t ddd i sss ccc oo v v eeee rrrr y y c by sphrog
h d d s c o o v v e r r y y h
e d d i s c o o v v eee rrrr y a
d d i s c o o v v e r r y n
ddd i sss ccc oo v eeee r r y nel
-the discovery channel---------------------------------------------------
i believe this channel can be summed up in one word: QUALITY. on no other
channel can you learn about the mating habits of a sting ray, AND how a cell
phone works. Man... lemme tell ya... the Discovery Channels the SHIT. and
The Learning Channel but theyre really the same thing, or soemthing.
the following quote is copyright the discovery channel...
Dinosaur MAN... gosh, Im not sorry I dont look like THAT... I am sorry
theyre gone, though... there is still much we have to learn about these
beasts, yet they stay locked in our imagination.
the copyrighted part is over... BACK TO THE Y0LK!@!@
gotta love the little segway things they come up with... when the next one
comes on, ill be sure to capture the 100 PURE QUALITY PROGRAMMING
thats being pumped out of my television and into my head 24 hours a day.
-but while im waiting...------------------------------------------------
-Lima Beans--------------------------------------------------------------
sphrog is rad...
anyone who likes lima beans raise your hand!@!@ two dividers in
a row? can he DO
didnt think so. THAT!?@?!
lima beans taste bad.
nod.
-Learning Latin----------------------------------------------------------
im in latin right now, because i sucked at french either that, or i didnt
really try, im not sure. anyway, the curriculum consists of teaching us as
many ways as possible to talk about people beating other people with sticks.
- no joke. -
Davus Sextus verberat cum baculo
Davus beats Sextus with a stick.
Domini celestus volo servi verberant cum virga
The wicked slave driver wants to beat the slaves with a stick.
Cornelius volo verberabat servus cum baculo
Cornelius wants to keep beating the slave with a stick.
- and thats not the half of it. -
there are these little mini-story things in each chapter... and for the last
four chapters, weve followed the trail of a runaway slave. When they found
the motherfucker, the grabbed him by the toga, beat the shit out of him, and
tatooed the letters FUG into his forehead. go figure.
-jaZz--------------------------------------------------------------------
heres my jazz song... a little somethin to get down with, kat...
skiddley bop, boo dee bop, i said-a rop bod boodley bop...
glack goon dacka de dacka de boom tiss, rop boom daka doom...
boom room ga-doom chick dobbadee bee dop.
one day ill make it into real music, but for now i just sing it to my cat.
-band-aids---------------------------------------------------------------
you gotta get the fabric ones, because the other ones just fall off in your
socks. if you wear them on your toes.
-how to make your own candles--------------------------------------------
note: this is a bootleg recipe, i saw it on the Discovery Channel. note the
recurring theme... i think this is one of those things we learn about
in english, but i ferget the name...
WHAT YOU NEED:
other candles A LOT
a pot you dont need
a stove
a string
HOW YOU DO IT:
! melt the candles in the pot you dont need
@ put the string in, and pull it out. a lot....
keep doing it, dumbass, youll get a candle eventually.
lemme know if this works. god only knows WHY you would want to make your own
candles if you have perfectly good ones youre melting, but hey, if youre
like Lynette Jennings - Star of Homeworks its just a really fun project
you can save for a rainy day. I know what *IM* gonna be doin next time it
rains.
-SMaLL RoDeNTS, and how to keep yourself entertained---------------------
note: this is NOT a bootleg thing that I got off the Discovery Channel, but I
think it would be pretty phat if they had something like this... it would do
ever so much to reaffirm my faith in their quality broadcasting.
1 HAMSTERPOWER
WHAT YOU NEED:
Six Hamsters
Six Hamster Wheels
Six Hamster-Os available at your local pet store
Six things thatll make Hamster Wheel power into Electricity
dont know what this is yet... thats part of the fun!@
A Light Bulb
HOW TO DO IT:
1 Hook up all the elctricity things to the light bulb.
2 Feed each hamster a Hamster-O
3 Let em loose.
4 Time how long they can keep the light bulb lit before they pass out.
NOTE: You will need to remove incapacitated hamster from the wheel
shortly after it passes out.
5 Divide this number by six.
6 Your answer is measured in HAMSTERPOWER.
i think this measurement would be real useful for small stuff that
is measured in HORSEPOWER now, but is less than one horsepower.
i cant think of anything now, but im sure theyll come up with
something eventually, and ill make a million biddiles...
2 Cryogenic Freezing.
WHAT YOULL NEED:
Any small rodent, preferably with a terminal illness.
Silly Putty
A Tupperware Container
A Freezer
Water
HOW TO DO IT:
1 Put the water in the freezer for a while, until its not frozen, but its
REALLY cold.
2 Take the rodent, and put it in the really cold water. It should stop
moving as soon as it hits the water. If it doesnt, discard it, let the water
cool more, and try again.
note: unless you have a very understanding family, hide this container
under a slab of frozen meat or something.
3 Wait until scientists find a cure for the terminal illness. This should be
no longer than six weeks, because rodents dont have to get their drugs
approved by all this FDA bullshit. Use the silly putty to keep yourself
occupied in the interum. Silly putty is a very fun toy.
4 Unfreeze the rodent, and cure it. I dont know if this works, but hell,
id pay to watch someone try.
-okay, enough with the rodents-------------------------------------------
that last thing was the worst thing Ive ever read.
oh... THATS why its not on the Discovery Channel...
-Professional Bowling----------------------------------------------------
Best Part: the little POP that the ball makes when some guys thumb is ripped
out of the ball. I think ESPN makes this REALLY loud on purpose,
because they know if it wasnt for that, no one would watch.
Worst Part: thinking about the degree of looserosity that the people who bowl
professionally must posess. it boggles the mind.
-UNICEF------------------------------------------------------------------
United someting something Childrens something Fund.
phear it. ...this y0lk stuff gets
to you after a while
-more on band-aids-------------------------------------------------------
if you put band aids on all your toes, it feels like they fell off.
-leafmold----------------------------------------------------------------
sometimes, when a leaf gets warm and wet and in a dark place, it grows mold.
now i will write a poem about leaf mold. you will love it.
l
eafs
o ftree s
fa lltoth eg
rou ndandge twe
tbec auseitrained la
stnightandnow the
yreinthedark
andguess
whatgr
ew
l
e
a
f
mo
ld
hey... it looks like a leaf...
what a coincidence...
-allergies---------------------------------------------------------------
im allergic to leaf mold.
-names-------------------------------------------------------------------
i wish my name were bitchcakes. then people could call me bitch or cakes for
short. if they called me cakes, people might think i was a cake baker or
something, but if they called me bitch, people would think i was a pimp.
-MORE on band-aids-------------------------------------------------------
if you put them on too tight, your toes really WILL fall off.
-jargon------------------------------------------------------------------
this is the part where I make up my own words
palkay PAL-k-means the same thing as toothbrush that word was just BEGGING
for a synonym
USAGE: Momz... have you seen my fuckin palkay, I need to brush my
teeth.
gorzel GOR-zel-terminal skin condition where it falls off in sections.
USAGE: Maam, your sons got gorzel.
usium BOOR-klum-dutch walking stick arent you glad i included the
pronunciation with THAT one?
USAGE: Svergie borgie hurgie slocklus usium block darge.
-ending------------------------------------------------------------------
One more quote from the discovery channel:
a camera in a clock... whoo boy, they think of something new every day. kinda
reminds me of the good ol days when they used to hide cameras in girls locker
rooms... but we wont go into that right now...
need i say more?
-notez-------------------------------------------------------------------
well, i love that spacephrog kid. hes so funny. hes my hero.
-index!-----------------------------------------------------------------
.db.
title author
01 the other white meat creed
02 several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin creed
03 nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars. creed
04 a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin creed
05 household uses for afghanistanian food creed
06 pour cement down my anus hooch
07 hail santa! creed
08 hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties? hooch
09 lunchables rock. creed
10 t-shirts and toejam bedlam
11 nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview hooch
12 movie reviews showgirls!@ - win95 vs. os/2 sorta hooch
13 straight outta compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@ hooch
14 im a tall, goofy, dorky, chink phorce
15 bedazzled by the eliteness creed
16 how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina creed
17 i am a warez pup - who are you? hooch
18 lemmings phorce
19 the science of astrology belial
20 the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene cd/h0
21 dUcK 54uc3?!!? phorce
22 top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself creed
23 citrus fruits for sale phorce
24 group masturbation belial
25 ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs creed
26 catering for the warez eleet phorce
27 brief mental pause belial
28 the army day camp belial
29 the geek theory, hickies, and another long day creed
30 nets, zines, and that chick from wings hooch
31 mentos! the freedom giver! mercuri
32 ramblings of a poseur bedlam
33 sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan creed
34 fuck you - a note to all yall on zines hooch
35 apples, oranges, and pears phorce
36 the little cultist that couldnt creed
37 careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate creed
38 snowday phorce
39 creed is g0d creed
40 big hurt is ruler of the earth bighurt
41 dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue bighurt
42 bbs softwares/internet hooch
43 abandon thy gods! from yonder cometh y0lk! creed
44 mogels own very special personalized 1 y0lk issue phorce
45 your burro is no jackass! creed
46 rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars creed
47 outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers creed
48 Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off creed
49 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life creed
50 the best of the worst creed
51 the prince of darkness versus some guy named dave trip
52 ode to my feet creed
53 hopelessly lost poots
54 the schoolhouse r0x! phorce
55 campbells chicken-noodle soup omen of death creed
56 dead cats juke
57 my inner taco handle
58 my place, or yours? mercuri
59 how to really use that spiffy monopoly money lumpy
60 struggle wif the giant pink elephant lucifer
61 why did the chicken cross the road? insane
62 y0lk test pattern mutter
63 ELiTE LiT from the master himself creed
64 creeds k-rad lit archives, volume two creed
65 UNSOPHISTICATED FASCIST BASTARDS. YOU DONT UNDERSTAND ME. creed
66 how y0lk saved my life sorta creed
67 shiny nickles, no more TP, and shitty knuckles ideal
68 some puppet plays phorce
69 ... Hello operator ... mutter
70 i bit my nail, now my finger is bleeding. traq
71 battle of the ants rage
72 fun on the phone ideal
73 yabba-dabba do, scooby-dooby do, and many other mysteries.. handle
74 i love you as my own mother sphrog
75 jamesy and the giant slinky jamesy
76 do not fuck with the big and hairy bears murmur
77 horror story oeb
78 dat wh0re s.sheep
79 the ewok rant taraxis
80 the arcade avenger tao
81 the night before 2600 d.cheez
82 journey into the mind of a no-brained counterculturist taraxis
83 a generic y0lk file mogel
84 cultural inclination? m.head
85 australia through the eyes of a spoon spoony
86 the life of a demented sysop spoony
87 little johnny carpenter franman
88 phan male ideal
89 bighurt is back! bighurt
90 the discovery channel sphrog
TT
-infoez------------------------------------------------------------------
if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
like it or not. if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et
cetera.
phoenix 201 is the official eleet telecom section of y0lk.
hooch is the stupendous chief shephard of y0lk.
phorce is the head samurai of y0lk!@ beware!
mindcrime is a crazed oriental looking for revenge.
clarification: mindcrime may actually be a y0lk member. no one knows.
heil creed. HEIL! HEIL!
to get all the rest of the y0lks, ftp to ftp.openix.com /ftp/phorce/y0lk
or... call our world headquarters, erebus, at 201-762-1373. k-rad.
*or*... look for y0lkb0t on irc, efnet. type @y0lk number for y0lks.
OR... ATTENTION y0lkies! join the y0lk mailing list! chat about y0lk
and all them other zines, too! email listserv@magsystems.com with the line
subscribe y0lk in the body of the message.
OR! *new* alt.zines.y0lk! subscribe today! yes, folks, YOU can READ the
NEWSGROUP alt.zines.y0lk! isnt that special? join y0lknet too. thank phorce.
if you have ANY normal internet provider, you can read alt.zines.y0lk!@
dont you feel like youre getting a little too much information here?
couldnt we just show our ftp site and shut up? its just sad that we
have to advertise all our cheap media at the bottom of every textfile
like this. what a bunch of losers we are.