run anti-censorship group,
has released a program that will decrypt the site list file from Solid Oaks
Cyber Sitter program, so that the user can see exactly what sites they are
being blocked from. Is this the kind of filtering that should be going on?
First the government is telling me what I cant do on the Internet, through
vague definitions and huge loopholes. Now, a private company is telling me
specifically what sites I cant visit because they dont think its
appropriate? Sure, there are some sites that are universally harmful to
kids- sites that kids just shouldnt be looking at, such as the pornographic
sites. But, just because this company sees a gay rights website as
potentially harmful, they filter it out so no one that uses their software
can see it. The worst part of this is that the user of this software may
never know that these sites are being blocked out, unless they specifically
tried to go to a blocked site.
Yes, I know that I have a right not to use this software. But, software like
this does not have a right to exist. Point blank, its unconstitutional. It
restricts freedom of speech, and thats just not right. Its worse when
people dont realize, or arent given the chance to realize, exactly what
sites they arent allowed to see.
The government doesnt need to step in and regulate the Internet. Neither
does a small company from California have that right. The only people that
can control what I do on the Internet, or anything else for that matter, are
my parents. Constitutional rights aside, my parents are my parents- its a
respect thing.
Jonas News and Information
Its another issue of Jonas, hail hail.
The website is totally phatty boombastic read: really good now. Weve done
a lot to it over the last month, and added a lot of features. Theres still
a lot more that were going to be doing to it, so check it out.
Ive also redone my webpage, so check that out. www.cybercomm.net/edi/
I got a job at AP. I push carts now, for 5.05 an hour. Its fun. I have
no problems. Theres a bunch of hot girls that I have no chance with that
work there, so its fun to stare.
Oh yeah, April 2 came and went. It also marked our two year anniversary. No
one sent me a card or a note of appreciation.
Jonas was given very pleasent reviews in The Aquarian and Internet
Underground. We got four stars from IU, and a nifty graphic for our webpage.
Send us feedbank, visit out website, and enjoy Jonas EZine.
Have a good one.
Odd Twist of Cyberadventure :: compiled writen by Tom Sullivan
Taken from Jonas Issue 15:
In my local area, a case has been brought to light over the last few days. A
woman living in the town of Long Branch, NJ, started recieving letters from
men wanting to have sex with her.
Stephany Willman, 41, believes that her ex-boyfriend, who now lives in
Florida, scanned and posted nude pictures of her to several erotic
newsgroups. The pictures also included her address, and asked that lonely
men write her.
A South-Florida Internet provider, Icanet, has suspended the account of the
poster of the pictures. It is not known whether or not her ex-boyfriend is
using the account, but it is suspected. Icanet presidet, Bob Hurwitz said,
I caught him doing it again, and we put a cancel on his postings
immediately.
A man claiming to be Willmans ex-boyfriend called a local newspaper, the
Asbury Park Press who have been covering this story and said, I want to
contact Bob Hurwitz and do anything I can to get Stephanys pictures off the
Internet. Im not a computer whiz and Im not the horrible person everybody
thinks I am.
Of the 3 pictures posted, only one was nude. The other two were pictures of
Stephany in a bikini.
Police say that a harrassment case against Willmans ex-boyfriend remains
open, but they will not pursue the case. It would be impossible to get the
main from Florida to New Jersey for a disorderly charge. If enough evidence
is found to prove that he really posted the pictures, then Florida Police
would have to handle the case.
In a very odd twist of cyberfate, I was forwarded the following posting
from Usenet:
Subject: Re: Stephany Willman - Document of Child Neglect
From: Johanna Wagner cyber7@ix.netcom.com
Date: 1996/06/09
Message-Id: 31BAFBAC.1111@ix.netcom.com
Newsgroups: alt.law-enforcement
More Headers
RE: Stephany Willman 703 Wertheim Place Long Branch, N.J. 07740
In March of 1995, the above mentioned, namely Stephany Willman, did Willfully
and without regard to the Safety and Welfare of her Two Children, Namely:
Roland Meyer then only Five years of Age, and Marlon Meyer then Only Two
years of age did Abandon both children on several occasions.
On one occasion she locked both children in her home 703 Wertheim Pl. Long
Branch, N.J. while she drove to obtain Cocaine they were alone for at least
3 hours.
The next occasion, i found both children Locked Outside , above mentioned
house, waited outside with Brandon and Marlon, until she returned, over 2
hours later. Neither child were wearing coats, even though it was Quite cold
outside, this being the second week of March 1995. Stephany, returned, we all
went inside, where she went to her bedroom, in plain view of the children,
and began to sniff what she said was cocaine.
She then demanded the sum of 100.00 from me, so she could buy more, Cocaine,
and even made Several Phone calls, in front of me, tying to exchange Sex for
drugs. She was successful, but when i refused to watch her Children the
above Mentioned Marlon and Roland she took them her VW car with her,
instructing me to wait, for her, as she would love to have sex, with me
also, while High on Cocaine.
Finally, around March 19-21,1995, Stephany Willman told me, if i did not
Stay and baby-sit both children, she would leave them locked in Her house
at 703 Wertheim Place, Long Branch, NJ , she left both Marlon and Roland,
with me at approximately 9:00 PM , Friday night the 3rd friday in March of
1995. She never returned that night. Early the next Morning i called Stephany
Willmans Parents in Florida, her brother Benjamen Willman in Boston,Mass.
and told them Stephany had been missing now for almost 12 hours. Her Brother,
Ben. Willman, agreed to drive down from Boston to take charge of Her
children. Her parents, told me over the Phone to wait with the children for
his arrival. They also asked me to try and locate Stephany .. The phone rang
a few hours later, and a Man at the end of the line, asked me to get Stephany
Willman out of his house, as she was Drunk, extremely high on Cocaine, and
unable to drive. He also said you can have her back, i cant afford her
Cocaine Habit, dont want to trade having sex with her for drugs.
Stephany Returned Home, a few hours later, she was gone over 18 hours in
all. Totally incoherent , only partially dressed. She demanded Sex from me,
when she came home and became violent when i refused...Stephany then took a
Liter of Vodka up to her bedroom and drank till she passed out. Her brother
Ben. Willman arrived, about an hour later.
Two weeks later Stephany Willman, entered Carrier Clinic, Belle Meade, NJ for
Drug Alcohol Detox, from which she frequently called me.
Copies of this Statement, Have been Notarized, and sent to the Following
Authorities: Monmouth County Child Welfare Office, Freehold, NJ
Child Abuse Welfare, State of New York
Monmouth County Prosecutor Office, Freehold NJ
Inside Edition, NYC, NY
The Asbury Park Press
NJ Division of Child Welfare
I swear, this whole computer thing gets stranger by the day.
Thanks to Michael Sciafa vsciafa@bellsouth.net who forwarded me the
posting.
The Curse and Blessing of Humanity :: by Brian Gatti
When you open the paper and you read about a man cloning a sheep, you cant
help but think to yourself how far along science has really come in the last
hundred years or so. You begin to wonder: How long until they can clone a
human being? How long until youre looking across the breakfast table at a
mirror image of yourself?
Take heart, this is not an essay written on cloning, Im merely using it as a
vehicle for a larger issue.
Many cry out that cloning human beings is an abomination against nature or a
slap in the face of God. Is this humanitys new attempt at climbing to
heaven? Are we rebuilding the tower of Babel? If you ask some people, the
answer would be yes. For too long, they would say, human beings have been
playing God. Perhaps so, certainly it looks to be that way and now that we
have the ability to create a person from nothing, we are trying to become
Gods?
If asked what fundamental quality of human beings separates them from
animals, you would most undoubtedly get a variety of answers in response.
They would range from having a soul, to having emotions, to being
intelligent. Each of the arguements could easily be seens as valid as any
other. Certainly, an otter can not write a Nobel prize winning piece of
literature but a human being could. So does this make us so special, so
different that in being able to clone ourselves, we suddenly destroy the
individuality that comes with being naturally born?
I think I can offer, if not a better quality, perhaps a different quality
then has been expressed in this matter. The trait which sets humanity apart
from, if not above, animals is their ego. The conceit that we are special for
our science, art, religion and philosophy. The belief that somehow, we are
greater then those creatures we sneeringly call animals and that we look down
upon.
We say they do not have art, they do not have science, nor philosophy, nor
religion or anything else which we humans can claim to be our legacy. They
also do not have our wars, our murderers, our rapists, our serial killers and
our politicians. Do these things too, make us better then they? Doubtful,
especially if you have had to brush with any of the above. People would then,
with great indignity, proclaim the good qualities of humanity. Our love, our
compassion, our kindness and our integrity. Yes, all good things, I will
admit.
Still, do these qualities make us better then animals? So comes the
expression, Youre no better then an animal. Perhaps that is a good thing.
For all of our pretensions towards civilization, we have a long way to go
before we can claim to be above animals. If anything, perhaps it is better to
be an animal? They are, at least, honest about their intentions in nearly all
cases. They seek survival, as do we, but we like to cloud this with a myriad
of smaller things which we claim are important.
In a herd, the elderly are abandoned to the predators so that the rest of the
herd might survive. In America, our elderly are left to rot in nursing homes
where they are left to die slowly rather then with dignity as they should be.
Does this right to grow old and die, despised by those younger then you, make
us a great species to be a member of?
There are, of course, always exceptions to everything especially when it
involves human beings. Certainly, it is admitted, that there is a great
variety of types of people. Enough so that it is easier to defend the claim
of inherant human greatness. Perhaps though, consider that for a moment,
sentience is a curse. Has technology truely made your life better? Are you
really a better person for being able to change the channels of your
television without getting off your butt?
Frankly, Im not sure and I dont believe I could answer my own question one
way or another. Would I give up everything I had? Probably not. Would I give
up human to become a simple animal and live a simple existance of
uncomplicated survival where everything Ive always yearned for is so much
easier to obtain? No, I wouldnt. The problem is, Im sentient I think
and I cant imagine being any other way. Am I happy about the idea of people
being able to clone people? No, Im not. I hate the idea, I think its wrong
and shouldnt be allowed.
Is this because I hold deep religious values that forbid this sort of thing?
Is it because I feel we are somehow violating the unwritten laws of nature?
Or that there is a threat of turning these people in to slaves? No, its
none of those things.
Its because I am, like the rest of humanity, egotistical in thinking that I
am special for being human. That by being born of a man and a woman, not
copied from some person, that I am somehow special. This one thing, this one
quality which almost every person on this earth shares, is suddenly
threatened by the reality of cloning. Simply because when people can be
cloned, you are no longer special. There is nothing great about you anymore,
nothing awesome, nothing wonderful. Thats because now youre as copyable and
reproducable as a monkey or a sheep.
Problems at the Millenium? :: by Auren Hoffman
So youre afraid of year 2000? Are you worried that when the date hits the
double-zeros all the computers will crash, the banks will fall, the world
will stop, your computer will freeze, the database tuples will converge, the
electric car doors will lock, the mail still wont be delivered on time, and
the elevators will fall?
Dont worry, be happy. Problem solved. Luckily, most worldly corporations
have already thought of this problem and fixed it.
Consulting and software firms have made billions of dollars scaring
corporations and governments into changing the date structure of their old
mainframes to incorporate a four-digit date rather than a two digit date. So
now the year is 1997 not to be confused with the year 97, 1900 years ago.
As usual, corporations and governments have a lack of foresight. A four
digit date is great for now, but what happens when we hit the year 10,000?
You might think that 8000 years is a long time -- thats just what Noah said
about being cramped in that Arc for 40 days. 40 days seems like yesterday to
me so 8000 years probably will only seem like high school which I still have
some faded memories of. My point is, with technology ever increasing and
speeding up time, year 10000 will get here before you know it.
So a real smart corporation will demand that their systems are safe for the
occurrence of year 10,000 -- they should demand a five digit year. So this
year would be 01997, which could be pronounced zero nineteen ninety-seven,
or if your cool you might say oh-1997.
Now some might argue that while were at it, we might as well add a six-digit
date. Though that might seem logical for many of you, 100000 years is a
really really long time for now. By contrast, year 10,000 is only a few
generations away given that the average life span has been dramatically
increasing.
And remember, lack of foresight causes problems. So do lack of digits.
Simon the Ant :: by Jeffrey Brayne
Part Three: Simon the Ant Loses His Job
Simon gets a job at the local convenience store. He is a cashier. He works
long, hard hours ringing up groceries such as cigarettes, candy, picnic
baskets, sugar, and so on. He likes dealing with the general public. They
are nice, he says. It makes him feel important to be an alert, responsive
ant tending to the needs of others. He helps to choose the right antidote
for Raid when needed. He shows others the best brand of latex condoms. He
denies minors the purchase of ant-porn. He has mastered the cash register. A
good worker is Simon the Ant indeed!
Simon soon developed problems with his wrists. He went to the doctor.
Doctor, my wrists have hurt now for quite some time.
Have you been doing strenuous work, Simon?
No sir, I only work at a convenience store.
Well what exactly do you do there, Simon?
I am a cashier.
Show me how you position yourself at the register, Simon.
I hold my hands like this.
Well that is wrong, Simon. Didnt anyone show you how to position yourself
at the register?
Well, no sir.
It seems to me that you have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. This is bad. I want
you to call this number. First you must put on these hand/wrist braces.
Simon took the phone number home with him and he called it. It was the
number of a lawyer. He told the lawyer what the doctor had told him and the
lawyer said not to worry, and that he would take care of his problem. Simon
grew excited at the prospect of being taken care of. His wrists would hurt no
more! He could continue to take care of his beloved customers at the store.
He knew they needed him and he would return just as soon as he could. Soon a
letter came in the mail to Simon. It said he would have to appear in court.
He wondered what for. He went. They asked him to take the stand. They
asked him to swear on the Bible. He did. They then proceeded to ask him
what the brand of register his store had. He told them. They asked if he
was trained in register posture. He said no. They asked if he felt
neglected. He said he wasnt sure. He was then asked to step down from the
stand. All of this confused Simon. The judge said that the jury should take
a short recess. They came back and said, DOWN WITH THE MAN AND HIS
CAPITALIST, PIG WAYS!
Simon went home that day with a check for 23.8 million dollars from the
register company and a release form from the convenience store in which he
worked previously due to its forced closing and auction by the court. Simon
was very distraught over no longer being able to help people at the
convenience store.
Poetry :: by various writers
Summer - by Jeffrey Brayne
Wiping the green right from your mind,
I thought what you had thought before.
I tried and I tried to be satisfied
with average, shallow pride.
And more.
Run and see what awaits you now,
your mind is free of red.
I try and try to rectify,
althought my mind is running dry,
from things that I have read.
Carry me from the empty.
Carry me from the null.
Carry me from the ignorance.
And teach me how to smile.
Waiting for the light of green,
waiting for the sun.
Waiting for my emptiness
to get right up and run.
Waiting for the seasons change,
waiting for my one,
to carry me away from here
like summers often done.
i thought i knew - by tom sullivan
i never thought i knew you
well, fully knew you.
it was only a few months-
too short of a time to find out who you are
or what you do.
but, i thought i knew you
enough ..
enough to trust you-
trust you-
trust!
i thought you had enough respect
respect for me
respect to stay open and honest with me
at least part of the time, on important things-
do you not consider the fact that you love someone else
important?
but, it turns out
i had no clue who you were
i didnt even feel your sting
until after you bit me ..
but, regardless of who you turned out to be
i loved you.
well, i could have loved you.
the part i knew
the part i liked
the part that loved me and was happy with me
that part that you keep hidden from everyone else.
Boots III - by Holly Day
Someday, reporters will ask you what you did during the war.
Boots kicked the boy.
The small boy was lying in a pile of corpses.
Someday, a woman will trace the long white scars on your back and ask where
they came from.
Someday, your own son will go to war.
This will all fade to yearly get-togethers with old army buddies.
You will get a brief five minutes in a Time Life home video for this.
If your child is born with no arms or legs, will it seem unfair?
All the old ghosts will be replaced with new ones.
Someday, your child will ask you what you did during the war.
Boots stood nearly seven feet tall.
Boots was a soldiers soldier.
The man reached into the left breast pocket of his uniform.
He scattered a handful of razorblades on the ground.
Skin peeled away like the flesh of a potato.
Boots had hair so blond it was almost white.
Boots dragged the small body over the pile of sharpened blades.
Lets play a game, Boots said to the boy.
The childs arms were around the waist of his mother.
You are not really dead.
A piece of metal sank deep into the boys pale cheek.
The boys eyes opened as if in shock.
Boots grabbed the little boys right hand and right foot.
He swung the little boy high in the air, high above the bodies of his dead
parents.
No blood poured from the black holes in the boys body.
Bombs went off in the background.
In war, certain people become shining stars.
Bombs set just over the next hill, a sunset in the wrong direction.
The sharp metal of the razors sliced thin through the boys face.
Someday, this will all be washed away in Prozac numbness, in the peace of a
military nursing home.
He swung the little boy lower, lower to the ground, under the body was
dragging over the ground.
Boots had a very large penis.
You are pretending to be dead.
Boots made a point of inserting his penis in every dead person he came
across.
Boots was proud of his fine endowments.
The white of the little boys eye stared straight at Boots.
Someday you will forget this, even in dreams.
Reviews :: by Tom Sullivan
LIVE: Foil / Halycon Days - Birch Hill Niteclub / April 12
In this area, there is only a moderate sized ska scene. You will find good,
all-ska shows usually headlined by Inspecter 7 or the Royalties about once
a month. Aside from that, you have to put up with one ska band mixed up with
a bunch of gothic, metal, or hardcore bands.
Case in point, this show. Foil is a new ska band to the local scene, but
they are by no menas new. Foil had existed as a punk band for about two
years, achieving a fair amount of sucess in the Central Jersey excuse for a
punk scene, and then they broke up. The drummer, Nuno Rodriguez, decided
to reform the band but keep the name. He wanted a ska band. So, he started
a ska band. He is the only member of the original Foil that is still in
the band, but its ok. That story was unecassary, but hey.
Anyway, this was Foils second show. Their first show was about two weeks
ago, and in that time they didnt have much time to change. Foil is really
good, let me start by saying that. Theyre definetely going to be a good ska
band if they keep it up. They already have a show May 16 at the Howell NJ
VFW with Moon Ska artists Inspecter 7. If Foil becomes a solid band, well
have a good ska scene in this area.
Foil combines a mixture of third wave stuff. Theyre a 9 piece band drums,
guitar, bass, and singer keyboard, trombone, trumpet, 2 saxophones, and you
can hear a mixture of influences in their music. Aside from being influenced
by the generic fast third-wave ska music denoted by fast horn note
changes, fast guitar, etc, they also play a lot of slower, almost two-tone
stuff big Toasters influence here. Theyre a great dance band.
On this night, they played for about 45 minutes with 14 songs. Amoung the
songs that they played were the anti-gothic masterpiece, I Hate Marilyn
Manson and the skinhead the aforementioned Nuno Rodriguez is a devoted SHARP
dance song, Take It. My favorite song that they have is a new rendition of
my favorite punk-Foil song, Dont Smoke. That song is quickly becoming
their best song.
The only mishap of the night being that the guitarists distortion pedal went
out on him half way through the show, meaning a lot of dead time between
songs while he tried to fix the guitar. That didnt let them play as well as
they could have.
The crowd was ok. It wasnt a ska show, thats for sure. Myself, and three
of my friends were skankin the whole set. There was about four other people
out there the whole time as well. Then you had about 75 people just standing
in the back watching a bunch of hardcore wussies.
There was some shitty band that looked like Van Halen that came on next.
They were all fourty and old, and I just couldnt get into their music.
The next band was Halycon Days. Now, I dont know how to describe them.
But, they play a mixture of near-hardcore tempo rock music, with a dose of
blues and funk. The bassist is excellent, the singer reminds me of Jim
Morrison, and he plays a mean guitar. The drummer is really good. I saw
this band before, and I didnt really like them all that much but, I liked
them a lot more now.
I wish Foil a lot of luck. With bands like the Royalties, Inspecter 7, and
Foil in this area, the ska scene in New Jersey is looking very good.
LP: The Dumm-Dumms, Oxymaroon Glass Tube Records
The three members of this rock band from Virginia play their instruments to
perfection. Each instrument perfectly compliments each other, making a
smooth refined sound. Their sound is catchy pop-rock with a fast, and
danceable beat. The best song on this album is an extremely catchy and
extremely well-written song called Chemical Thing. None of the instruments
really stand out above the others theyre all equally balenced and equally
well played. This is a great album that displays a lot of talent and
musicianship.
Grade: A
LP: Open Defience, s/t My Own Records
Sounds like your typical hardcore band, but your typical hardcore band can
sound good on some nights. Somewhat better than good drumming is that a
doubke bass drum?, ok bass, rythmic guitars, and a lot of screaming
barking?. moshable.
Grade: C+
LP: Valarie Morris, Transformations Skyblue Productions
The factsheet lists her musical style as electronic/20th century classical.
Read: take a slow Orbital song and mix it in a blender with Yanni. Minus ten
points for originality.
Grade: D
eZINE: Fitshaced http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Lofts/9157
Fitshaced is probably the best webzine that Ive read in a while. Its well
written, highly sarcastic, and utterly witty. Full of rants and spewings on
everything from todays fashion trends, Gwen Stefani Die Gwen Die!, to
mockery on Urban America The Ebonics Bible, complete with the Ebonics
translations of Our Father, Hail Mary, and the Ten Commandments. Did you
know that 90 of America worships Satan, and doesnt realize it?
Obituraries, and commentary are included for Tupac Shakur, the Notorious BIG,
and the Heavens Gate Cult. This is a priceless zine, and I highly
recommended that you take a look at it.
Grade: A+
eZINE: Bondage, issue 3 http://www.dto.net/va/
It seems that nearly everything Eerie does is really good. Bondage is
definetely one of the better poetry zines on the Internet right now. Its
just, really good poetry, theres no way about it. On top of that, theres a
fantastic layout. This is a fierce magazine.
Grade: A+
Contact information for labels listed in this issue:
Glass Tube Records - 201 Monte Vista - Charlottesville, VA 22903
My Own Records - 9048 Arlington Blvd - Fairfax, VA 22031
Skyblue Productions - 5779 Nottingham Drive - El Sobrante, CA 94803
Contact Copyright Information
Jonas eZine Volume 3, Issue 1 is Copyright c 1997 by Jonas Productions,
all rights reserved. Copyrights to stories, articles, artwork, and
photographs are property of their creators, unless otherwise noted. The
contents of this publication may not be reproduced in whole or in part
without the express written consent of the copyright owner. Jonas may be
freely distributed as long as this notice remains in place.
Means of contacting Jonas Productions:
email - edi@cybercomm.net edicius/main address
marc@netlabs.net belial
www - http://www.cybercomm.net/edi/jonas/index.html
ftp - ftp.etext.org /pub/Zines/Jonas
mail - Jonas eZine / c/o Tom Sullivan / 8 Mills Avenue / Port Monmouth,
NJ 07758-1114
irc - look for edi on the EfNet IRC channel jonas
Miscelaneous information:
Thanks to Belial, Mindcrime, Grey Hawk, Jason, Buddy, Pat, James, Steve, and
Brianne, Rob, and Dave for comic relief on the weekends. Thanks to Kristen
for comic relief in life in general.
Thanks to Abbott Promotions, Glasstube Records, Skyblue Productions, and My
Own Records.
I also need to thank every who has helped me along the way. Thanks for
everything over the last two years.
CDs that I was listening to right before the release of this issue:
Mephiskapheles, God Bless Satan / Minor Threat, complete discography / Soul
Coughing, Irresistible Bliss / Goa Spaceship 101, A Goa Trance Trip Into
Space / Suicide Machines, Destruction by Definetion.
Jonas reviews all zines, cds, demos, movies, or anything else that is sent
to them. Send it to our address listed above. We promise we will review it.
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