--y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
y0lk: 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life
s. .sP7s.
xxxxxxxxxxx xx xx xxxxxxx b xxxxxxxxxxx
::::::::::: : :: :::.ss ,gP :: ::::::: :
:::::::::: :: :: : g. ::::::::::::
:::: :::::: :: : :: :b ::: ::: :::
xxxxxxxxxxx 9bssd 9bssdP bssdP : xxxxxxxxxxx
ssss P tMM
a play. i feel like writing a play. of course, i have no idea why
it probably comes from some influence given to me by a play ive read in some
recent time... but who cares. i feel like writing a play, about ziners.
a dorky thing to do yes it is. its been done a thousand times yes it has.
but, as youve heard me say before, i really dont give a rats ass about
y0lk so forget it. yeah. so here it is. heres my play.
--yay----------------------------------------------------------------------
- ACT ONE -
.. scene one ..
creed and trip are sitting in an empty bowling emporium, talking.
creed: uhm, you came all the way to new jersey just to be at this
stupid y0lk party.
trip: yeah, man!!@
creed: I GUESS THATS WHY THEY CALL YOU TRIP!
trip: HAR HAR HAR.
creed: well, thanks.
trip: no problem, mang. id travel any distance to be at a
y0lkfest!
creed: i cant tell you how much of a loser you are.
trip: guh. were all losers. thats the tag you take when you
become a zine person. im a loser, and im damn proud of it.
two freaky kids gallop in, screaming.
creed: oh, great. i suppose this is the rest of the 201 squad.
trip: bleah.
the freaks calm down and present themselves.
hooch: uhm, hi. im hooch.
phorce: and im his trusty sidekick, fallout boy!
creed: hey phorce.
hooch: uh. why the hell did we decide to meet in a bowling alley?
creed: bowling rules man!@
hooch: were not gonna actually bowl, are we?
creed: uh, no.
much rejoicing follows.
trip: so. uhm. what now?
loud crashing noises come from above.
phorce: uhm, what the hell is on the roof?
trip: reindeer!@
hooch: snore
the roof collapses, and two men dressed in ninja gear come crashing
down from the roof.
creed: gad!@ its the japanese hitmen, theyve found me!@!
trip: no, its the mighty morphin power rangers!!@
the ninjas approach and strike a pose.
belial: no, it is us. we represent the avalon dojo of 908.
edicius: good to see you.
hooch: drool
creed: uhm, you went out and bought ninja costumes, and set up this
crap on the roof just to surprise us?
belial: yeah!@ we rule, eh?!
creed: you people spend way too much time on zine life.
edicius: i bought these throwing stars, too! check em out!
edicius whips out three chinese throwing stars, and throws them in
random directions. one hits hooch in the back.
hooch: gah!@!@ what the hell happened? where am i?!!@?
trip: you are in the united nations board room, doctor jones.
welcome.
phorce: nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.
creed: yeah. well. is this it? i dont think anyone else is
coming.
belial: i guess not.
there is a dramatic pause, and a loud rumbling noise outside.
creed: ack!@! what the hell is that?!?!
the crowd dashes outside to see whats going on.
.. scene two ..
the ziners, arriving outside, are greeted by an enormous spaceship
landing.
creed: what in gods name is that?!
phorce: oooh!!! aaahhhh!!@@!@
theme from 2001
belial: it could only be one man.
trip: englebert humperdink?
edicius: WHOA!@! nobody told me englebert humperdink was coming!@
is he gonna sing?!@?
phorce: yeah!@ this rules!@!@ y0lkfest kicks ass!@@
highfives
the spacecraft lands, out comes a three foot man, somewhat resembling
buddha.
mogel: greetings.
creed: AAAAAAH!!@!*@!*@@*
trip: its an antwerp!@ kill it!@@
creed: AAAAAAAAAAAAH!@*!@!@!*!**@!*
phorce: its godzilla!
hooch: dot novasys dot com.
creed: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH@!@!*!*!@*!!@*
edicius: someone kick creed or something.
belial ninja-kicks creed in the face, creed passes out.
mogel: hi guys.
trip: greetings, grandmaster m.
mercuri: poi is a gooey purple substance that is considered a culinary
delight in most parts of hawaii. i like poi.
mogel: uhm, its cold out here, and the plots dwindling. lets go
inside.
exeunt.
.. scene three ..
the crowd is wreaking havoc inside the abandoned bowling emporium.
belial and trip are trying to shove phorce into the ball return,
hooch is trying to get the knife out of his back, mogel is playing
with his silly laptop, creed is passed out on the floor.
mogel: i glued my feet to the ceiling. eat sand.
trip: moo. thats what cows say. they say, mooooooo and the
farmers just sit there. cows are silly.
creed awakens.
mogel: hi creed.
creed: AAAAH!@!* oh, hi mogel. i didnt expect you to come.
the group re-gathers, upon finding that phorce is just a little too
big to fit in the ball return.
trip: hey, creed woke up.
belial: hi creed.
phorce: uh, guys, i cant feel my arm. i think you broke some blood
vessels or something.
creed: sorry, i must have dozed off or something. so. how is
everybody?
phorce: my hand is turning blue.
creed: uhm, this bowling alley is boring. lets go eat somewhere.
anyone got a car?
silence
creed: uhm, lets walk. walking is more fun than yahtzee, except
when you play australian-style.
everybody leaves. yay.
.. scene four ..
the crowd is sitting in a booth at a diner. mogel is playing with
his laptop, trying to compile a dto special-release. belial and trip
are trying to see how many pringles they can fit down phorces pants.
hooch is trying to get the throwing star out of his back. edicius
is mushing cheese between his toes. creed is just-a whistlin dixie.
trip: uh, food. someone get a waitress.
phorce: yoo-hoo!@ waitress!@
a gum-smacking waitress approaches.
waitress: yeah, what do you all want?
mogel: RRRRRRRR-RABBIT STEW!@!@!@!*!
phorce: grape jell-o, please.
trip: one live cow, por favor.
hooch: id like a rotten corpse, al dente.
belial: give me mozzarella sticks or give me death.
waitress: yo. is that all?
mahatma ghandi: touch me, love me, feel my tender, yet bony breasts. love
them. worship me. i am ghandi.
waitress: ok, then. 15 minutes.
waiter leaves.
creed: m0gm0gm0gm0gm0gm0gm0gm0gm0gm0gm0gm0g.
satan rushes through the door, looks around the diner. upon seeing
the ziners at a table, he approaches and speaks.
satan: hey guys.
creed: hey satan.
r0oth4x0r dcc me saten
satan: uhm, creed. can i borrow a couple bucks, i need gas money.
belial: dont do it, man!@@! hes trying to con you out of your
soul!@!!
creed: uhm... sure, satan. have a seat, ill buy you some food.
satan: thanks, man.
satan sits down with the group.
waitress: ok, heres your food. one soup, one grape jell-o, one live
cow, one rotten corpse, and one order of mozzarella sticks.
hooch: i ordered that al dente, you whore!@@
satan: its ok, man. ill take care of her.
satan incinerates the waitress. the group gnarls down their food.
edicius: yum. that was food.
creed: yep. what now?
satan: lets go to 7-11.
everybody stands up and leave.
mogel: im not done with my soup!@! bastards!@@
.. scene five ..
the crowd is at a 7-11. everyone is drinking out of the slurpee
machine.
hooch: glugglugglugglugglugglugglug.
trip: h3y guys!@!@ satan iz here!@!@ wh0a!@ elete!@
phorce: my arm just fell off, guys. maybe we should get an ambulance
or something.
indian clerk: are you boys going to buy something or are you just going to
drink out of my slurpee machine all night?
satan incinerates the clerk. mogel takes the stand as clerk and
starts to play with the 7-11 store computer.
kris: my name is d-a-double d-y-m-a-c, there aint another brother
bad as me.
trip: this is boring. im going to make a bomb.
trip begins the construction of a bomb in the corner of the store.
mogel: d00dz!@ ive almost hacked root on this ware!@ eleete!
hooch: glugglugglugglugglugglugglugglugglugglug.
belial: uhm, hooch is starting to get bigger. hes drinking a lot
of that slurpee stuff. black cherry, too. that flavor
sucks.
talking cow: i believe that eastern european nations shifting to a
free-market economy may not actually be a good idea.
trip: the bomb is complete. seeing as the plot of this story is
completely dead, i guess ill blow this joint up.
mogel: wait!@ d00dz!@ im almost done k0ding this virus!@ and
i gotta upload tha dig-dug game!@!@!
explosion
--y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
ok. thats it. my sucky little play. by the way, im in hong kong
writing this. seriously. hong kong sucks.
but... before i end this, i feel like a poem. heres my poem.
--poem!@------------------------------------------------------------------
melting,
melting,
melting,
melting,
melting,
melting,
the commies are melting
my
brain
aaaah!@
--fin----------------------------------------------------------------------
.db.
title author
01 the other white meat creed
02 several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin creed
03 nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars. creed
04 a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin creed
05 household uses for afghanistanian food creed
06 pour cement down my anus hooch
07 hail santa! creed
08 hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties? hooch
09 lunchables rock. creed
10 t-shirts and toejam bedlam
11 nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview hooch
12 movie reviews showgirls!@ - win95 vs. os/2 sorta hooch
13 straight outta compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@ hooch
14 im a tall, goofy, dorky, chink phorce
15 bedazzled by the eliteness creed
16 how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina creed
17 i am a warez pup - who are you? hooch
18 lemmings phorce
19 the science of astrology belial
20 the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene cd/h0
21 dUcK 54uc3?!!? phorce
22 top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself creed
23 citrus fruits for sale phorce
24 group masturbation belial
25 ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs creed
26 catering for the warez eleet phorce
27 brief mental pause belial
28 the army day camp belial
29 the geek theory, hickies, and another long day creed
30 nets, zines, and that chick from wings hooch
31 mentos! the freedom giver! mercuri
32 ramblings of a poseur bedlam
33 sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan creed
34 fuck you - a note to all yall on zines hooch
35 apples, oranges, and pears phorce
36 the little cultist that couldnt creed
37 careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate creed
38 snowday phorce
39 creed is g0d creed
40 big hurt is ruler of the earth bighurt
41 dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue bighurt
42 bbs softwares/internet hooch
43 abandon thy gods! from yonder cometh y0lk! creed
44 mogels own very special personalized 1 y0lk issue phorce
45 your burro is no jackass! creed
46 rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars creed
47 outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers creed
48 Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off creed
49 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life creed
TT
if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
like it or not. if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et
cetera.
hooch is the stupendous chief shephard of y0lk.
phorce is the head samurai of y0lk! beware!
mindcrime is an official y0lk member, cuz hes just so damn wacky-ass.
email creed@nexxus.novasys.com to contact me. yep.
y0lk: 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life
s. .sP7s.
xxxxxxxxxxx xx xx xxxxxxx b xxxxxxxxxxx
::::::::::: : :: :::.ss ,gP :: ::::::: :
:::::::::: :: :: : g. ::::::::::::
:::: :::::: :: : :: :b ::: ::: :::
xxxxxxxxxxx 9bssd 9bssdP bssdP : xxxxxxxxxxx
ssss P tMM
a play. i feel like writing a play. of course, i have no idea why
it probably comes from some influence given to me by a play ive read in some
recent time... but who cares. i feel like writing a play, about ziners.
a dorky thing to do yes it is. its been done a thousand times yes it has.
but, as youve heard me say before, i really dont give a rats ass about
y0lk so forget it. yeah. so here it is. heres my play.
--yay----------------------------------------------------------------------
- ACT ONE -
.. scene one ..
creed and trip are sitting in an empty bowling emporium, talking.
creed: uhm, you came all the way to new jersey just to be at this
stupid y0lk party.
trip: yeah, man!!@
creed: I GUESS THATS WHY THEY CALL YOU TRIP!
trip: HAR HAR HAR.
creed: well, thanks.
trip: no problem, mang. id travel any distance to be at a
y0lkfest!
creed: i cant tell you how much of a loser you are.
trip: guh. were all losers. thats the tag you take when you
become a zine person. im a loser, and im damn proud of it.
two freaky kids gallop in, screaming.
creed: oh, great. i suppose this is the rest of the 201 squad.
trip: bleah.
the freaks calm down and present themselves.
hooch: uhm, hi. im hooch.
phorce: and im his trusty sidekick, fallout boy!
creed: hey phorce.
hooch: uh. why the hell did we decide to meet in a bowling alley?
creed: bowling rules man!@
hooch: were not gonna actually bowl, are we?
creed: uh, no.
much rejoicing follows.
trip: so. uhm. what now?
loud crashing noises come from above.
phorce: uhm, what the hell is on the roof?
trip: reindeer!@
hooch: snore
the roof collapses, and two men dressed in ninja gear come crashing
down from the roof.
creed: gad!@ its the japanese hitmen, theyve found me!@!
trip: no, its the mighty morphin power rangers!!@
the ninjas approach and strike a pose.
belial: no, it is us. we represent the avalon dojo of 908.
edicius: good to see you.
hooch: drool
creed: uhm, you went out and bought ninja costumes, and set up this
crap on the roof just to surprise us?
belial: yeah!@ we rule, eh?!
creed: you people spend way too much time on zine life.
edicius: i bought these throwing stars, too! check em out!
edicius whips out three chinese throwing stars, and throws them in
random directions. one hits hooch in the back.
hooch: gah!@!@ what the hell happened? where am i?!!@?
trip: you are in the united nations board room, doctor jones.
welcome.
phorce: nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.
creed: yeah. well. is this it? i dont think anyone else is
coming.
belial: i guess not.
there is a dramatic pause, and a loud rumbling noise outside.
creed: ack!@! what the hell is that?!?!
the crowd dashes outside to see whats going on.
.. scene two ..
the ziners, arriving outside, are greeted by an enormous spaceship
landing.
creed: what in gods name is that?!
phorce: oooh!!! aaahhhh!!@@!@
theme from 2001
belial: it could only be one man.
trip: englebert humperdink?
edicius: WHOA!@! nobody told me englebert humperdink was coming!@
is he gonna sing?!@?
phorce: yeah!@ this rules!@!@ y0lkfest kicks ass!@@
highfives
the spacecraft lands, out comes a three foot man, somewhat resembling
buddha.
mogel: greetings.
creed: AAAAAAH!!@!*@!*@@*
trip: its an antwerp!@ kill it!@@
creed: AAAAAAAAAAAAH!@*!@!@!*!**@!*
phorce: its godzilla!
hooch: dot novasys dot com.
creed: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH@!@!*!*!@*!!@*
edicius: someone kick creed or something.
belial ninja-kicks creed in the face, creed passes out.
mogel: hi guys.
trip: greetings, grandmaster m.
mercuri: poi is a gooey purple substance that is considered a culinary
delight in most parts of hawaii. i like poi.
mogel: uhm, its cold out here, and the plots dwindling. lets go
inside.
exeunt.
.. scene three ..
the crowd is wreaking havoc inside the abandoned bowling emporium.
belial and trip are trying to shove phorce into the ball return,
hooch is trying to get the knife out of his back, mogel is playing
with his silly laptop, creed is passed out on the floor.
mogel: i glued my feet to the ceiling. eat sand.
trip: moo. thats what cows say. they say, mooooooo and the
farmers just sit there. cows are silly.
creed awakens.
mogel: hi creed.
creed: AAAAH!@!* oh, hi mogel. i didnt expect you to come.
the group re-gathers, upon finding that phorce is just a little too
big to fit in the ball return.
trip: hey, creed woke up.
belial: hi creed.
phorce: uh, guys, i cant feel my arm. i think you broke some blood
vessels or something.
creed: sorry, i must have dozed off or something. so. how is
everybody?
phorce: my hand is turning blue.
creed: uhm, this bowling alley is boring. lets go eat somewhere.
anyone got a car?
silence
creed: uhm, lets walk. walking is more fun than yahtzee, except
when you play australian-style.
everybody leaves. yay.
.. scene four ..
the crowd is sitting in a booth at a diner. mogel is playing with
his laptop, trying to compile a dto special-release. belial and trip
are trying to see how many pringles they can fit down phorces pants.
hooch is trying to get the throwing star out of his back. edicius
is mushing cheese between his toes. creed is just-a whistlin dixie.
trip: uh, food. someone get a waitress.
phorce: yoo-hoo!@ waitress!@
a gum-smacking waitress approaches.
waitress: yeah, what do you all want?
mogel: RRRRRRRR-RABBIT STEW!@!@!@!*!
phorce: grape jell-o, please.
trip: one live cow, por favor.
hooch: id like a rotten corpse, al dente.
belial: give me mozzarella sticks or give me death.
waitress: yo. is that all?
mahatma ghandi: touch me, love me, feel my tender, yet bony breasts. love
them. worship me. i am ghandi.
waitress: ok, then. 15 minutes.
waiter leaves.
creed: m0gm0gm0gm0gm0gm0gm0gm0gm0gm0gm0gm0g.
satan rushes through the door, looks around the diner. upon seeing
the ziners at a table, he approaches and speaks.
satan: hey guys.
creed: hey satan.
r0oth4x0r dcc me saten
satan: uhm, creed. can i borrow a couple bucks, i need gas money.
belial: dont do it, man!@@! hes trying to con you out of your
soul!@!!
creed: uhm... sure, satan. have a seat, ill buy you some food.
satan: thanks, man.
satan sits down with the group.
waitress: ok, heres your food. one soup, one grape jell-o, one live
cow, one rotten corpse, and one order of mozzarella sticks.
hooch: i ordered that al dente, you whore!@@
satan: its ok, man. ill take care of her.
satan incinerates the waitress. the group gnarls down their food.
edicius: yum. that was food.
creed: yep. what now?
satan: lets go to 7-11.
everybody stands up and leave.
mogel: im not done with my soup!@! bastards!@@
.. scene five ..
the crowd is at a 7-11. everyone is drinking out of the slurpee
machine.
hooch: glugglugglugglugglugglugglug.
trip: h3y guys!@!@ satan iz here!@!@ wh0a!@ elete!@
phorce: my arm just fell off, guys. maybe we should get an ambulance
or something.
indian clerk: are you boys going to buy something or are you just going to
drink out of my slurpee machine all night?
satan incinerates the clerk. mogel takes the stand as clerk and
starts to play with the 7-11 store computer.
kris: my name is d-a-double d-y-m-a-c, there aint another brother
bad as me.
trip: this is boring. im going to make a bomb.
trip begins the construction of a bomb in the corner of the store.
mogel: d00dz!@ ive almost hacked root on this ware!@ eleete!
hooch: glugglugglugglugglugglugglugglugglugglug.
belial: uhm, hooch is starting to get bigger. hes drinking a lot
of that slurpee stuff. black cherry, too. that flavor
sucks.
talking cow: i believe that eastern european nations shifting to a
free-market economy may not actually be a good idea.
trip: the bomb is complete. seeing as the plot of this story is
completely dead, i guess ill blow this joint up.
mogel: wait!@ d00dz!@ im almost done k0ding this virus!@ and
i gotta upload tha dig-dug game!@!@!
explosion
--y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
ok. thats it. my sucky little play. by the way, im in hong kong
writing this. seriously. hong kong sucks.
but... before i end this, i feel like a poem. heres my poem.
--poem!@------------------------------------------------------------------
melting,
melting,
melting,
melting,
melting,
melting,
the commies are melting
my
brain
aaaah!@
--fin----------------------------------------------------------------------
.db.
title author
01 the other white meat creed
02 several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin creed
03 nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars. creed
04 a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin creed
05 household uses for afghanistanian food creed
06 pour cement down my anus hooch
07 hail santa! creed
08 hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties? hooch
09 lunchables rock. creed
10 t-shirts and toejam bedlam
11 nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview hooch
12 movie reviews showgirls!@ - win95 vs. os/2 sorta hooch
13 straight outta compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@ hooch
14 im a tall, goofy, dorky, chink phorce
15 bedazzled by the eliteness creed
16 how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina creed
17 i am a warez pup - who are you? hooch
18 lemmings phorce
19 the science of astrology belial
20 the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene cd/h0
21 dUcK 54uc3?!!? phorce
22 top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself creed
23 citrus fruits for sale phorce
24 group masturbation belial
25 ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs creed
26 catering for the warez eleet phorce
27 brief mental pause belial
28 the army day camp belial
29 the geek theory, hickies, and another long day creed
30 nets, zines, and that chick from wings hooch
31 mentos! the freedom giver! mercuri
32 ramblings of a poseur bedlam
33 sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan creed
34 fuck you - a note to all yall on zines hooch
35 apples, oranges, and pears phorce
36 the little cultist that couldnt creed
37 careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate creed
38 snowday phorce
39 creed is g0d creed
40 big hurt is ruler of the earth bighurt
41 dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue bighurt
42 bbs softwares/internet hooch
43 abandon thy gods! from yonder cometh y0lk! creed
44 mogels own very special personalized 1 y0lk issue phorce
45 your burro is no jackass! creed
46 rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars creed
47 outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers creed
48 Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off creed
49 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life creed
TT
if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
like it or not. if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et
cetera.
hooch is the stupendous chief shephard of y0lk.
phorce is the head samurai of y0lk! beware!
mindcrime is an official y0lk member, cuz hes just so damn wacky-ass.
email creed@nexxus.novasys.com to contact me. yep.
log in to add a comment.