--woo----------------------------------------------------------------------
y0lk 75: jamesy and the giant slinky
the following article was written for slinky ezine, by james
hetfield, with random jokes written by mogel murmur. however, to our
surprise, this t-file was REJECTED by cerkit belial of slinky ezine.
therefore, we now bring this file to you, Y0LK-READER, for your
reading pleasure! ENJOY!
- mogel doomed@voicenet.com
The clumsy postman invades woodlawn
by James Hetfield dt0, doodz!
It was the elite of times, it was the lame of times. It was
a time of great couriering, it was a time of great stagnency. It was
a time of multi-colored blocks it was a time of LCD monitors. It was
woodlawn slinkyland.
The population of the town of slinkyland was approx. 7. All the
local citizens, therefore, noticed any strangers in woodlawn slinkyville.
And on this day, friday december the 34th, there certainly was a stranger
in woodlawn slinkyville. there was also some custard, but perhaps that
wasnt so important. in fact, its not really important at all.
I am clumsy postman and everyone will feel my wrath as i use
my trip technique on you! he roared as he entered the small town of
woodlawn slinkyville.
belial, a local patron, heard his battle cry and quickly ran
to his next door neighbors, cerkit, to tell him about the dangerous
monstrosity. of course, to call belial a local patron is kind of goofy,
but thats quite all right.
do0d this is like bad. cerkit said, after taking a few more
hits to cope with the situation. cerkit would one day learn to lay off
those louisville sluggers.
weve got to stop him! metalchic is our only hope! belial
whined, as he ready the chic-signal.
a very large picture of an iron lurked above the clouds of
woodlawn slinkyville. The patrons now knew something was wrong. it was
probably the overflowing toilet in the local monastery where belial and
cerkit occassionally played monk, but it could have been something else.
dont worry, woodlawn slinkyville! Ill be right there!
metalchic said to herself as she saw the signal in the clouds. she had to
put on her hero-outfit first, which was basically just a rush t-shirt and
some jeans.
life is pathetic. gimme a break. there are NO heroes. how
many times do I have to tell you people this? so what. so what if
someone is stronger, or smarter, or what not. they wont get any farther
into the ground when they die then you will. hey, clyclone rangers, listen
up. for this story is about all of us. this isnt just a silly tidbit from
a fictional writer. no. this is real, babycakes.
metalchic, eh? well, taste the fury of the air mail! clumsy
postal man said, as he whipped his shrueken-sharp letters at metalchic.
aHa! i am made of metal! you cannot harm me with your petty
attacks! metalchic retorted, letters clanking off her torso.
surely then you shall phear the snail mail delay blast! clumsy
postman cried, as he shot a bolt of power at metalchic, freezing her in
time. lucky time@!
nonONONONOnNLnOnONNO now how will i get my new issues of slinky?!
metalchic whined, not able to move a muscle.
i know what youre thinking, if she couldnt move a muscle, how
could she whine? well, shut up, jackass.
mohahahaha! i owns your codes now, metalchic! clumsy postman
maniacially laughed as he turned for his next targets, the patrons of
woodlawn slinkyville.
picture yourself in a field. picture yourself letting your hair
down in that field, feeling a light breeze across your face in that field.
picture yourself leaning slightly on someone you love, as a breeze lightly
touches your cheeck in that field. picture yourself eating a nice pack
of gourmet peztm while you lean slightly on someone you love as a light
breeze kisses you on the cheeck in a beautiful field. Picture yourself
breaking the heart of your girlfriend as you lean slightly on someone you
love as a light breeze touches you lightly on the cheeck in that field.
but first, picture yourself getting shot in the stomach because your
girlfriend was alanis moresette as you lean slightly on someone you love
as a light breeze fucks your ear in that beautiful field. picture yourself
getting someone you love pregnant and having flipper babies because you
have no more prostate glands because your girlfriend who was alanis
moresette kicked you too hard in the nuts after a light breeze fucked your
ear so hard it blew our your eardrum in a beautiful field.
now it is your turn, cerkit! feel the wrath of PRIORITY MAIL!
clumsy postal man said, whipping out his prized package.
Unfortunately, clumsy postman tripped on his shoelaces and impaled
himself on that priority letter, bringing this story to an unexpected close.
sorry, batman.
however, the end was not quite there. something still gloomed over
the story like a dark cloud, not enabling the story to reach its expected
end. was it the relationships between the characters? was it the lack of
inside jokes? was it mogel looming over the keyboard? or was it that we
hadnt yet added a section of pip-bashing. yeah! thats it!
i was somewhere between heaven and hell when i realized the meaning of
why all us scumsucking bags of flesh parade around the earth. but thats not
important now. what is important is the fact that your mom is one tubby,
fat peice of shit. yeah, thats right, im talking to YOU. shut the hell up
already. talk, talk, talk. you just flap and flap and flap your lips like a
fuckin humming bird, but i know the deal.
theres nothing in the world like peeing against the wind.
pip arrived on the scene.
im an idiot, he muttered and felt a kick.
ok! ok! im a BIG idiot! he retorted.
all was peaceful. until...
isnt it ironic? dont you think?
hey, said belial, we forgot about metalchic!
yes, they had forgotten about metalchic, still frozen in time.
we should help her! said pip.
i guess so, said cerkit, so they sat and discussed what to do.
then they realized that metalchic was an attractive young lady and
whoever saved her first she would probably be indebted to.
oh, i just remembered this can of gasoline, said cerkit. cerkit
threw the gasoline on metalchic, freeing her from space-time. however, she
was covered with gasoline, so she didnt feel indebted to cerkit, but just
hugged him.
its like raaaaiiiiin, on your wedding day...
im going to go start a new zine now, said pip.
and all was happy in woodlawn slinkyville.
--note--------------------------------------------------------------------
i love jamesy. yeah. i just need to take a moment to extend a huge
thanks to mogel and all these writers for giving me like, eight y0lk files
tonight. so be prepared. 04/29/96, y0lk explosion.
--index-------------------------------------------------------------------
.db.
title author
01 the other white meat creed
02 several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin creed
03 nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars. creed
04 a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin creed
05 household uses for afghanistanian food creed
06 pour cement down my anus hooch
07 hail santa! creed
08 hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties? hooch
09 lunchables rock. creed
10 t-shirts and toejam bedlam
11 nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview hooch
12 movie reviews showgirls!@ - win95 vs. os/2 sorta hooch
13 straight outta compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@ hooch
14 im a tall, goofy, dorky, chink phorce
15 bedazzled by the eliteness creed
16 how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina creed
17 i am a warez pup - who are you? hooch
18 lemmings phorce
19 the science of astrology belial
20 the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene cd/h0
21 dUcK 54uc3?!!? phorce
22 top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself creed
23 citrus fruits for sale phorce
24 group masturbation belial
25 ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs creed
26 catering for the warez eleet phorce
27 brief mental pause belial
28 the army day camp belial
29 the geek theory, hickies, and another long day creed
30 nets, zines, and that chick from wings hooch
31 mentos! the freedom giver! mercuri
32 ramblings of a poseur bedlam
33 sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan creed
34 fuck you - a note to all yall on zines hooch
35 apples, oranges, and pears phorce
36 the little cultist that couldnt creed
37 careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate creed
38 snowday phorce
39 creed is g0d creed
40 big hurt is ruler of the earth bighurt
41 dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue bighurt
42 bbs softwares/internet hooch
43 abandon thy gods! from yonder cometh y0lk! creed
44 mogels own very special personalized 1 y0lk issue phorce
45 your burro is no jackass! creed
46 rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars creed
47 outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers creed
48 Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off creed
49 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life creed
50 the best of the worst creed
51 the prince of darkness versus some guy named dave trip
52 ode to my feet creed
53 hopelessly lost poots
54 the schoolhouse r0x! phorce
55 campbells chicken-noodle soup omen of death creed
56 dead cats juke
57 my inner taco handle
58 my place, or yours? mercuri
59 how to really use that spiffy monopoly money lumpy
60 struggle wif the giant pink elephant lucifer
61 why did the chicken cross the road? insane
62 y0lk test pattern mutter
63 ELiTE LiT from the master himself creed
64 creeds k-rad lit archives, volume two creed
65 UNSOPHISTICATED FASCIST BASTARDS. YOU DONT UNDERSTAND ME. creed
66 how y0lk saved my life sorta creed
67 shiny nickles, no more TP, and shitty knuckles ideal
68 some puppet plays phorce
69 ... Hello operator ... mutter
70 i bit my nail, now my finger is bleeding. traq
71 battle of the ants rage
72 fun on the phone ideal
73 yabba-dabba do, scooby-dooby do, and many other mysteries.. handle
74 i love you as my own mother sphrog
75 jamesy and the giant slinky jamesy
TT
--infoez--------------------------------------------------------------------
if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
like it or not. if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et
cetera.
phoenix 201 is the official eleet telecom section of y0lk
hooch is the stupendous chief shephard of y0lk.
phorce is the head samurai of y0lk! beware!
mindcrime is an official y0lk member, cuz hes just so damn wacky-ass.
heil creed. HEIL! HEIL!
to get all the rest of the y0lks, ftp to ftp.openix.com /ftp/phorce/y0lk
or... call our world headquarters, erebus, at 201-762-1373. k-rad.
*or*... look for y0lkb0t on irc, efnet. type @y0lk number for y0lks.
OR... ATTENTION y0lkies! join the y0lk mailing list! chat about y0lk
and all them other zines, too! email listserv@magsystems.com with the line
subscribe y0lk in the body of the message.
dont you feel like youre getting a little too much information here?
couldnt we just show our ftp site and shut up? its just sad that we
have to advertise all our cheap media at the bottom of every textfile
like this. what a bunch of losers we are.
y0lk 75: jamesy and the giant slinky
the following article was written for slinky ezine, by james
hetfield, with random jokes written by mogel murmur. however, to our
surprise, this t-file was REJECTED by cerkit belial of slinky ezine.
therefore, we now bring this file to you, Y0LK-READER, for your
reading pleasure! ENJOY!
- mogel doomed@voicenet.com
The clumsy postman invades woodlawn
by James Hetfield dt0, doodz!
It was the elite of times, it was the lame of times. It was
a time of great couriering, it was a time of great stagnency. It was
a time of multi-colored blocks it was a time of LCD monitors. It was
woodlawn slinkyland.
The population of the town of slinkyland was approx. 7. All the
local citizens, therefore, noticed any strangers in woodlawn slinkyville.
And on this day, friday december the 34th, there certainly was a stranger
in woodlawn slinkyville. there was also some custard, but perhaps that
wasnt so important. in fact, its not really important at all.
I am clumsy postman and everyone will feel my wrath as i use
my trip technique on you! he roared as he entered the small town of
woodlawn slinkyville.
belial, a local patron, heard his battle cry and quickly ran
to his next door neighbors, cerkit, to tell him about the dangerous
monstrosity. of course, to call belial a local patron is kind of goofy,
but thats quite all right.
do0d this is like bad. cerkit said, after taking a few more
hits to cope with the situation. cerkit would one day learn to lay off
those louisville sluggers.
weve got to stop him! metalchic is our only hope! belial
whined, as he ready the chic-signal.
a very large picture of an iron lurked above the clouds of
woodlawn slinkyville. The patrons now knew something was wrong. it was
probably the overflowing toilet in the local monastery where belial and
cerkit occassionally played monk, but it could have been something else.
dont worry, woodlawn slinkyville! Ill be right there!
metalchic said to herself as she saw the signal in the clouds. she had to
put on her hero-outfit first, which was basically just a rush t-shirt and
some jeans.
life is pathetic. gimme a break. there are NO heroes. how
many times do I have to tell you people this? so what. so what if
someone is stronger, or smarter, or what not. they wont get any farther
into the ground when they die then you will. hey, clyclone rangers, listen
up. for this story is about all of us. this isnt just a silly tidbit from
a fictional writer. no. this is real, babycakes.
metalchic, eh? well, taste the fury of the air mail! clumsy
postal man said, as he whipped his shrueken-sharp letters at metalchic.
aHa! i am made of metal! you cannot harm me with your petty
attacks! metalchic retorted, letters clanking off her torso.
surely then you shall phear the snail mail delay blast! clumsy
postman cried, as he shot a bolt of power at metalchic, freezing her in
time. lucky time@!
nonONONONOnNLnOnONNO now how will i get my new issues of slinky?!
metalchic whined, not able to move a muscle.
i know what youre thinking, if she couldnt move a muscle, how
could she whine? well, shut up, jackass.
mohahahaha! i owns your codes now, metalchic! clumsy postman
maniacially laughed as he turned for his next targets, the patrons of
woodlawn slinkyville.
picture yourself in a field. picture yourself letting your hair
down in that field, feeling a light breeze across your face in that field.
picture yourself leaning slightly on someone you love, as a breeze lightly
touches your cheeck in that field. picture yourself eating a nice pack
of gourmet peztm while you lean slightly on someone you love as a light
breeze kisses you on the cheeck in a beautiful field. Picture yourself
breaking the heart of your girlfriend as you lean slightly on someone you
love as a light breeze touches you lightly on the cheeck in that field.
but first, picture yourself getting shot in the stomach because your
girlfriend was alanis moresette as you lean slightly on someone you love
as a light breeze fucks your ear in that beautiful field. picture yourself
getting someone you love pregnant and having flipper babies because you
have no more prostate glands because your girlfriend who was alanis
moresette kicked you too hard in the nuts after a light breeze fucked your
ear so hard it blew our your eardrum in a beautiful field.
now it is your turn, cerkit! feel the wrath of PRIORITY MAIL!
clumsy postal man said, whipping out his prized package.
Unfortunately, clumsy postman tripped on his shoelaces and impaled
himself on that priority letter, bringing this story to an unexpected close.
sorry, batman.
however, the end was not quite there. something still gloomed over
the story like a dark cloud, not enabling the story to reach its expected
end. was it the relationships between the characters? was it the lack of
inside jokes? was it mogel looming over the keyboard? or was it that we
hadnt yet added a section of pip-bashing. yeah! thats it!
i was somewhere between heaven and hell when i realized the meaning of
why all us scumsucking bags of flesh parade around the earth. but thats not
important now. what is important is the fact that your mom is one tubby,
fat peice of shit. yeah, thats right, im talking to YOU. shut the hell up
already. talk, talk, talk. you just flap and flap and flap your lips like a
fuckin humming bird, but i know the deal.
theres nothing in the world like peeing against the wind.
pip arrived on the scene.
im an idiot, he muttered and felt a kick.
ok! ok! im a BIG idiot! he retorted.
all was peaceful. until...
isnt it ironic? dont you think?
hey, said belial, we forgot about metalchic!
yes, they had forgotten about metalchic, still frozen in time.
we should help her! said pip.
i guess so, said cerkit, so they sat and discussed what to do.
then they realized that metalchic was an attractive young lady and
whoever saved her first she would probably be indebted to.
oh, i just remembered this can of gasoline, said cerkit. cerkit
threw the gasoline on metalchic, freeing her from space-time. however, she
was covered with gasoline, so she didnt feel indebted to cerkit, but just
hugged him.
its like raaaaiiiiin, on your wedding day...
im going to go start a new zine now, said pip.
and all was happy in woodlawn slinkyville.
--note--------------------------------------------------------------------
i love jamesy. yeah. i just need to take a moment to extend a huge
thanks to mogel and all these writers for giving me like, eight y0lk files
tonight. so be prepared. 04/29/96, y0lk explosion.
--index-------------------------------------------------------------------
.db.
title author
01 the other white meat creed
02 several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin creed
03 nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars. creed
04 a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin creed
05 household uses for afghanistanian food creed
06 pour cement down my anus hooch
07 hail santa! creed
08 hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties? hooch
09 lunchables rock. creed
10 t-shirts and toejam bedlam
11 nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview hooch
12 movie reviews showgirls!@ - win95 vs. os/2 sorta hooch
13 straight outta compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@ hooch
14 im a tall, goofy, dorky, chink phorce
15 bedazzled by the eliteness creed
16 how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina creed
17 i am a warez pup - who are you? hooch
18 lemmings phorce
19 the science of astrology belial
20 the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene cd/h0
21 dUcK 54uc3?!!? phorce
22 top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself creed
23 citrus fruits for sale phorce
24 group masturbation belial
25 ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs creed
26 catering for the warez eleet phorce
27 brief mental pause belial
28 the army day camp belial
29 the geek theory, hickies, and another long day creed
30 nets, zines, and that chick from wings hooch
31 mentos! the freedom giver! mercuri
32 ramblings of a poseur bedlam
33 sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan creed
34 fuck you - a note to all yall on zines hooch
35 apples, oranges, and pears phorce
36 the little cultist that couldnt creed
37 careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate creed
38 snowday phorce
39 creed is g0d creed
40 big hurt is ruler of the earth bighurt
41 dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue bighurt
42 bbs softwares/internet hooch
43 abandon thy gods! from yonder cometh y0lk! creed
44 mogels own very special personalized 1 y0lk issue phorce
45 your burro is no jackass! creed
46 rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars creed
47 outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers creed
48 Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off creed
49 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life creed
50 the best of the worst creed
51 the prince of darkness versus some guy named dave trip
52 ode to my feet creed
53 hopelessly lost poots
54 the schoolhouse r0x! phorce
55 campbells chicken-noodle soup omen of death creed
56 dead cats juke
57 my inner taco handle
58 my place, or yours? mercuri
59 how to really use that spiffy monopoly money lumpy
60 struggle wif the giant pink elephant lucifer
61 why did the chicken cross the road? insane
62 y0lk test pattern mutter
63 ELiTE LiT from the master himself creed
64 creeds k-rad lit archives, volume two creed
65 UNSOPHISTICATED FASCIST BASTARDS. YOU DONT UNDERSTAND ME. creed
66 how y0lk saved my life sorta creed
67 shiny nickles, no more TP, and shitty knuckles ideal
68 some puppet plays phorce
69 ... Hello operator ... mutter
70 i bit my nail, now my finger is bleeding. traq
71 battle of the ants rage
72 fun on the phone ideal
73 yabba-dabba do, scooby-dooby do, and many other mysteries.. handle
74 i love you as my own mother sphrog
75 jamesy and the giant slinky jamesy
TT
--infoez--------------------------------------------------------------------
if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
like it or not. if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et
cetera.
phoenix 201 is the official eleet telecom section of y0lk
hooch is the stupendous chief shephard of y0lk.
phorce is the head samurai of y0lk! beware!
mindcrime is an official y0lk member, cuz hes just so damn wacky-ass.
heil creed. HEIL! HEIL!
to get all the rest of the y0lks, ftp to ftp.openix.com /ftp/phorce/y0lk
or... call our world headquarters, erebus, at 201-762-1373. k-rad.
*or*... look for y0lkb0t on irc, efnet. type @y0lk number for y0lks.
OR... ATTENTION y0lkies! join the y0lk mailing list! chat about y0lk
and all them other zines, too! email listserv@magsystems.com with the line
subscribe y0lk in the body of the message.
dont you feel like youre getting a little too much information here?
couldnt we just show our ftp site and shut up? its just sad that we
have to advertise all our cheap media at the bottom of every textfile
like this. what a bunch of losers we are.
log in to add a comment.