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---y0lk-099.txt-------------------------------------------------------------
s. .sP7s.
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y0lk 99: the badness steps out and takes a solo
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
the y0lk executive intro - phorce
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
welcome to y0lk, issue number 99!@ im your host, phorce.
y0lk, as you might have noticed, has recently celebrated its one-year
anniversary 7/27 AND is nearing its one hundredth issue. both of these
being quite large accomplishments, wed like to celebrate the style y0lk
upheld in those first great 100 issues which im sure youve all read.
see, with the advent of this y0lks new century, we hope to make
everything much more quality here at y0lk. away with the bad writing
weve been charactized by recently. as the new era approaches, the evils
of the previous era must be cleansed before we can continue.
so, since mogel grabbed control of y0lk 100 grrr, y0lk 99 was
chosen to be the final resting place for all this bad stuff ive had sitting
around in my submissions directory for so long. this issue is the last you
will see of badness in y0lk. badness, but in a good sense of the word, that
is. theres a certain dada-ness in all this badness.
who can forget the finesse of big hurts big hurt is ruler of the
earth! do you still remember fuck your tv and eye yam stain? how
about hoochs constant references to doing things to ones anus? all of
these, great classics they were - surely to be remembered and revered in the
future as the greatest works of literature ever written. in the great words
of jesus, that son of god, himself:
the kingdom of heaven is like leaven which a woman took and hid in
three measures of flour, till it was all leavened.
-- matthew 13.33
y0lk is that leaven hidden from most, obscure in the great measures
of flour that try to oppress us, but still winning out over them all, to
expand and become a great, godly thing, almost as great as that big valhalla
in the sky.
yes, dear friends - y0lkliness is next to godliness.
with all that said and done, heres whats planned for you tonight.
weve pulled out all the stops for ya. weve got some choice big hurt
material, some writing by the younger siblings of zinesters, and a surprise
guest or two!@ youll love it, believe me.
now on with the y0lk.
---the official y0lk 99 index!--------------------------------------------
here they are! please dont skip over authors just because i
foolishly decided to put an index in!
whats in the box? big hurt
blah black francis
Big stinky peniS groveR bFs little brother!
im here trapped in my house and have no life big hurt
comic relief creed
a young lad named hat, a sun god, and a big missile phorce
mutter writes for y0lk 100 mutter featuring my sister!
nine inch nails memories typed by big hurt
the garbage can of the apocalypse mercuri
debbie does zines mercuri
the boy who ate coasters mercuri
how stalin got his name mercuri
what i did on my summer vacation mercuri
bad cliches mercuri
what they are thinking right now... mercuri
WHY DO STORIES ALWAYS FEATURE ME?! Nybar joltcolas brother!@
99 baby big hurt
AND.. a very special encore crank, big hurt, tao, tMM
---phear!@------------------------------------------------------------------
im sure you all know big hurt, dont you? back in y0lks infancy,
big hurt came to us, bearing y0lks. heres one of his first attempts!@ one
of the only y0lks ever to be rejected from y0lk!
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
y0lk ishue 40: whats in the box?
.y0lk. this ishue .xXx.
sup every1. this is big hurt, or hurt on irc. if ya dont know me, then you
will soon get to know me. cuz i sorry to tell you this, but im here to stay
so ya betta recongize and start to phear me.
anywayz, i never know what im gonna write about until im almost done, cuz
ya never know what yer gonna get in this zine when i write, so ya have to
keep on reading this.
.y0lk. who is big hurt? .xXx.
well of course ya know that im big hurt by now. anyhow. ive been around
the art scene for awhile now. ive been in many of grOups, such as vor,
cia, fire, etc. and now im in ink and a lit grOup called spin. im also
running my own emag, called blOtch, which is a production of ink.
ive done ascii, ansi, and now ive decided to write. had my own zine
called turb0 until it died and become an emag, blOtch. i was in
thrust, before the merge of thrust and apathy and was never included into
the merge, along with many of other ex-thrust membas.
ive also tried doin music and sum of it hasnt turned out all so bad. who
knows where i will go.
.y0lk. lub it, like it, have it .xXx.
yum. lets all have sum spam. ya can use it in a thousand different ways. it
is so eReet. ya can cook it, nuke it, smell it, grill it and put it on sum
buns and have a spamburger.
what would we do wit out spam. would the world as we know it, no longer go
on, cuz we dont have that delicious and tasty thing called spam.
.y0lk. the world .xXx.
yes, the world would go on. the world doesnt rotate around spam, it rotates
around the great one. which is big hurt, the mentor, the boss, the great.
.y0lk. im elite .xXx.
too think that im writting fer y0lk, the best zine out there. so i must be
the most elite person on the face of this earth. well maybe not the most
elite, i ferget trip of apathy.blah.blah.etc and creed cum before me.
.y0lk. zine run-down .xXx.
zines zines zines! the wonderful world of zines!
arent zines so great.
anyway, i think im gonna do a run down on some zines that ive
picked up on the net and all of the boards. here i go, i
guess.
weve got slinky. which is ran by that funky guy named belial. dont
know how to pronouse it, cuz im kinda dumb, stupid, or whatever ya
wanna call it. i got the very very very first ishue of slinky. it
was kewlio and i give it two thumbs up.
speaking of rad. i betta whiped that dung off my tennis shoes. and
we got sum guy that suggested a name to belial and ended up using
the name fer his own zine. that zine guy would be mercuri. damn!
wish i knew how to say that also.
then we got three guys or sumthang like that, called loOpy, stig,
and mistawho started a zine called dogma. they currently have
two ishues out, at least when i wrote this article they did.
these guys are all kewl and there zine even shows it.
wow there is quite a few zines out there and i havent even covered half
of them. sum arent as elite as y0lk or others out there, but hey ya have
to give them credit.
.y0lk. blOtch .xXx.
here is my blOtch emag plug
like so get yer articles into me at lowen@goodnet.com so that i can put yer
article in the first blOtch ishue.
.y0lk. im the best header ever .xXx.
yes, even my headers talk to each other.
.y0lk. i cant agree with you, cuz im the best header ever .xXx.
they even argue about who is the best header. you dont see that anywhere
else except for y0lk. we bring ya the big smelly cheese every ishue for
yer readin enjoyment.
.y0lk. the big question .xXx.
i bet ya have been waiting this entire ishue reading and reading. wonder how
ya learned how to read. was it hooked-on-phonics?
anywayz, the big question fer this ishue was what in that box? well, i
will tell you the answer right here and now.
it is a y0lk ishue.
.y0lk. greets .xXx.
well here are all of my greetz.
trip, creed, loopy, belial, fk, kk, thoodone, bitstream, erupt, hollow,
ashley, delta astro, woolf, and any that lubs reading these zines.
.y0lk. make it stOp .xXx.
well, ive decided to make all of this stOp for the time being. but ya betta
phear me, cuz i shall return wit anotha ishue sometime very shortly.
hope ya liked this ishue, cuz it was my very first time written a y0lk
ishue, so fergive me if have ruined yer eye site.
---aww.---------------------------------------------------------------------
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
blah - black francis
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
blah blah blah blah blah blah lbnalh alha blah blah bhlab blah BLAH
blabla blah blah balb alb durdurdur blah blah blah blah blah bal al blah h
blah lhal lah.
blah blah lah.
b.
blah blah blahblahblahblah blah blah, blah blah blah blahblah.
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH blah
blahbbbbblah? b b blahbhhhhablah! blah? blah.
BBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.
bagh.
blah blah b l a h h h h.blah. blah - blah - blah - blah.
durdurdur/
blah ballahahahah blah blah BALH! blah. wtf? blah.blah.
BLAH.
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
Big stinky peniS - groveR bFs little brother
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
The sega channel is a totally new fucking hit. why pay the 4 dollar shit for
a game a blockbuster, I personaly think that blockbuster smells like poo
anyhow. Do you eat cows or is it just america dont eat are animal friends
if you do your a fucking asshole, get into the groove homy G eat veggie
burgers. my butt is very pale and stinky and it is coolly yo.Ha Ha HA my
butt rules because I do. Im writing till me bored and now Im bored.
-groveR
---woo!--------------------------------------------------------------------
im here trapped in my house and have no life - big hurt
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
broken machine
ive been so busy in the past couple of weeks. school finally ended. too think
i would have fucked around for about a couple weeks before realizing that i
had no life. but, not this summer.
i have a job. i have baseball. and as soon as school got out, i started my own
little project to stardom. i started a band. sorta of like trent reznor did
nine inch nails. i got sick of my friends. they didnt have any gear to even
get songs going. i didnt need any gear. i had my computer.
so i started right away and started doing songs on my computer. im making a
demo tape as soon as i get a 8-track recording/mixing machine from someone or
somewhere. ive already contacted a few record labels and some are wanting to
hear my stuff. that shows how desperate they are.
my band, broken machine, only has one person right now. that is fine. i like
working by myself. it is how trent reznor started out. he did fine. since he
is a major influence in the music im making, maybe it is best that i do
follow in his footsteps.
dont get me wrong that i didnt have fun the first weekend that school got
out. because i sure did. my mom is starting to let me stay out later and
later every night i want to do something. so she is giving me more freedom
and can trust me.
and here is the big shocker of the day. i have decided to kill yellow journal.
if someone would like to continue it, then do so, otherwise it is offically
dead. i will putting all of my efforts of writing into y0lk from now on. i may
not be writing that much for y0lk either, but i will try from time to time,
since i will be busy all of the time this summer with baseball, work, and
with the broken machine project.
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
comic relief - creed
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
HEY, EVERYBODY!!!!
WHAT DID THE GHOST SAY TO THE BEE?!@?!@?!@?!@?
BOO, BEE!!@!@!@!@
HAHAHAHAH!@!@!@ HhahahahAHAahAHAhaH!@!@!@!@!@@!!@ I AM SO
FUNNY!@!@!@!@
HAHAHAHAHAHAhafhahahahahashfhi23ph413k4jqwekfm2!@12
@@@!!@**!@*!@*!@*!@
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH!@@!!@!@!@!@
FUNYNEHEWAHAHHEHEAHEAHAHAHAH12!@!@!@!@@!
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAF@!@!*!@*!@ HAHAHASHA
AHAHAAAHAHAHAWH!@!!@@!!@
HAHAHAHAHAS@!@!@
AH!@! AHH!@ ahhh. ok.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHR@*U!!@!@!@*!@* ok.
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
a young lad named hat, a sun god, and a big missile - phorce
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
young hat opened his bedroom window and reveled in the sunshine. all
was good. the sun upon his eyes told hat that today was, as usual, another
day the sun, like him, had decided to get up and make the lives of everyone
he/it would meet a little brighter.
the sun has decided to rise today? this is good, hat remarked to
himself.
hat felt that great morning feeling that he always had around this
time. beaming again, much like the sun, hat quickly bathed and dressed.
he pranced down the stairs, singing a song to himself and feeling content in
the knowledge that, in a dozen hours or so, the sun would be replaced with
pale moonlight.
this seems a normal assumption for most people the regular cycle of
day to night is more or less a given. thus, it was not strange that hat would
guess the sun would set and give way to the moon that night.
unfortunately, hat was wrong.
ra, the sun god, was mad, and wasnt about to go to sleep angry.
WHY HAVE YOU NOT PRAISED ME? it screamed in rage. HAVE I NOT
SHINED BRIGHT FOR YOU, THROUGH THE AGES? WAS I NOT THE ONE WHO BIRTHED YOU?
AM I NOT THE REASON FOR YOUR EXISTENCE?
after hearing ra speak out so loudly which was very surprising for
most, humankind felt a little guilty and embarassed for not really getting
into the spirit of praising ra for the last few thousand years or so.
HAS HUMANKIND FORGOTTON ABOUT ME, RA, THE CREATOR OF LIFE? I BROUGHT
YOU, FOOLISH MORTALS, OUT OF THE OOZE! BOW TO ME BEFORE I SEND YOU BACK TO
THE SAME OOZE FROM WHICH YOU CAME!
unfortunately for this deity, this ra character was quite obviously
a threat to national and global security. special covert strike teams were
quickly assembled as ras demands became greater and louder. the intensity
of ras annoyance at humanity had become so great that cases of instant skin
cancer on very clear and sunny days had been reported. the pentagon finally
agreed on a plan.
their plan was as follows:
fire a large missile at the sun.
hat, looking outside his tinted bedroom window into the permanent
sunshine, could see the large missile silo opening from his bedroom window.
he also could also see the gargantuan missile inside, ready to be fired.
thats one big missile, hat remarked to himself.
hat watched as the missile took off, into the sky.
ra, too, watched the missile lift off towards him. ra was, as most
would be if a large missile was rapidly approaching ones self, annoyed.
ra decided to destroy the foul, ungrateful humans living on the world
it had shined so brightly on. with one mighty swoop, earth was gone.
and the last words young hat heard before he was blasted ironically
into ash by the same rays that had previously given him life were:
EXISTENCE IS FUTILE.
---yawn---------------------------------------------------------------------
woopers! ummm. well, on with more of this...
IF YOUVE ALREADY LOST INTEREST, JUST BEAR WITH US. WE LOVE YOU. I, PHORCE,
WILL PERSONALLY GIVE YOU LOVIN FOR READING THROUGH THIS ENTIRELY.
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
mutter writes for y0lk 100 - mutter featuring my sister!
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
Okay Im a bit upset understandably so, as Im sure youll agree. I
didnt get too many entrys to that spontaneous contest I made in the last
issue I wrote read it over to refresh your memory. The fact of the matter
is: I got NO entrys. Thats right. Zero. YOU COULDNT EVEN PUT IN ONE FUCKIN
ENTRY TO MAKE ME FEEL GOOD, HUH?!! Okay, you wanna play like that ... Ill
play like that, fuckball. I will personally hunt down and kill each and every
y0lk reader yes, all three of you. Then, I will kill your families, friends,
neighbors, pets. Oh, you bastards, you say Go on! Kill me. If I had friends
and family I wouldnt be reading y0lk! You think youre trickey, dontcha?
Well see who has the last laugh!@ Ha!@ I will now only answer to the name
Mutter, the y0lk-reader hunter!
umm... Gee, I never thought itd be so hard to think of a transition
between subjects ...
So, anywaze, one late night I saw phorce on IRC only it wasnt phorce
... oooo-weeee-oooo and I thought well, gee, this is weird. Phorces account
is logged in but hes in IRC with the name Istigkeit. It took me a while to
figure out that this was in fact his sister who used to go by the handle
moonbeam. So here, an exclusive interview with phorces sister well,
kinda!
--------------------Begin IRC convo!!------------------------------------------
ed. note: these are all private messages.
mutter istigkeit?
Istigkeit yes, do i know you?
mutter Id hope so :
mutter oh, wait, you must be cathy.
Istigkeit YES!! Who are you?
mutter Im here to stalk you. Thats what I do Im a stalker.
Istigkeit WHO ARE YOU
mutter mmooooooonbeeeeeeaaaaam
Istigkeit TELL ME WHO YOU FUCKING ARE!
mutter woah, watch that language, how old are you, 13?
Istigkeit 14, now tell me how you know me
mutter I know everything about you. Our whole lives are on the computer,
ya know?
mutter Have you ever seen The Net?
mutter ya know, the movie with sandra bullock... anyways, its not important
Istigkeit yes i saw it! tell me seriously who you are!
mutter our whole lives are on the computer, ya know?
Istigkeit shut up, i know shit about this computer. my life is not in any
way on it.
mutter Im watching you RIGHT NOW!@!@ Dont sit so close to the monitor!!
heheh
Istigkeit shut up. PLEASE! who are you!!!!!!!!
mutter okay...i gotta get going...cya later. nice to meet me!:
Istigkeit no you are not leaving NOW WHO THE HELL ARE YOU????? please, i
just want to know if i know you or not. Please? :
Raven Quit stalking my woman
mutter you got it, man
*** Signoff: mutter blah
-----------------------end convo!---------------------------------------------
Obviously, she has a little romance going on with Raven, thus the
reference to her as my woman. I laughed out loud when I got that one.
Stay tuned for further developements in the Istigkeit + Raven
situation! w00, gossip. err.
Anywaze...
---it ended there.----------------------------------------------------------
wow. my sister has quite a mouth, it seems.
if you see her, dont be a stranger if you see Istigkeit phorce@openix.com
on irc.
shell hate me for that. heh.
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
nine inch nails memories - typed by big hurt
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
This is taken from an interview in Keyboard magazine.
Keyboard Magazine: Care to expand on any of those hellish gig experiences?
Trent Reznor: Opening day, Lollapalooza, Phoenix. We couldnt play because
one of the power boxes had melted, and every time the low end of the P.A.
would rumble, it would jiggle the cord and all power onstage would just shut
off and turn back on. If you have a sampler, that means youre down for a
minute. And if you have tape deck, ahem, that means it stops. But, I think
because we were an electric band, everyone was just waiting for us to fuck
up onstage. So this started happening and: Hello, does anybody know whats
going on? A voice from backstage: No, but I think itw working now. Turn
to crowd: Okay, hey, we suck, so heres the next song. And ten seconds
into it, every time he hit the kick drum, there it went. Turn back around:
This is the biggest show weve ever played, does anyone know what the fuck
is wrong? Voice from backstage: We think we have it! Turn to the crowd:
Okay, one more time, and ...
Keyboard Magazine: So what did you do?
Trent Reznor: We smashed all the gear, and ran to the bus.
Readers Note:
Anyways, that hellish incident took place in Phoenix, Arizona. Arizona is
the stat that I live in, just in case you didnt know. And if you dont give
a fuck, then you shouldnt have read my readers note.
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
the garbage can of the apocalypse - mercuri
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
slowly did the bucket move, step by step, inch by inch. it was a long and
grueling process, but he was determined to take over crown point high
school if it was the last thing he did.
*ring*
the lunch bell went off.
oh shit thought the bucket
the kids poured out of the front doors of the school and they kicked the
bucket, resetting his progress.
great. itll take me two more days before i get that far again.
nope... dead end story, lemme try something else.
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
debbie does zines - mercuri
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
i want your warez.... IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! *WINK*
uh, nope.
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
the boy who ate coasters - mercuri
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
MOM! CAN I HAVE MORE COASTERS?
no.
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
how stalin got his name - mercuri
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
translated into english by vladimir checnykofpz
awe, hes sooo cute!
what should we name him my little bubushka?
how about... STALIN?
its done! let us dance, my dear!
*insert jig*
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
what i did on my summer vacation - mercuri
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
next!
billy: ...then we drove, and drove some more, and then we drove
mercuri: and after i went to the eifel tower, i ran all the way to china and
had dinner with famous celebrities!
anything else, mercuri?
mercuri: yeah, but the rest is kind of hard to beleive.
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
bad cliches - mercuri
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
funner than hell
cool as hell
cool as shit
i could care less
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
what they are thinking right now... - mercuri
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
boris yeltsin: stupid americans
muslim leaders: stupid americans
english prime minister: stupid americans
germany: stupid americans
iceland: stupid americans
canada: stupid americans
australia: stupid americans
---w0o! mercuri!---------------------------------------------------------
mercuri is my hero. sigh.
you still with us? good.
now, in keeping with the younger-siblings-of-zinesters tradition:
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
WHY DO STORIES ALWAYS FEATURE ME?! - Nybar joltcolas brother!@
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
WHY DO STORIES ALWAYS FEATURE M.. AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! IM IN ON RIGHT
NOW!!!!!! START FREASH YOU IDIOT! NOT AT HOME!!!!
We have a web page, a vmb, and a book.. featuring poupey stories
THE STORY SO FAR!!
Nybar crisscrosses the globe performing his stick juggling act.
He can do it verrrrrryyyyyyy well. But sometimes he comes to a
hick state. This is the story of Nybars visit to one of those
Redneck States.
After performing my amazing stick-juggling act.. I went
to shake hands with the audience. There was this one crazy,
Bell-bottom redneck, who came up to me and said.. HOW DO YOU
DO IT?!? HOW DO YOU DO IT?!?! HOW MAKE STICKS FLY?!!??! then,
I decided to do my snake dancing act, sing a light song, and
hit him with a big stick as the conclusion. So I started dancing
. Magggggiiiiiiiiicccccccc duh duh duh dahh the magiccc.. to
make sticks perforrrmm.. SHUT THE HELL UP AND TELL ME! REDNECK
, BEER SWILLIN BASTAGE! CHICKEN HERDIN WONDER!!!! OK!! TAKE THIS!
he takes out a rusty shovel and hits me with it.. mortally
wounding me Should... havee.... shot yer ass.... the second I saw
you... redneck steps out of the shadows MERCURI!! I die.. this
story now features Mercuri.
MY long dist REVENGE ON MERCURI!
mercuris perspective
It had been a hard day at the farm. My little cow bessy
Had been giving skim milk, and pork and beans was getting
More and more tasteless. After a couple years of wondering
what was wrong with me.. somone told me YOU IDIOT! YOU ARE
OBVIOUSLY DEPRESSED!! WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM. it was
my duck. I obviously WAS crazy, so I moved to the big city.
I got a job as a lecturer.. mainly thing like IF MY GRAN-PAPA
WAS ALIVE.. HED BE DISGUSTED AT THE FILTH IN MODERN ZINES! TAKE
THE PADDLE TO ALL OF YOU HE WOULD!!! HICKKKKKKK Then I noticed
something strange about someone I met on the street. HE LOOKED
EXZACTLY THE SAME AS SOME GUY I HAD KILLED A YEAR AGO. He was waring
an arm band that said K.ill S.tupid R.ednecks.. KSR, so THAT WAS
what the KSR was. At the time, I didnt know that the guy was
forming a red neck elimination force. Nope.. I am pretty damn
stupid in things like that. So I decided to send in a membership
card. A few weeks later, there was some knocking at the door,
and a very farmiliar voice said Hey.. youre in the club!
So I opened the door. The second I did I was shot.
IS THIS THE END? yes
---yeeks!@------------------------------------------------------------------
okay! youve reached.. the FINAL THRESHOLD!! just ONE more article and
its ALL OVER!
of course, ive added a small encore performance by crank, kaynine, tMM, and
big hurt at the end if you want to read it. its pretty durn funny, but its
very very long. read if you dare.
cmon! read the encore piece! youll LOVE it, believe me! laugh out
loud at those crazy zines people!!
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
issue number 99 y0lk july 30th, 1996
99 baby
well we are one issue away from 100. what makes it so special is i get to do
the very last two digit issue of y0lk ever. big deal.
kojak doesnt like what he sees in y0lk
actually kojaks writings in the previous issue 98 if youre dumb i thought
were very helpful to y0lk. though i never correct my own mistakes, im going
to try to start to do that. one reason is that i makes my writings a lower
standard than they should be if i went back and took the time to see what is
wrong with an article.
but, as a 17-year-old-teen i dont have that much time. im either playing
baseball, working as an umpire, working on my music, or in my free time, which
i dont have much of these days, trying to spend time with friends that ive
hardly ever seen since the last week of school.
teenage life
a teenage life can be hard. everyone will go through it. youve got so many
things you have to do. then you have the things that you want to do. then you
have your parents bugging you.
i live with my mom. though i dont see her that much, since she works days and
i play baseball at nights and work at night, when i do see her i do get upset
of something she says. why?
because she tries to keep me her little kid. i get sick of it and ignore her
or yell back at her. why?
ill tell you why i *yell* back at her. because she simply gets on my nerves.
lots of things get on my nerves. like how people treat each other. either it
be on the internet or in *real* life. i hate how people treat other people. i
mean, i try not to shit on people because i know shit will always fly back in
my face.
for 17-year-old-male-teen im probably more sensitive, kind and caring than
the next 17-year-old-male-teen. why is this? it probably is the way that my
parents raised me. it is probably the way i see the world and think about other
people.
guys think it is wrong to be sensitive. actually, it is fine. that is one
reason i write poetry and songs. it is good to write peotry. it gets ride of
the stress and makes you feel better, if you write about something that was
bothering you at the moment.
ive written poetry and songs about almost anything: sex, anger, suicide,
murder, hate, love, happiness. but i mostly write about the bad things. the
reason for that is that it lets me get the anger out about those things and
not hurt anyone that made me mad. and i try to live the happy moments.
though i like to think of myself as a happy person, i do have the depressed
moments in my life. but, i would sure like to be surrounded by a bunch of good
friends.
buh-bye
well, im done with this issue. get ready for the 100th issue.
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
big hurt said it best. peace, brother.
psst! and dont forget to read the ENCORE PIECE at the end of the y0lk!@
---index--------------------------------------------------------------------
.db.
title author
01 the other white meat creed
02 several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin creed
03 nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars. creed
04 a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin creed
05 household uses for afghanistanian food creed
06 pour cement down my anus hooch
07 hail santa! creed
08 hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties? hooch
09 lunchables rock. creed
10 t-shirts and toejam bedlam
11 nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview hooch
12 movie reviews showgirls!@ - win95 vs. os/2 sorta hooch
13 straight outta compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@ hooch
14 im a tall, goofy, dorky, chink phorce
15 bedazzled by the eliteness creed
16 how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina creed
17 i am a warez pup - who are you? hooch
18 lemmings phorce
19 the science of astrology belial
20 the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene cd/h0
21 dUcK 54uc3?!!? phorce
22 top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself creed
23 citrus fruits for sale phorce
24 group masturbation belial
25 ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs creed
26 catering for the warez eleet phorce
27 brief mental pause belial
28 the army day camp belial
29 the geek theory, hickies, and another long day creed
30 nets, zines, and that chick from wings hooch
31 mentos! the freedom giver! mercuri
32 ramblings of a poseur bedlam
33 sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan creed
34 fuck you - a note to all yall on zines hooch
35 apples, oranges, and pears phorce
36 the little cultist that couldnt creed
37 careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate creed
38 snowday phorce
39 creed is g0d creed
40 big hurt is ruler of the earth bighurt
41 dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue bighurt
42 bbs softwares/internet hooch
43 abandon thy gods! from yonder cometh y0lk! creed
44 mogels own very special personalized 1 y0lk issue phorce
45 your burro is no jackass! creed
46 rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars creed
47 outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers creed
48 Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off creed
49 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life creed
50 the best of the worst creed
51 the prince of darkness versus some guy named dave trip
52 ode to my feet creed
53 hopelessly lost poots
54 the schoolhouse r0x! phorce
55 campbells chicken-noodle soup omen of death creed
56 dead cats juke
57 my inner taco handle
58 my place, or yours? mercuri
59 how to really use that spiffy monopoly money lumpy
60 struggle wif the giant pink elephant lucifer
61 why did the chicken cross the road? insane
62 y0lk test pattern mutter
63 ELiTE LiT from the master himself creed
64 creeds k-rad lit archives, volume two creed
65 UNSOPHISTICATED FASCIST BASTARDS. YOU DONT UNDERSTAND ME. creed
66 how y0lk saved my life sorta creed
67 shiny nickles, no more TP, and shitty knuckles ideal
68 some puppet plays phorce
69 ... Hello operator ... mutter
70 i bit my nail, now my finger is bleeding. traq
71 battle of the ants rage
72 fun on the phone ideal
73 yabba-dabba do, scooby-dooby do, and many other mysteries.. handle
74 i love you as my own mother sphrog
75 jamesy and the giant slinky jamesy
76 do not fuck with the big and hairy bears murmur
77 horror story oeb
78 dat wh0re s.sheep
79 the ewok rant taraxis
80 the arcade avenger tao
81 the night before 2600 d.cheez
82 journey into the mind of a no-brained counterculturist taraxis
83 a generic y0lk file mogel
84 cultural inclination? m.head
85 australia through the eyes of a spoon spoony
86 the life of a demented sysop spoony
87 little johnny carpenter franman
88 phan male ideal
89 bighurt is back! bighurt
90 the discovery channel sphrog
91 fruitopia caps!@ bighurt
92 the story of carla trip
93 a joltcola y0lk joltcola
94 spinsanes story spinsane
95 fish pillows, mothers, and limericks sphrog
96 cOsmic revelations, fever induced flashbacks, and pedOph... spinsane
97 stinky cheese and the seven messy petes joltcola
98 what ive seen of y0lk really sucks kojak
99 the badness steps out and takes a solo various
TT
---infoez-------------------------------------------------------------------
if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
like it or not. if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et
cetera.
phorce is the head samurai of y0lk!@ beware!
hooch is the stupendous chief shephard of y0lk.
mindcrime is a crazed oriental looking for revenge.
clarification: mindcrime may actually be a y0lk member. no one knows.
heil creed. HEIL! HEIL!
to get all the rest of the y0lks, ftp://ftp.openix.com/ftp/phorce/y0lk
or... call our world headquarters, erebus, at 201-762-1373. k-rad.
*or*... look for y0lkb0t on irc, efnet. type @y0lk number for y0lks.
OR... ATTENTION y0lkies! join the y0lk mailing list! chat about y0lk
and all them other zines, too! email listserv@magsystems.com with the line
subscribe y0lk in the body of the message.
OR! *new* alt.zines.y0lk! subscribe today! yes, folks, YOU can READ the
NEWSGROUP alt.zines.y0lk! isnt that special? join y0lknet too. thank phorce.
if you have ANY normal internet provider, you can read alt.zines.y0lk!@
OR OR OR!@ the *official* y0lk html is at http://www.openix.com/phorce/y0lk
OR! coming soon! micro pirate radio! a y0lk hour-of-fun ON THE AIR!
sorry, available only for those in the northern new jersey area.
dont you feel like youre getting a little too much information here?
couldnt we just show our ftp site and shut up? its just sad that we
have to advertise all our cheap media at the bottom of every textfile
like this. what a bunch of losers we are.
---encore y0lk!!----------------------------------------------------------
attention, peoples!! here it is:
the official y0lk 99 encore performance!!
... a lovely piece featuring crank, kaynine, tMM, and big hurt, with Gaurdian
and Vanir as supporting roles. read and love through all 600 lines.
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
a log and a rebuttal - big hurt
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
a special log from some guys in zines that try to make me look queer.
ed. note: queer?! they never mentioned big hurt being gay!!!
the log
hurt crank hmm. i was hoping you would come to like arizona and hang
out with me and we could get drunk.
tMM bahahahaha
crank hey, yeah! thats a pretty good idea, hurt!
tMM hey! hurt, wanna go smoke crack with me?!
hurt tmm umm, no. i dont do those drugs.
crank do you do any drugs, hurt?
hurt crank no.
crank hurt: why not?
tMM hurt: why not?
crank just curious.
hurt tmm crank because i play baseball year round and i dont need
drugs fucking up my career.
tMM career?
crank hurt: dont you consider alcohol to be a drug?
tMM erf.. brb
* tMM is i d l e
hurt crank yeah, but i dont hardly even drink. not for a long time.
crank I dont do any drugs, big hurt. I would never get drunk with you.
crank I would never get drunk with anyone.
hurt tmm yeah. i have a good chance at making it pro pitching some day.
possibly with the arizona diamondbacks in 1998.
crank I would never get drunk alone.
*** crank changes topic to big hurt the male girlie17.
kaynine baha
kaynine whoaoa
hurt crank yeah, change that topic. i dont like it.
* crank whistles innocently.
crank hurt: and what if I say N0!@?!?
hurt crank then, im gonna write about it in my diary. so there.
crank hurt: awesome!
crank greet me!
crank say crank is my friend!
crank say she told me so!@
crank and then you will be cool and accepted.
hurt crank not yj, my diary. but, i will like greet you in yj.
crank ok!
kaynine yeah. remember to say kaynine threatened me physically.
crank big hurt, tell me your real name.
hurt kaynine okay. here is what it will say for you: hi kaynine.
she threatened to fondle me. so i had to. oops. wrong saying.
crank dood?
kaynine uh.
kaynine i think you didnt hear me, batboy.
kaynine you push with crank, and youre pushing me.
hurt crank i cant. i work for the govt. and in my govt rule book
im not allowed to reveal myself or real name. but we will call me
hurt for now.
crank is your real name LEO?
hurt crank no. it is john.
hurt crank it says it in the very first issue of yj.
crank hi, john!
crank watch this.
kaynine john.
kaynine hmm.
crank kaynine im 19, 66, 330lbs, extremely protective, and if you ever
crank think about even saying something that dumb again, ill
crank mangle you into A FUCKING CHEEZ DOODLE.
crank remember it!
hurt what are your names?
tMM my name is habib
crank Im steve.
hurt hi habib.
kaynine ill cause you pain of an unspeakable kind.
hurt kaynine i believe you.
tMM whats up?
hurt crank i thought you said you were a women.
kaynine my name is rj.
crank I am. the name steve is non-gender specific.
kaynine youll know me by my portable stormcloud.
tMM pahaha
hurt crank i guess it could be. but ive never heard of a female
with the name steve. woa. that is cool anyhow.
tMM stevie nicks?
crank yeah. really.
crank and I like to chew tobaccey.
tMM sheesh
tMM oh yeah
tMM hurt: do you chew on the field?
hurt tobacco is bad for you.
tMM so is alcohol
tMM so is baseball
tMM so is the computer.
hurt tmm nope. cant. and if i could, i wouldnt.
crank thats why I dont chew or smoke it!
tMM i dont drink, i dont smoke, and i dont toke. im the cleanest
man alivee!
tMM alive!
kaynine remember. rj. remember that name.
hurt okay.
tMM rj serial killah!
crank hurt, I have a confession.
*** mercuri jwapienn@earth12.ts.pla-net.net has joined zines
*** y0lkb0t sets mode: +o mercuri
y0lkb0t mercuri http://www.pla-net.net/jwapienn/merc/
crank I lied to you.
crank my names not steve. its johann.
mercuri hi
crank can you ever forgive me?
kaynine and im peewee.
tMM my name is jonas
kaynine we travel the forest in search of smurfs
hurt crank no. fuck you. you lied to me. im gonna go crazy.
tMM you arent already?
kaynine oh yeah?
crank uh, pardon me. did you just swear at me?
crank hm?
crank eh?
kaynine oh yeah motherfucker?!
tMM hey rj!
crank hey, rj! he swore at me!
tMM GET HIM!
kaynine AWW YEAH
hurt crank umm, no. i didnt. that was the bad side of mr hurt.
kaynine ITS ON NOW BITCH
mercuri uh
tMM come on bitz
crank hurt: apologize and Ill call him off.
tMM ill beat you into a big hurt
hurt crank im so sorry. will you every fogive me.
crank hah.
*** mercuri jwapienn@earth12.ts.pla-net.net has left zines
crank awesome.
tMM hey, rj!
kaynine tmm, im stopping by your house on the way back.
crank hurt: I dont sense enough sincerity!
tMM rad!
tMM well drink his beer!
tMM doh
kaynine lish.. the long knife, or the two short ones?
crank rj: the two short ones. try not to cut too deeply.
kaynine ok.
tMM brb
* tMM is gone - pizza
hurt crank if you dont believe me, then im taking your greet out of yj4.
crank hurt: DONT THREATEN ME, PONQ.
crank ILL HAVE YOU BEATEN INTO A WRITHING, BLOODY OOZE.
hurt oh yeah crank.
*** hurt lowen@goodnet.com has left zines
crank hahaha
kaynine hahahaha
*** hurt lowen@goodnet.com has joined zines
hurt ahahahaha. that showed you.
crank OKAY, HURT
crank I FORGIVE YOU
crank IM SORYR
crank YOU SHOWED ME
kaynine mm. i cant find that clip.
crank I AM HUMBLED
crank i am humbled.
kaynine where the fuck is my other clip?! shit..
hurt crank good. lets be friends. okay.
crank ok!
crank hey, everyone!
crank Im friends with big hurt!
*** crank changes topic to hurt crank good. lets be friends. okay.
kaynine yeah, i have some friends for big hurt.
crank are they sharp friends, rj?
crank will they smart?
hurt kaynine what are you going to do with the clip. shoot me.
crank ha ha!
kaynine yep.
hurt gulp
kaynine hahahaha
kaynine he thinks im kidding!
kaynine hahahaha
kaynine or, at least, ill shoot at you.
kaynine im not a good shot.
hurt hurt runs around in circles looking for a place to hide. trying
to dodge the bullets from kaynines massive gun.
kaynine oh yeah. this is gonna be fun.
kaynine lish, i should be back in a couple of days.
kaynine please tell kim, and ill just hope to talk to her when i get back.
kaynine i hope the car starts.
kaynine bye
---later...-----------------------------------------------------------------
*** jobu has joined zines
*** y0lkb0t sets mode: +o jobu
y0lkb0t jobu w00f
crank hey aaron.
hurt tmm i ... i ... i didnt mean too ... i just couldnt resist crank.
sniff, sniff
jobu crank what the fuck is up with rj??
crank jobu: big hurt here pissed him off.
jobu he jsut came in here and was screaming and i couldnt get him to stop
hurt crank i guess i did. i was just playing around with you crank.
jobu holy fuck hes mad
crank you took it way too far with rj, hurt.
tMM dude
tMM big men that are mad scare me.
crank jobu: can you calm him down? I dunno if he found the clips, but he
was sure looking for them.
jobu aww SHIT.!? he took the clips!
crank I dont know.
crank he found one.
tMM dude
hurt crank sorry. didnt mean too.
jobu fuck he took the bat too.
tMM rj is fucken crazy
jobu oh wlel..
jobu who is the lucky fuck?
crank I dont know why you keep that shit around, aaron. you know how rj is.
crank jobu: hurt.
jobu HEY.. HE BUYS IT
jobu ahh.
hurt jobu can you tell me what rj looks like?
Gaurdian Uh.
crank huge.
crank scary.
jobu hes like 6 5 and 300 or so.
jobu hes got brown hair, but i saw some dye in the bathroom.. lemme go check
hurt jobu can you send me a photo of him.
* jobu is away loking for the dye
jobu ok.. hes going to be big and have really black hair
jobu holy shit. he took the razors. hes going to be cuting himself on the
way. haha your fucked.
jobu good luck
jobu hes gonna be bleeding on the arms and face
hurt jobu well, just tell send me a photo.
hurt jobu what is his full name?
jobu fuck. you think hed want me to do that? im not as stupid as you are
crank hurt: how many fucking huge guys are after you that you cant identify
this one?
*** tMM has quit IRC Ping timeout
jobu i dont want him kickin my ass dumbshit
jobu his name is rj, but hell be going by aaron largent prolly
jobu he has some id for it.
hurt crank well, i will find out where he lives. then i will send out my
hitman to get him. i seriosly have a friend that knows hitman. and if
he is really come to get me, then he will be elimated as they say.
jobu hahahaha
jobu hahahahah
crank elimated?
crank ELIMATED?
crank YOURE GOING TO ELIMATE HIM?
jobu hurt, hes already gone.
crank OH GOD!@!
hurt crank yeah. i said elimated. that is what they call it. you fuck with
big hurt, you get fucked.
*** tMM jlantz@netcom8.netcom.com has joined zines
*** y0lkb0t sets mode: +o tMM
*** crank changes topic to hurt and if he is really come to get me, then
he will be elimated.
Gaurdian Ive always wanted to kill someone I didnt know.
Gaurdian Sort of a fantasy.
jobu hahaha
jobu kid you got big problems
Gaurdian If you have no MOTIVE, its tough to convict, ya know?
jobu 320 POUNDS of problems
hurt jobu no i dont got big problems, since you are the one that is kaynine
or whatever.
Gaurdian Would anyone REALLY believe that a nice guy like me would break
into someones house, not steal anything, and kill someone in cold
blood for no reason?
Gaurdian Of course not.
*** Vanir god@peo24.mtco.com has joined zines
jobu not. haha
jobu this is my account.
jobu hahahaha
Vanir ello
crank hey matt
jobu you think a big guy like rj is going to have the mind to buy an account
on his own?
jobu duh.
hurt jobu i believe you. but you logged off and changed handles.
jobu hes big. not smart.
jobu duh. we use the same local system.
jobu its the same fucking account.
tMM they go to the same school dumbass.
jobu hahahaha
hurt jobu anyways if rj just left, then my hitmen would be able to track
him down after i connect to the system and find out where he lives.
crank is that so?
hurt crank yeah it is. but, i believe this conversation has gone to far.
tMM hitman?
jobu hahaha
jobu youre assuming that you can find him.
jobu which yuou CANT!!@!
hurt jobu i cant find him, but my friends hitmen can.
jobu sure they can
tMM is this mafia or just some gang-bang shit?
tMM are you a whigger, hurt?
jobu hahahaha
hurt tmm this is mafia. it is a family thing.
tMM hurt: what family?
crank hurt: youre in the MAFIA?!
tMM hurt: my grandfather knows a lot of mafia stuff.. im italian myself.
crank hurt: the mafia ! twelve year olds with bb guns.
hurt crank im part of it. the italian mafia.
crank oyeah?
crank do you own the par-a-dice casino in east peoria by any chance?
tMM hurt: what family?
tMM hurt: what family?
tMM hurt: what family?
tMM hurt: what family?
jobu boy. im glad he left. i get all his chinese food. umm. :
crank hurt: just wondering!
hurt crank buddy ol pal, that was a stupid question to ask.
tMM buddy ol pal? when did daffy duck get on?
jobu crank, what did dumbass there say?
crank I asked if he owned the par-a-dice casinos.
jobu no no no
crank no?
jobu what did he say to make rj all mad an shit?
crank oh! heh.
tMM he was insulting crank
tMM like
crank more shit about me and getting drunk with him. you know how damned
protective he is of me.
tMM the one thing that rj will go ballistic about
tMM hey hurt
jobu holy shit. good job dumbass
Vanir jesus. you remember what happened the last time.... is he still on
probation?
crank I dont think so ..
jobu dont you know about crank being his sis and all?
crank I wonder how the other guy is doing with his wheelchair.
jobu maybe he can loan it to you
tMM you still havent answered me
tMM WHAT FAMILY ARE YOU A PART OF?!
Vanir he still walks with a limp. I saw him on the quad the other day at
isu and he tried to avoid me.
crank heh. well, at least hes recovered that far.
Gaurdian You know whatd be cool? A mailbomb! You could sign the card
The REAL Unibomber and maybe get Kacyznski off the hook.
jobu CRANK IS HIS SISTER DUMBASS. YOU STILL THINK YOURE FUCKING SAFE HAHAHA
tMM why is hurt not talking?
crank too busy cleaning up his accident.
crank seriously. our family is so tight. heh, apparently, if hes willing to
dismember for me.
tMM dood
jobu no shit
jobu he said that he was gonna fuck whoever this shithead is up good..
tMM *** CTCP PING reply from hurt: 58 seconds
jobu i hope he fuckin bought pizza before he left
* jobu is away lookin for dinner
hurt tmm yeah. what. i was taking a piss. and it is the silician mafia.
does that answer your question?
tMM silician?
tMM is that supposed to be sicillian?
tMM like
tMM silicon mafia?
tMM hahaha
*** crank changes topic to hurt and it is the silician mafia.
hurt tmm oops my bad. sicilian.
tMM YOU CANT EVEN SPELL YOUR OWN FAMILIES NAME?!
tMM you are either :
tMM 1. stupid
tMM 2. lying
tMM i vote fo the latter
crank jobu: is rj still on all those weird psychoactive drugs?
jobu no. he ran out. the doc said he shouldnt be out in public, but he
just woudlnt listen
Vanir only relafin. the others they took him off when he started seeing
things.
crank oh, ok. well, thats something in hurts favor.
jobu not really
jobu hes still on roids
jobu the valium only slowed him down
tMM hurt: yeah right
tMM first of all
tMM THERE IS NO SICILIAN MAFIA
tMM there is no unified sicilian mafia
tMM its broken up
tMM into a bunch of different famies
hurt tmm dont tell me what to do. just dont.
Gaurdian Hahaha... silicon mafia. Thats kinda cool, actually.
tMM hurt: what did i tell you waht to do?
tMM I TOLD YOU THAT YOU WERE WRONG
tMM NOT WHAT TO DO
hurt tmm fuck you. yes, there is. how would you even know. tell me that.
its not like we go around all that time saying, yep, im part of the
sicilian mafia.
tMM hurt: you are doing exactly that.
jobu crank! did you hear me!@? he STILL ON STEROIDS.
jobu fuck.
jobu never mind
crank yeesh.
jobu im gettin my pizza now
crank well.
tMM and i know because i am italian and my grandfather has a lot of friends
from chicago and cincinnati
tMM i lived in cincinnati for five years.
crank I hope you have time to get anohter yellow journal out, hurt.
crank before you lose the use of your body.
tMM sheesh hurt
hurt tmm im not doing that. you asked me what family im in and i answered
the fucking question.
tMM no
tMM there is no sicilian family
tMM thats a fucking country
tMM not a family
tMM duh
hurt tmm have you ever lived in new york. no. i was born and raised there.
that is where we came into the country. where it orginated.
* Gaurdian is laughing at the dead man walking
tMM hurt: wow.. my grandfather immigrated from ITALY
tMM and what does being born in new york do for you?
tMM give you lung cancer from all the pollution
crank gives you an accent.
hurt tmm like so did my grandfather and my dad was born there.
hurt tmm do you know anything about the italian mafia.
tMM I JUST TOLD YOU
tMM my grandfather has friends.
jobu HOLY FUCKIN SHIT HE TOOK THE HAMMER. HAHAHA
tMM when he immigrated over he lived in the upper peninsula of michigan
tMM then moved down to chicago right before the war.
jobu at least that big dumshit bought food b4 he went nnuts
tMM dude
tMM hurt, your attempt to intimidate me really doesnt work
hurt tmm most of the big italia mafia makes there home in new york, but
there is other famalies throughout the country.
tMM dont tell me what to do, just dont
tMM yeah
tMM i know that.
tMM and there is no sicilian family
tMM a bunch of families might constitute a mafia from sicily
hurt tmm how do you know? how did you find out about that?
tMM but there is no one unified mafia
tMM I JUST TOLD YOU
tMM my grandfather has friends.
tMM i am not in it.
jobu um. does anyone know if rj said anything about kansas? he was supposed
to pick up some fireworks and other shit
tMM he once was.
tMM he told me a lot of stuff
tMM because i asked.
hurt tmm did you just ask your grandfathers friends.
tMM no
tMM i asked my grandfather.
hurt is he there right now.
jobu hey crank!
crank yeah?
jobu did he say anything about kansas?
Gaurdian So, uh.
Gaurdian Anyway.
Gaurdian What good is being in the mafia supposed to do you, anyway?
tMM with me?
tMM nope
tMM he still lives in cincinnati
tMM i dont live there anymore.
crank oh, uh, he said hurt was on the way, so I assume hes heading
elsewhere, but he didnt specify.
tMM hes going to have hitmen get rj
jobu ok. cool shit
hurt then how can you ask him the question of is there family by that name.
you cant. so dont go jumping the gun.
crank but you may have to, hurt! ha ha!
tMM uhm
tMM i didnt jump a gun
tMM i used to talk to him about families
tMM and it just so happens that
tMM in THE GODFATHER
tMM there was a family called the corleone family that some people called
the SICILIAN mafia
tMM i asked him if that was true
tMM he said there is no unity in the mafia
tMM just a bunch of families looking out for themselves
hurt tmm cool it. it is a expression.
tMM hurt: what is an expression
Vanir he just doesnt understand. when rj goes, its not just a fit of rage.
jobu hey! remember what rj did to that revrend guy?
jobu haha. god he couldnt even walk withougt pissing his pants
crank you know, I bet hurt doesnt believe any of this.
crank thats the best part.
tMM hurt: dont change your story
hurt tmm well guess what. you caught me lieing. which you probably already
knew. but, thanks to you, i learned alot about the italian mafia. but,
i really do have a friend that is part italian and his fathers whole
enter family is in it, except for his father.
crank its too bad we wont be getting a picture of hurts face when rj shows
up .. well, before its broken, that is.
tMM wow
Vanir he plans everything weeks in advance. that gives him a lot of time to
get people together...
tMM that was hard.
crank hey, its good to admit to that stuff.
hurt crank i know.
Gaurdian Youre not going to find a hitman whos gonna do a job for you,
hurt. You little punk.
tMM why dont you do it yourself
jobu he couldnt take rj!@
jobu FUCK!
jobu hahahahahahhahahAHAH
Vanir that still doesnt change the fact that rj is coming to fuck you up
man. you may have been lying but were not....
hurt guardian my friends drug dealer has hitmen, which my friend could
hire for free. since he buys so much.
Gaurdian Ha.
Gaurdian Thats just talk.
tMM oooh
tMM its a brother-thang
tMM hurt is all talk
Gaurdian Theyll say stuff like that, but they wont follow through.
tMM hes nothing
crank oh, sure Ill off a guy for you! what, oh, no charge. you sell me so
much shit, man, this ones free!
Vanir this guys a moron.
Gaurdian Nothing comes free.
Vanir err... a dead moron...
hurt tmm everyone is all talk.
tMM i am not
Vanir buy one hit get one free
Gaurdian Ha. I really would kill for free... just once. Id like to follow
someone around for a few weeks, ya know. Watch their house. Never
use cars, just go on foot... Thatd just rule. Figure out when
they come and go... when theyre alone...
tMM i mean every word i say here
tMM and back up my words.
tMM and do not lie
tMM that doesnt constitute all talk.
hurt tmm so i lied. i sinned. i have no god to forgive me. i dont give a
rats ass. i have my own beliefs.
tMM which are?
crank your beliefs wont save your body, hurt.
hurt tmm i dont feel like talking about them with you.
jobu FUCK FUCK FUCK
tMM you better make your peace with god before rj gets there
tMM because you are going to see him quick
jobu THE WHOLE FUCKING DOORFRAME IS FUCKING RUINED
tMM both rj and god.
hurt to think like awhile ago this place was dead and ive got everyone
talking. im so wonderful.
jobu THATS FUCKING 400 BUCKS
tMM yeah
tMM pat yourself on the back.
crank it always gets busy this time of night.
jobu THERES FUCKING PLASTER ALL OVER FUCK
Vanir eulogies always bring traffic
hurt tmm now that is all talk.
Vanir I said that the last time somebody fucked w/ crank. sigh
tMM hurt: what is all talk?
jobu crank why didnt you try to stop him??!! shit. i dont have the money
to replace the door
jobu FUCK!
hurt tmm that someone is coming to get me. when he doesnt even now
my last name and he barely knows the state i live in.
tMM no it isnt
tMM rj is going to visit you.
tMM thats reality
tMM he knows your last name
crank jobu: he left before I could say much. I tried, but you KNOW how he
is. dont blame me if my brother is fucking psycho.
jobu FUCKING A
hurt tmm how do you know? and no he doesnt. because i barely told him my
first name.
jobu BUT WHOS GONNA PAY FOR MY FUCKING DOOR?!??!??
crank we will somehow, aaron.
tMM john mitchell
tMM correct?
jobu shit
jobu i fucking hate his fucking temper.
hurt tmm yes, but you either checked your chat logs or just looked at the
yj issues. didnt you? am i correct?
tMM IF I KNOW THEN RJ KNOWS
jobu no dood
jobu he has a hugeass list of names
jobu and stufff hes got like all these friends on the west coast
jobu hes awesome at finding people.
Vanir theres stuff available to the public that will map someone email
address right to the street its from. if you dont believe me, try
lycos roadmap. he knows you and where you live so i suggest you get
a REALLy good apology ready.
hurt vanir i got one for him. ill shove my gun up his ass and blow him to
fuck. is that good.
jobu hahahahha
crank you wont do it in time.
jobu hahahhahha
crank you forget.
crank how tall are you, hurt?
hurt 68
jobu HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
crank right.
crank how tall are you, hurt?
hurt 68
jobu HAHAHAHHA
jobu god. your gonna die
crank is that 58?
hurt and 247.
jobu and its gonna be funny
---cameo!-------------------------------------------------------------------
*** echs exodus@ns2.pla-net.net has joined zines
echs pHRcREedr3liSh m0gm3rcUrim3rcUri dT0m3rcUricREed0PzcH3M
ch0crAdm0gm0rphb3liAl pHRcREedr3liSh
z1N3t4lk
*** echs exodus@ns2.pla-net.net has left zines
---cameo!-------------------------------------------------------------------
hurt crank no. 68
tMM yeah right
tMM 68
tMM bahahaha
jobu crank it doesnt matter how tall he is.
crank 247. he still has a good seventy pounds on you.
Vanir 68 247 and its all bone. heh
jobu shit
hurt this is horse shit. i like how all of you lie.
jobu uh huh.
jobu yeah.
tMM yeah
tMM you lie too.... i guess you are one of us!@
*** hurt has quit IRC Leaving
Vanir hurt: you oughta sell real estate
crank hurt: do you have an unnaturally large head?
crank oh man!
tMM NO
crank hahaha.
tMM HE LEFT
crank cut the log.
crank send it up.
Gaurdian Oh.
jobu like if were lying and shit, we always have to pay for all the shit
he fucks up. i just got done helping with hostpital bills. im not
going to pay for yours either, dumbass
Vanir hahaha
Gaurdian Man... ya know, height and weight mean fucking NOTHING.
crank true.
crank but he wouldnt know that.
tMM *** Signoff: hurt Leaving
tMM *** Signoff: hurt Leaving
tMM *** Signoff: hurt Leaving
jobu thank you, thank you
crank rj! logs!
crank matt saw merely half!
Gaurdian I know a guy, he much be under 58, but he could so damn beat the
crap out of people.
jobu ill log off, edit them, and send them up.
crank rj
jobu hmm?
Vanir coolio
Gaurdian Shit, he was a double blackbelt or something, and he didnt seem
to feel pain.
crank start it around where he asks me to get drunk with him. I think thats
good.
jobu ok.
tMM hahaha
jobu ok. brb
tMM i should put that in relish
jobu fuckin shit up
---the end-------------------------------------------------------------------
this is the end of the log. see they even said they were going to edit it. i
believe i got part of the edited version. you can tell kaynine who logged
this was playing a joke on me when he logs off and then relogs on to capture
the rest. there was a part left out between that time that i said he was full
of crap and he aint going to get me. i went along with his shit. so im
clearing that up with everyone right now.
- big hurt
---the real end--------------------------------------------------------------
well, this is it. youve read through the ENTIRE y0lk. email me and ill
lavish you with love and affection. thats phorce@nexxus.novasys.com
if youve just skipped ahead to read this, then FUCK YOU. HMMPH.
what a bunch of losers we are.
-- creed
s. .sP7s.
xxxxxxxxxxx xx xx xxxxxxx b xxxxxxxxxxx
::::::::::: : :: :::.ss ,gP :: ::::::: :
:::::::::: :: :: : g. ::::::::::::
:::: :::::: :: : :: :b ::: ::: :::
xxxxxxxxxxx 9bssd 9bssdP bssdP : xxxxxxxxxxx
ssss P tMM
y0lk 99: the badness steps out and takes a solo
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
the y0lk executive intro - phorce
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
welcome to y0lk, issue number 99!@ im your host, phorce.
y0lk, as you might have noticed, has recently celebrated its one-year
anniversary 7/27 AND is nearing its one hundredth issue. both of these
being quite large accomplishments, wed like to celebrate the style y0lk
upheld in those first great 100 issues which im sure youve all read.
see, with the advent of this y0lks new century, we hope to make
everything much more quality here at y0lk. away with the bad writing
weve been charactized by recently. as the new era approaches, the evils
of the previous era must be cleansed before we can continue.
so, since mogel grabbed control of y0lk 100 grrr, y0lk 99 was
chosen to be the final resting place for all this bad stuff ive had sitting
around in my submissions directory for so long. this issue is the last you
will see of badness in y0lk. badness, but in a good sense of the word, that
is. theres a certain dada-ness in all this badness.
who can forget the finesse of big hurts big hurt is ruler of the
earth! do you still remember fuck your tv and eye yam stain? how
about hoochs constant references to doing things to ones anus? all of
these, great classics they were - surely to be remembered and revered in the
future as the greatest works of literature ever written. in the great words
of jesus, that son of god, himself:
the kingdom of heaven is like leaven which a woman took and hid in
three measures of flour, till it was all leavened.
-- matthew 13.33
y0lk is that leaven hidden from most, obscure in the great measures
of flour that try to oppress us, but still winning out over them all, to
expand and become a great, godly thing, almost as great as that big valhalla
in the sky.
yes, dear friends - y0lkliness is next to godliness.
with all that said and done, heres whats planned for you tonight.
weve pulled out all the stops for ya. weve got some choice big hurt
material, some writing by the younger siblings of zinesters, and a surprise
guest or two!@ youll love it, believe me.
now on with the y0lk.
---the official y0lk 99 index!--------------------------------------------
here they are! please dont skip over authors just because i
foolishly decided to put an index in!
whats in the box? big hurt
blah black francis
Big stinky peniS groveR bFs little brother!
im here trapped in my house and have no life big hurt
comic relief creed
a young lad named hat, a sun god, and a big missile phorce
mutter writes for y0lk 100 mutter featuring my sister!
nine inch nails memories typed by big hurt
the garbage can of the apocalypse mercuri
debbie does zines mercuri
the boy who ate coasters mercuri
how stalin got his name mercuri
what i did on my summer vacation mercuri
bad cliches mercuri
what they are thinking right now... mercuri
WHY DO STORIES ALWAYS FEATURE ME?! Nybar joltcolas brother!@
99 baby big hurt
AND.. a very special encore crank, big hurt, tao, tMM
---phear!@------------------------------------------------------------------
im sure you all know big hurt, dont you? back in y0lks infancy,
big hurt came to us, bearing y0lks. heres one of his first attempts!@ one
of the only y0lks ever to be rejected from y0lk!
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
y0lk ishue 40: whats in the box?
.y0lk. this ishue .xXx.
sup every1. this is big hurt, or hurt on irc. if ya dont know me, then you
will soon get to know me. cuz i sorry to tell you this, but im here to stay
so ya betta recongize and start to phear me.
anywayz, i never know what im gonna write about until im almost done, cuz
ya never know what yer gonna get in this zine when i write, so ya have to
keep on reading this.
.y0lk. who is big hurt? .xXx.
well of course ya know that im big hurt by now. anyhow. ive been around
the art scene for awhile now. ive been in many of grOups, such as vor,
cia, fire, etc. and now im in ink and a lit grOup called spin. im also
running my own emag, called blOtch, which is a production of ink.
ive done ascii, ansi, and now ive decided to write. had my own zine
called turb0 until it died and become an emag, blOtch. i was in
thrust, before the merge of thrust and apathy and was never included into
the merge, along with many of other ex-thrust membas.
ive also tried doin music and sum of it hasnt turned out all so bad. who
knows where i will go.
.y0lk. lub it, like it, have it .xXx.
yum. lets all have sum spam. ya can use it in a thousand different ways. it
is so eReet. ya can cook it, nuke it, smell it, grill it and put it on sum
buns and have a spamburger.
what would we do wit out spam. would the world as we know it, no longer go
on, cuz we dont have that delicious and tasty thing called spam.
.y0lk. the world .xXx.
yes, the world would go on. the world doesnt rotate around spam, it rotates
around the great one. which is big hurt, the mentor, the boss, the great.
.y0lk. im elite .xXx.
too think that im writting fer y0lk, the best zine out there. so i must be
the most elite person on the face of this earth. well maybe not the most
elite, i ferget trip of apathy.blah.blah.etc and creed cum before me.
.y0lk. zine run-down .xXx.
zines zines zines! the wonderful world of zines!
arent zines so great.
anyway, i think im gonna do a run down on some zines that ive
picked up on the net and all of the boards. here i go, i
guess.
weve got slinky. which is ran by that funky guy named belial. dont
know how to pronouse it, cuz im kinda dumb, stupid, or whatever ya
wanna call it. i got the very very very first ishue of slinky. it
was kewlio and i give it two thumbs up.
speaking of rad. i betta whiped that dung off my tennis shoes. and
we got sum guy that suggested a name to belial and ended up using
the name fer his own zine. that zine guy would be mercuri. damn!
wish i knew how to say that also.
then we got three guys or sumthang like that, called loOpy, stig,
and mistawho started a zine called dogma. they currently have
two ishues out, at least when i wrote this article they did.
these guys are all kewl and there zine even shows it.
wow there is quite a few zines out there and i havent even covered half
of them. sum arent as elite as y0lk or others out there, but hey ya have
to give them credit.
.y0lk. blOtch .xXx.
here is my blOtch emag plug
like so get yer articles into me at lowen@goodnet.com so that i can put yer
article in the first blOtch ishue.
.y0lk. im the best header ever .xXx.
yes, even my headers talk to each other.
.y0lk. i cant agree with you, cuz im the best header ever .xXx.
they even argue about who is the best header. you dont see that anywhere
else except for y0lk. we bring ya the big smelly cheese every ishue for
yer readin enjoyment.
.y0lk. the big question .xXx.
i bet ya have been waiting this entire ishue reading and reading. wonder how
ya learned how to read. was it hooked-on-phonics?
anywayz, the big question fer this ishue was what in that box? well, i
will tell you the answer right here and now.
it is a y0lk ishue.
.y0lk. greets .xXx.
well here are all of my greetz.
trip, creed, loopy, belial, fk, kk, thoodone, bitstream, erupt, hollow,
ashley, delta astro, woolf, and any that lubs reading these zines.
.y0lk. make it stOp .xXx.
well, ive decided to make all of this stOp for the time being. but ya betta
phear me, cuz i shall return wit anotha ishue sometime very shortly.
hope ya liked this ishue, cuz it was my very first time written a y0lk
ishue, so fergive me if have ruined yer eye site.
---aww.---------------------------------------------------------------------
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
blah - black francis
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
blah blah blah blah blah blah lbnalh alha blah blah bhlab blah BLAH
blabla blah blah balb alb durdurdur blah blah blah blah blah bal al blah h
blah lhal lah.
blah blah lah.
b.
blah blah blahblahblahblah blah blah, blah blah blah blahblah.
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH blah
blahbbbbblah? b b blahbhhhhablah! blah? blah.
BBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.
bagh.
blah blah b l a h h h h.blah. blah - blah - blah - blah.
durdurdur/
blah ballahahahah blah blah BALH! blah. wtf? blah.blah.
BLAH.
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
Big stinky peniS - groveR bFs little brother
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
The sega channel is a totally new fucking hit. why pay the 4 dollar shit for
a game a blockbuster, I personaly think that blockbuster smells like poo
anyhow. Do you eat cows or is it just america dont eat are animal friends
if you do your a fucking asshole, get into the groove homy G eat veggie
burgers. my butt is very pale and stinky and it is coolly yo.Ha Ha HA my
butt rules because I do. Im writing till me bored and now Im bored.
-groveR
---woo!--------------------------------------------------------------------
im here trapped in my house and have no life - big hurt
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
broken machine
ive been so busy in the past couple of weeks. school finally ended. too think
i would have fucked around for about a couple weeks before realizing that i
had no life. but, not this summer.
i have a job. i have baseball. and as soon as school got out, i started my own
little project to stardom. i started a band. sorta of like trent reznor did
nine inch nails. i got sick of my friends. they didnt have any gear to even
get songs going. i didnt need any gear. i had my computer.
so i started right away and started doing songs on my computer. im making a
demo tape as soon as i get a 8-track recording/mixing machine from someone or
somewhere. ive already contacted a few record labels and some are wanting to
hear my stuff. that shows how desperate they are.
my band, broken machine, only has one person right now. that is fine. i like
working by myself. it is how trent reznor started out. he did fine. since he
is a major influence in the music im making, maybe it is best that i do
follow in his footsteps.
dont get me wrong that i didnt have fun the first weekend that school got
out. because i sure did. my mom is starting to let me stay out later and
later every night i want to do something. so she is giving me more freedom
and can trust me.
and here is the big shocker of the day. i have decided to kill yellow journal.
if someone would like to continue it, then do so, otherwise it is offically
dead. i will putting all of my efforts of writing into y0lk from now on. i may
not be writing that much for y0lk either, but i will try from time to time,
since i will be busy all of the time this summer with baseball, work, and
with the broken machine project.
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
comic relief - creed
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
HEY, EVERYBODY!!!!
WHAT DID THE GHOST SAY TO THE BEE?!@?!@?!@?!@?
BOO, BEE!!@!@!@!@
HAHAHAHAH!@!@!@ HhahahahAHAahAHAhaH!@!@!@!@!@@!!@ I AM SO
FUNNY!@!@!@!@
HAHAHAHAHAHAhafhahahahahashfhi23ph413k4jqwekfm2!@12
@@@!!@**!@*!@*!@*!@
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH!@@!!@!@!@!@
FUNYNEHEWAHAHHEHEAHEAHAHAHAH12!@!@!@!@@!
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAF@!@!*!@*!@ HAHAHASHA
AHAHAAAHAHAHAWH!@!!@@!!@
HAHAHAHAHAS@!@!@
AH!@! AHH!@ ahhh. ok.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHR@*U!!@!@!@*!@* ok.
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
a young lad named hat, a sun god, and a big missile - phorce
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
young hat opened his bedroom window and reveled in the sunshine. all
was good. the sun upon his eyes told hat that today was, as usual, another
day the sun, like him, had decided to get up and make the lives of everyone
he/it would meet a little brighter.
the sun has decided to rise today? this is good, hat remarked to
himself.
hat felt that great morning feeling that he always had around this
time. beaming again, much like the sun, hat quickly bathed and dressed.
he pranced down the stairs, singing a song to himself and feeling content in
the knowledge that, in a dozen hours or so, the sun would be replaced with
pale moonlight.
this seems a normal assumption for most people the regular cycle of
day to night is more or less a given. thus, it was not strange that hat would
guess the sun would set and give way to the moon that night.
unfortunately, hat was wrong.
ra, the sun god, was mad, and wasnt about to go to sleep angry.
WHY HAVE YOU NOT PRAISED ME? it screamed in rage. HAVE I NOT
SHINED BRIGHT FOR YOU, THROUGH THE AGES? WAS I NOT THE ONE WHO BIRTHED YOU?
AM I NOT THE REASON FOR YOUR EXISTENCE?
after hearing ra speak out so loudly which was very surprising for
most, humankind felt a little guilty and embarassed for not really getting
into the spirit of praising ra for the last few thousand years or so.
HAS HUMANKIND FORGOTTON ABOUT ME, RA, THE CREATOR OF LIFE? I BROUGHT
YOU, FOOLISH MORTALS, OUT OF THE OOZE! BOW TO ME BEFORE I SEND YOU BACK TO
THE SAME OOZE FROM WHICH YOU CAME!
unfortunately for this deity, this ra character was quite obviously
a threat to national and global security. special covert strike teams were
quickly assembled as ras demands became greater and louder. the intensity
of ras annoyance at humanity had become so great that cases of instant skin
cancer on very clear and sunny days had been reported. the pentagon finally
agreed on a plan.
their plan was as follows:
fire a large missile at the sun.
hat, looking outside his tinted bedroom window into the permanent
sunshine, could see the large missile silo opening from his bedroom window.
he also could also see the gargantuan missile inside, ready to be fired.
thats one big missile, hat remarked to himself.
hat watched as the missile took off, into the sky.
ra, too, watched the missile lift off towards him. ra was, as most
would be if a large missile was rapidly approaching ones self, annoyed.
ra decided to destroy the foul, ungrateful humans living on the world
it had shined so brightly on. with one mighty swoop, earth was gone.
and the last words young hat heard before he was blasted ironically
into ash by the same rays that had previously given him life were:
EXISTENCE IS FUTILE.
---yawn---------------------------------------------------------------------
woopers! ummm. well, on with more of this...
IF YOUVE ALREADY LOST INTEREST, JUST BEAR WITH US. WE LOVE YOU. I, PHORCE,
WILL PERSONALLY GIVE YOU LOVIN FOR READING THROUGH THIS ENTIRELY.
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
mutter writes for y0lk 100 - mutter featuring my sister!
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
Okay Im a bit upset understandably so, as Im sure youll agree. I
didnt get too many entrys to that spontaneous contest I made in the last
issue I wrote read it over to refresh your memory. The fact of the matter
is: I got NO entrys. Thats right. Zero. YOU COULDNT EVEN PUT IN ONE FUCKIN
ENTRY TO MAKE ME FEEL GOOD, HUH?!! Okay, you wanna play like that ... Ill
play like that, fuckball. I will personally hunt down and kill each and every
y0lk reader yes, all three of you. Then, I will kill your families, friends,
neighbors, pets. Oh, you bastards, you say Go on! Kill me. If I had friends
and family I wouldnt be reading y0lk! You think youre trickey, dontcha?
Well see who has the last laugh!@ Ha!@ I will now only answer to the name
Mutter, the y0lk-reader hunter!
umm... Gee, I never thought itd be so hard to think of a transition
between subjects ...
So, anywaze, one late night I saw phorce on IRC only it wasnt phorce
... oooo-weeee-oooo and I thought well, gee, this is weird. Phorces account
is logged in but hes in IRC with the name Istigkeit. It took me a while to
figure out that this was in fact his sister who used to go by the handle
moonbeam. So here, an exclusive interview with phorces sister well,
kinda!
--------------------Begin IRC convo!!------------------------------------------
ed. note: these are all private messages.
mutter istigkeit?
Istigkeit yes, do i know you?
mutter Id hope so :
mutter oh, wait, you must be cathy.
Istigkeit YES!! Who are you?
mutter Im here to stalk you. Thats what I do Im a stalker.
Istigkeit WHO ARE YOU
mutter mmooooooonbeeeeeeaaaaam
Istigkeit TELL ME WHO YOU FUCKING ARE!
mutter woah, watch that language, how old are you, 13?
Istigkeit 14, now tell me how you know me
mutter I know everything about you. Our whole lives are on the computer,
ya know?
mutter Have you ever seen The Net?
mutter ya know, the movie with sandra bullock... anyways, its not important
Istigkeit yes i saw it! tell me seriously who you are!
mutter our whole lives are on the computer, ya know?
Istigkeit shut up, i know shit about this computer. my life is not in any
way on it.
mutter Im watching you RIGHT NOW!@!@ Dont sit so close to the monitor!!
heheh
Istigkeit shut up. PLEASE! who are you!!!!!!!!
mutter okay...i gotta get going...cya later. nice to meet me!:
Istigkeit no you are not leaving NOW WHO THE HELL ARE YOU????? please, i
just want to know if i know you or not. Please? :
Raven Quit stalking my woman
mutter you got it, man
*** Signoff: mutter blah
-----------------------end convo!---------------------------------------------
Obviously, she has a little romance going on with Raven, thus the
reference to her as my woman. I laughed out loud when I got that one.
Stay tuned for further developements in the Istigkeit + Raven
situation! w00, gossip. err.
Anywaze...
---it ended there.----------------------------------------------------------
wow. my sister has quite a mouth, it seems.
if you see her, dont be a stranger if you see Istigkeit phorce@openix.com
on irc.
shell hate me for that. heh.
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
nine inch nails memories - typed by big hurt
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
This is taken from an interview in Keyboard magazine.
Keyboard Magazine: Care to expand on any of those hellish gig experiences?
Trent Reznor: Opening day, Lollapalooza, Phoenix. We couldnt play because
one of the power boxes had melted, and every time the low end of the P.A.
would rumble, it would jiggle the cord and all power onstage would just shut
off and turn back on. If you have a sampler, that means youre down for a
minute. And if you have tape deck, ahem, that means it stops. But, I think
because we were an electric band, everyone was just waiting for us to fuck
up onstage. So this started happening and: Hello, does anybody know whats
going on? A voice from backstage: No, but I think itw working now. Turn
to crowd: Okay, hey, we suck, so heres the next song. And ten seconds
into it, every time he hit the kick drum, there it went. Turn back around:
This is the biggest show weve ever played, does anyone know what the fuck
is wrong? Voice from backstage: We think we have it! Turn to the crowd:
Okay, one more time, and ...
Keyboard Magazine: So what did you do?
Trent Reznor: We smashed all the gear, and ran to the bus.
Readers Note:
Anyways, that hellish incident took place in Phoenix, Arizona. Arizona is
the stat that I live in, just in case you didnt know. And if you dont give
a fuck, then you shouldnt have read my readers note.
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
the garbage can of the apocalypse - mercuri
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
slowly did the bucket move, step by step, inch by inch. it was a long and
grueling process, but he was determined to take over crown point high
school if it was the last thing he did.
*ring*
the lunch bell went off.
oh shit thought the bucket
the kids poured out of the front doors of the school and they kicked the
bucket, resetting his progress.
great. itll take me two more days before i get that far again.
nope... dead end story, lemme try something else.
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
debbie does zines - mercuri
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
i want your warez.... IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! *WINK*
uh, nope.
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
the boy who ate coasters - mercuri
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
MOM! CAN I HAVE MORE COASTERS?
no.
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
how stalin got his name - mercuri
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
translated into english by vladimir checnykofpz
awe, hes sooo cute!
what should we name him my little bubushka?
how about... STALIN?
its done! let us dance, my dear!
*insert jig*
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
what i did on my summer vacation - mercuri
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
next!
billy: ...then we drove, and drove some more, and then we drove
mercuri: and after i went to the eifel tower, i ran all the way to china and
had dinner with famous celebrities!
anything else, mercuri?
mercuri: yeah, but the rest is kind of hard to beleive.
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
bad cliches - mercuri
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
funner than hell
cool as hell
cool as shit
i could care less
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
what they are thinking right now... - mercuri
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
boris yeltsin: stupid americans
muslim leaders: stupid americans
english prime minister: stupid americans
germany: stupid americans
iceland: stupid americans
canada: stupid americans
australia: stupid americans
---w0o! mercuri!---------------------------------------------------------
mercuri is my hero. sigh.
you still with us? good.
now, in keeping with the younger-siblings-of-zinesters tradition:
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
WHY DO STORIES ALWAYS FEATURE ME?! - Nybar joltcolas brother!@
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
WHY DO STORIES ALWAYS FEATURE M.. AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! IM IN ON RIGHT
NOW!!!!!! START FREASH YOU IDIOT! NOT AT HOME!!!!
We have a web page, a vmb, and a book.. featuring poupey stories
THE STORY SO FAR!!
Nybar crisscrosses the globe performing his stick juggling act.
He can do it verrrrrryyyyyyy well. But sometimes he comes to a
hick state. This is the story of Nybars visit to one of those
Redneck States.
After performing my amazing stick-juggling act.. I went
to shake hands with the audience. There was this one crazy,
Bell-bottom redneck, who came up to me and said.. HOW DO YOU
DO IT?!? HOW DO YOU DO IT?!?! HOW MAKE STICKS FLY?!!??! then,
I decided to do my snake dancing act, sing a light song, and
hit him with a big stick as the conclusion. So I started dancing
. Magggggiiiiiiiiicccccccc duh duh duh dahh the magiccc.. to
make sticks perforrrmm.. SHUT THE HELL UP AND TELL ME! REDNECK
, BEER SWILLIN BASTAGE! CHICKEN HERDIN WONDER!!!! OK!! TAKE THIS!
he takes out a rusty shovel and hits me with it.. mortally
wounding me Should... havee.... shot yer ass.... the second I saw
you... redneck steps out of the shadows MERCURI!! I die.. this
story now features Mercuri.
MY long dist REVENGE ON MERCURI!
mercuris perspective
It had been a hard day at the farm. My little cow bessy
Had been giving skim milk, and pork and beans was getting
More and more tasteless. After a couple years of wondering
what was wrong with me.. somone told me YOU IDIOT! YOU ARE
OBVIOUSLY DEPRESSED!! WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM. it was
my duck. I obviously WAS crazy, so I moved to the big city.
I got a job as a lecturer.. mainly thing like IF MY GRAN-PAPA
WAS ALIVE.. HED BE DISGUSTED AT THE FILTH IN MODERN ZINES! TAKE
THE PADDLE TO ALL OF YOU HE WOULD!!! HICKKKKKKK Then I noticed
something strange about someone I met on the street. HE LOOKED
EXZACTLY THE SAME AS SOME GUY I HAD KILLED A YEAR AGO. He was waring
an arm band that said K.ill S.tupid R.ednecks.. KSR, so THAT WAS
what the KSR was. At the time, I didnt know that the guy was
forming a red neck elimination force. Nope.. I am pretty damn
stupid in things like that. So I decided to send in a membership
card. A few weeks later, there was some knocking at the door,
and a very farmiliar voice said Hey.. youre in the club!
So I opened the door. The second I did I was shot.
IS THIS THE END? yes
---yeeks!@------------------------------------------------------------------
okay! youve reached.. the FINAL THRESHOLD!! just ONE more article and
its ALL OVER!
of course, ive added a small encore performance by crank, kaynine, tMM, and
big hurt at the end if you want to read it. its pretty durn funny, but its
very very long. read if you dare.
cmon! read the encore piece! youll LOVE it, believe me! laugh out
loud at those crazy zines people!!
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
issue number 99 y0lk july 30th, 1996
99 baby
well we are one issue away from 100. what makes it so special is i get to do
the very last two digit issue of y0lk ever. big deal.
kojak doesnt like what he sees in y0lk
actually kojaks writings in the previous issue 98 if youre dumb i thought
were very helpful to y0lk. though i never correct my own mistakes, im going
to try to start to do that. one reason is that i makes my writings a lower
standard than they should be if i went back and took the time to see what is
wrong with an article.
but, as a 17-year-old-teen i dont have that much time. im either playing
baseball, working as an umpire, working on my music, or in my free time, which
i dont have much of these days, trying to spend time with friends that ive
hardly ever seen since the last week of school.
teenage life
a teenage life can be hard. everyone will go through it. youve got so many
things you have to do. then you have the things that you want to do. then you
have your parents bugging you.
i live with my mom. though i dont see her that much, since she works days and
i play baseball at nights and work at night, when i do see her i do get upset
of something she says. why?
because she tries to keep me her little kid. i get sick of it and ignore her
or yell back at her. why?
ill tell you why i *yell* back at her. because she simply gets on my nerves.
lots of things get on my nerves. like how people treat each other. either it
be on the internet or in *real* life. i hate how people treat other people. i
mean, i try not to shit on people because i know shit will always fly back in
my face.
for 17-year-old-male-teen im probably more sensitive, kind and caring than
the next 17-year-old-male-teen. why is this? it probably is the way that my
parents raised me. it is probably the way i see the world and think about other
people.
guys think it is wrong to be sensitive. actually, it is fine. that is one
reason i write poetry and songs. it is good to write peotry. it gets ride of
the stress and makes you feel better, if you write about something that was
bothering you at the moment.
ive written poetry and songs about almost anything: sex, anger, suicide,
murder, hate, love, happiness. but i mostly write about the bad things. the
reason for that is that it lets me get the anger out about those things and
not hurt anyone that made me mad. and i try to live the happy moments.
though i like to think of myself as a happy person, i do have the depressed
moments in my life. but, i would sure like to be surrounded by a bunch of good
friends.
buh-bye
well, im done with this issue. get ready for the 100th issue.
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
big hurt said it best. peace, brother.
psst! and dont forget to read the ENCORE PIECE at the end of the y0lk!@
---index--------------------------------------------------------------------
.db.
title author
01 the other white meat creed
02 several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin creed
03 nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars. creed
04 a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin creed
05 household uses for afghanistanian food creed
06 pour cement down my anus hooch
07 hail santa! creed
08 hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties? hooch
09 lunchables rock. creed
10 t-shirts and toejam bedlam
11 nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview hooch
12 movie reviews showgirls!@ - win95 vs. os/2 sorta hooch
13 straight outta compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@ hooch
14 im a tall, goofy, dorky, chink phorce
15 bedazzled by the eliteness creed
16 how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina creed
17 i am a warez pup - who are you? hooch
18 lemmings phorce
19 the science of astrology belial
20 the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene cd/h0
21 dUcK 54uc3?!!? phorce
22 top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself creed
23 citrus fruits for sale phorce
24 group masturbation belial
25 ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs creed
26 catering for the warez eleet phorce
27 brief mental pause belial
28 the army day camp belial
29 the geek theory, hickies, and another long day creed
30 nets, zines, and that chick from wings hooch
31 mentos! the freedom giver! mercuri
32 ramblings of a poseur bedlam
33 sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan creed
34 fuck you - a note to all yall on zines hooch
35 apples, oranges, and pears phorce
36 the little cultist that couldnt creed
37 careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate creed
38 snowday phorce
39 creed is g0d creed
40 big hurt is ruler of the earth bighurt
41 dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue bighurt
42 bbs softwares/internet hooch
43 abandon thy gods! from yonder cometh y0lk! creed
44 mogels own very special personalized 1 y0lk issue phorce
45 your burro is no jackass! creed
46 rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars creed
47 outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers creed
48 Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off creed
49 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life creed
50 the best of the worst creed
51 the prince of darkness versus some guy named dave trip
52 ode to my feet creed
53 hopelessly lost poots
54 the schoolhouse r0x! phorce
55 campbells chicken-noodle soup omen of death creed
56 dead cats juke
57 my inner taco handle
58 my place, or yours? mercuri
59 how to really use that spiffy monopoly money lumpy
60 struggle wif the giant pink elephant lucifer
61 why did the chicken cross the road? insane
62 y0lk test pattern mutter
63 ELiTE LiT from the master himself creed
64 creeds k-rad lit archives, volume two creed
65 UNSOPHISTICATED FASCIST BASTARDS. YOU DONT UNDERSTAND ME. creed
66 how y0lk saved my life sorta creed
67 shiny nickles, no more TP, and shitty knuckles ideal
68 some puppet plays phorce
69 ... Hello operator ... mutter
70 i bit my nail, now my finger is bleeding. traq
71 battle of the ants rage
72 fun on the phone ideal
73 yabba-dabba do, scooby-dooby do, and many other mysteries.. handle
74 i love you as my own mother sphrog
75 jamesy and the giant slinky jamesy
76 do not fuck with the big and hairy bears murmur
77 horror story oeb
78 dat wh0re s.sheep
79 the ewok rant taraxis
80 the arcade avenger tao
81 the night before 2600 d.cheez
82 journey into the mind of a no-brained counterculturist taraxis
83 a generic y0lk file mogel
84 cultural inclination? m.head
85 australia through the eyes of a spoon spoony
86 the life of a demented sysop spoony
87 little johnny carpenter franman
88 phan male ideal
89 bighurt is back! bighurt
90 the discovery channel sphrog
91 fruitopia caps!@ bighurt
92 the story of carla trip
93 a joltcola y0lk joltcola
94 spinsanes story spinsane
95 fish pillows, mothers, and limericks sphrog
96 cOsmic revelations, fever induced flashbacks, and pedOph... spinsane
97 stinky cheese and the seven messy petes joltcola
98 what ive seen of y0lk really sucks kojak
99 the badness steps out and takes a solo various
TT
---infoez-------------------------------------------------------------------
if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
like it or not. if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et
cetera.
phorce is the head samurai of y0lk!@ beware!
hooch is the stupendous chief shephard of y0lk.
mindcrime is a crazed oriental looking for revenge.
clarification: mindcrime may actually be a y0lk member. no one knows.
heil creed. HEIL! HEIL!
to get all the rest of the y0lks, ftp://ftp.openix.com/ftp/phorce/y0lk
or... call our world headquarters, erebus, at 201-762-1373. k-rad.
*or*... look for y0lkb0t on irc, efnet. type @y0lk number for y0lks.
OR... ATTENTION y0lkies! join the y0lk mailing list! chat about y0lk
and all them other zines, too! email listserv@magsystems.com with the line
subscribe y0lk in the body of the message.
OR! *new* alt.zines.y0lk! subscribe today! yes, folks, YOU can READ the
NEWSGROUP alt.zines.y0lk! isnt that special? join y0lknet too. thank phorce.
if you have ANY normal internet provider, you can read alt.zines.y0lk!@
OR OR OR!@ the *official* y0lk html is at http://www.openix.com/phorce/y0lk
OR! coming soon! micro pirate radio! a y0lk hour-of-fun ON THE AIR!
sorry, available only for those in the northern new jersey area.
dont you feel like youre getting a little too much information here?
couldnt we just show our ftp site and shut up? its just sad that we
have to advertise all our cheap media at the bottom of every textfile
like this. what a bunch of losers we are.
---encore y0lk!!----------------------------------------------------------
attention, peoples!! here it is:
the official y0lk 99 encore performance!!
... a lovely piece featuring crank, kaynine, tMM, and big hurt, with Gaurdian
and Vanir as supporting roles. read and love through all 600 lines.
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
a log and a rebuttal - big hurt
---y0lk---------------------------------------------------------------------
a special log from some guys in zines that try to make me look queer.
ed. note: queer?! they never mentioned big hurt being gay!!!
the log
hurt crank hmm. i was hoping you would come to like arizona and hang
out with me and we could get drunk.
tMM bahahahaha
crank hey, yeah! thats a pretty good idea, hurt!
tMM hey! hurt, wanna go smoke crack with me?!
hurt tmm umm, no. i dont do those drugs.
crank do you do any drugs, hurt?
hurt crank no.
crank hurt: why not?
tMM hurt: why not?
crank just curious.
hurt tmm crank because i play baseball year round and i dont need
drugs fucking up my career.
tMM career?
crank hurt: dont you consider alcohol to be a drug?
tMM erf.. brb
* tMM is i d l e
hurt crank yeah, but i dont hardly even drink. not for a long time.
crank I dont do any drugs, big hurt. I would never get drunk with you.
crank I would never get drunk with anyone.
hurt tmm yeah. i have a good chance at making it pro pitching some day.
possibly with the arizona diamondbacks in 1998.
crank I would never get drunk alone.
*** crank changes topic to big hurt the male girlie17.
kaynine baha
kaynine whoaoa
hurt crank yeah, change that topic. i dont like it.
* crank whistles innocently.
crank hurt: and what if I say N0!@?!?
hurt crank then, im gonna write about it in my diary. so there.
crank hurt: awesome!
crank greet me!
crank say crank is my friend!
crank say she told me so!@
crank and then you will be cool and accepted.
hurt crank not yj, my diary. but, i will like greet you in yj.
crank ok!
kaynine yeah. remember to say kaynine threatened me physically.
crank big hurt, tell me your real name.
hurt kaynine okay. here is what it will say for you: hi kaynine.
she threatened to fondle me. so i had to. oops. wrong saying.
crank dood?
kaynine uh.
kaynine i think you didnt hear me, batboy.
kaynine you push with crank, and youre pushing me.
hurt crank i cant. i work for the govt. and in my govt rule book
im not allowed to reveal myself or real name. but we will call me
hurt for now.
crank is your real name LEO?
hurt crank no. it is john.
hurt crank it says it in the very first issue of yj.
crank hi, john!
crank watch this.
kaynine john.
kaynine hmm.
crank kaynine im 19, 66, 330lbs, extremely protective, and if you ever
crank think about even saying something that dumb again, ill
crank mangle you into A FUCKING CHEEZ DOODLE.
crank remember it!
hurt what are your names?
tMM my name is habib
crank Im steve.
hurt hi habib.
kaynine ill cause you pain of an unspeakable kind.
hurt kaynine i believe you.
tMM whats up?
hurt crank i thought you said you were a women.
kaynine my name is rj.
crank I am. the name steve is non-gender specific.
kaynine youll know me by my portable stormcloud.
tMM pahaha
hurt crank i guess it could be. but ive never heard of a female
with the name steve. woa. that is cool anyhow.
tMM stevie nicks?
crank yeah. really.
crank and I like to chew tobaccey.
tMM sheesh
tMM oh yeah
tMM hurt: do you chew on the field?
hurt tobacco is bad for you.
tMM so is alcohol
tMM so is baseball
tMM so is the computer.
hurt tmm nope. cant. and if i could, i wouldnt.
crank thats why I dont chew or smoke it!
tMM i dont drink, i dont smoke, and i dont toke. im the cleanest
man alivee!
tMM alive!
kaynine remember. rj. remember that name.
hurt okay.
tMM rj serial killah!
crank hurt, I have a confession.
*** mercuri jwapienn@earth12.ts.pla-net.net has joined zines
*** y0lkb0t sets mode: +o mercuri
y0lkb0t mercuri http://www.pla-net.net/jwapienn/merc/
crank I lied to you.
crank my names not steve. its johann.
mercuri hi
crank can you ever forgive me?
kaynine and im peewee.
tMM my name is jonas
kaynine we travel the forest in search of smurfs
hurt crank no. fuck you. you lied to me. im gonna go crazy.
tMM you arent already?
kaynine oh yeah?
crank uh, pardon me. did you just swear at me?
crank hm?
crank eh?
kaynine oh yeah motherfucker?!
tMM hey rj!
crank hey, rj! he swore at me!
tMM GET HIM!
kaynine AWW YEAH
hurt crank umm, no. i didnt. that was the bad side of mr hurt.
kaynine ITS ON NOW BITCH
mercuri uh
tMM come on bitz
crank hurt: apologize and Ill call him off.
tMM ill beat you into a big hurt
hurt crank im so sorry. will you every fogive me.
crank hah.
*** mercuri jwapienn@earth12.ts.pla-net.net has left zines
crank awesome.
tMM hey, rj!
kaynine tmm, im stopping by your house on the way back.
crank hurt: I dont sense enough sincerity!
tMM rad!
tMM well drink his beer!
tMM doh
kaynine lish.. the long knife, or the two short ones?
crank rj: the two short ones. try not to cut too deeply.
kaynine ok.
tMM brb
* tMM is gone - pizza
hurt crank if you dont believe me, then im taking your greet out of yj4.
crank hurt: DONT THREATEN ME, PONQ.
crank ILL HAVE YOU BEATEN INTO A WRITHING, BLOODY OOZE.
hurt oh yeah crank.
*** hurt lowen@goodnet.com has left zines
crank hahaha
kaynine hahahaha
*** hurt lowen@goodnet.com has joined zines
hurt ahahahaha. that showed you.
crank OKAY, HURT
crank I FORGIVE YOU
crank IM SORYR
crank YOU SHOWED ME
kaynine mm. i cant find that clip.
crank I AM HUMBLED
crank i am humbled.
kaynine where the fuck is my other clip?! shit..
hurt crank good. lets be friends. okay.
crank ok!
crank hey, everyone!
crank Im friends with big hurt!
*** crank changes topic to hurt crank good. lets be friends. okay.
kaynine yeah, i have some friends for big hurt.
crank are they sharp friends, rj?
crank will they smart?
hurt kaynine what are you going to do with the clip. shoot me.
crank ha ha!
kaynine yep.
hurt gulp
kaynine hahahaha
kaynine he thinks im kidding!
kaynine hahahaha
kaynine or, at least, ill shoot at you.
kaynine im not a good shot.
hurt hurt runs around in circles looking for a place to hide. trying
to dodge the bullets from kaynines massive gun.
kaynine oh yeah. this is gonna be fun.
kaynine lish, i should be back in a couple of days.
kaynine please tell kim, and ill just hope to talk to her when i get back.
kaynine i hope the car starts.
kaynine bye
---later...-----------------------------------------------------------------
*** jobu has joined zines
*** y0lkb0t sets mode: +o jobu
y0lkb0t jobu w00f
crank hey aaron.
hurt tmm i ... i ... i didnt mean too ... i just couldnt resist crank.
sniff, sniff
jobu crank what the fuck is up with rj??
crank jobu: big hurt here pissed him off.
jobu he jsut came in here and was screaming and i couldnt get him to stop
hurt crank i guess i did. i was just playing around with you crank.
jobu holy fuck hes mad
crank you took it way too far with rj, hurt.
tMM dude
tMM big men that are mad scare me.
crank jobu: can you calm him down? I dunno if he found the clips, but he
was sure looking for them.
jobu aww SHIT.!? he took the clips!
crank I dont know.
crank he found one.
tMM dude
hurt crank sorry. didnt mean too.
jobu fuck he took the bat too.
tMM rj is fucken crazy
jobu oh wlel..
jobu who is the lucky fuck?
crank I dont know why you keep that shit around, aaron. you know how rj is.
crank jobu: hurt.
jobu HEY.. HE BUYS IT
jobu ahh.
hurt jobu can you tell me what rj looks like?
Gaurdian Uh.
crank huge.
crank scary.
jobu hes like 6 5 and 300 or so.
jobu hes got brown hair, but i saw some dye in the bathroom.. lemme go check
hurt jobu can you send me a photo of him.
* jobu is away loking for the dye
jobu ok.. hes going to be big and have really black hair
jobu holy shit. he took the razors. hes going to be cuting himself on the
way. haha your fucked.
jobu good luck
jobu hes gonna be bleeding on the arms and face
hurt jobu well, just tell send me a photo.
hurt jobu what is his full name?
jobu fuck. you think hed want me to do that? im not as stupid as you are
crank hurt: how many fucking huge guys are after you that you cant identify
this one?
*** tMM has quit IRC Ping timeout
jobu i dont want him kickin my ass dumbshit
jobu his name is rj, but hell be going by aaron largent prolly
jobu he has some id for it.
hurt crank well, i will find out where he lives. then i will send out my
hitman to get him. i seriosly have a friend that knows hitman. and if
he is really come to get me, then he will be elimated as they say.
jobu hahahaha
jobu hahahahah
crank elimated?
crank ELIMATED?
crank YOURE GOING TO ELIMATE HIM?
jobu hurt, hes already gone.
crank OH GOD!@!
hurt crank yeah. i said elimated. that is what they call it. you fuck with
big hurt, you get fucked.
*** tMM jlantz@netcom8.netcom.com has joined zines
*** y0lkb0t sets mode: +o tMM
*** crank changes topic to hurt and if he is really come to get me, then
he will be elimated.
Gaurdian Ive always wanted to kill someone I didnt know.
Gaurdian Sort of a fantasy.
jobu hahaha
jobu kid you got big problems
Gaurdian If you have no MOTIVE, its tough to convict, ya know?
jobu 320 POUNDS of problems
hurt jobu no i dont got big problems, since you are the one that is kaynine
or whatever.
Gaurdian Would anyone REALLY believe that a nice guy like me would break
into someones house, not steal anything, and kill someone in cold
blood for no reason?
Gaurdian Of course not.
*** Vanir god@peo24.mtco.com has joined zines
jobu not. haha
jobu this is my account.
jobu hahahaha
Vanir ello
crank hey matt
jobu you think a big guy like rj is going to have the mind to buy an account
on his own?
jobu duh.
hurt jobu i believe you. but you logged off and changed handles.
jobu hes big. not smart.
jobu duh. we use the same local system.
jobu its the same fucking account.
tMM they go to the same school dumbass.
jobu hahahaha
hurt jobu anyways if rj just left, then my hitmen would be able to track
him down after i connect to the system and find out where he lives.
crank is that so?
hurt crank yeah it is. but, i believe this conversation has gone to far.
tMM hitman?
jobu hahaha
jobu youre assuming that you can find him.
jobu which yuou CANT!!@!
hurt jobu i cant find him, but my friends hitmen can.
jobu sure they can
tMM is this mafia or just some gang-bang shit?
tMM are you a whigger, hurt?
jobu hahahaha
hurt tmm this is mafia. it is a family thing.
tMM hurt: what family?
crank hurt: youre in the MAFIA?!
tMM hurt: my grandfather knows a lot of mafia stuff.. im italian myself.
crank hurt: the mafia ! twelve year olds with bb guns.
hurt crank im part of it. the italian mafia.
crank oyeah?
crank do you own the par-a-dice casino in east peoria by any chance?
tMM hurt: what family?
tMM hurt: what family?
tMM hurt: what family?
tMM hurt: what family?
jobu boy. im glad he left. i get all his chinese food. umm. :
crank hurt: just wondering!
hurt crank buddy ol pal, that was a stupid question to ask.
tMM buddy ol pal? when did daffy duck get on?
jobu crank, what did dumbass there say?
crank I asked if he owned the par-a-dice casinos.
jobu no no no
crank no?
jobu what did he say to make rj all mad an shit?
crank oh! heh.
tMM he was insulting crank
tMM like
crank more shit about me and getting drunk with him. you know how damned
protective he is of me.
tMM the one thing that rj will go ballistic about
tMM hey hurt
jobu holy shit. good job dumbass
Vanir jesus. you remember what happened the last time.... is he still on
probation?
crank I dont think so ..
jobu dont you know about crank being his sis and all?
crank I wonder how the other guy is doing with his wheelchair.
jobu maybe he can loan it to you
tMM you still havent answered me
tMM WHAT FAMILY ARE YOU A PART OF?!
Vanir he still walks with a limp. I saw him on the quad the other day at
isu and he tried to avoid me.
crank heh. well, at least hes recovered that far.
Gaurdian You know whatd be cool? A mailbomb! You could sign the card
The REAL Unibomber and maybe get Kacyznski off the hook.
jobu CRANK IS HIS SISTER DUMBASS. YOU STILL THINK YOURE FUCKING SAFE HAHAHA
tMM why is hurt not talking?
crank too busy cleaning up his accident.
crank seriously. our family is so tight. heh, apparently, if hes willing to
dismember for me.
tMM dood
jobu no shit
jobu he said that he was gonna fuck whoever this shithead is up good..
tMM *** CTCP PING reply from hurt: 58 seconds
jobu i hope he fuckin bought pizza before he left
* jobu is away lookin for dinner
hurt tmm yeah. what. i was taking a piss. and it is the silician mafia.
does that answer your question?
tMM silician?
tMM is that supposed to be sicillian?
tMM like
tMM silicon mafia?
tMM hahaha
*** crank changes topic to hurt and it is the silician mafia.
hurt tmm oops my bad. sicilian.
tMM YOU CANT EVEN SPELL YOUR OWN FAMILIES NAME?!
tMM you are either :
tMM 1. stupid
tMM 2. lying
tMM i vote fo the latter
crank jobu: is rj still on all those weird psychoactive drugs?
jobu no. he ran out. the doc said he shouldnt be out in public, but he
just woudlnt listen
Vanir only relafin. the others they took him off when he started seeing
things.
crank oh, ok. well, thats something in hurts favor.
jobu not really
jobu hes still on roids
jobu the valium only slowed him down
tMM hurt: yeah right
tMM first of all
tMM THERE IS NO SICILIAN MAFIA
tMM there is no unified sicilian mafia
tMM its broken up
tMM into a bunch of different famies
hurt tmm dont tell me what to do. just dont.
Gaurdian Hahaha... silicon mafia. Thats kinda cool, actually.
tMM hurt: what did i tell you waht to do?
tMM I TOLD YOU THAT YOU WERE WRONG
tMM NOT WHAT TO DO
hurt tmm fuck you. yes, there is. how would you even know. tell me that.
its not like we go around all that time saying, yep, im part of the
sicilian mafia.
tMM hurt: you are doing exactly that.
jobu crank! did you hear me!@? he STILL ON STEROIDS.
jobu fuck.
jobu never mind
crank yeesh.
jobu im gettin my pizza now
crank well.
tMM and i know because i am italian and my grandfather has a lot of friends
from chicago and cincinnati
tMM i lived in cincinnati for five years.
crank I hope you have time to get anohter yellow journal out, hurt.
crank before you lose the use of your body.
tMM sheesh hurt
hurt tmm im not doing that. you asked me what family im in and i answered
the fucking question.
tMM no
tMM there is no sicilian family
tMM thats a fucking country
tMM not a family
tMM duh
hurt tmm have you ever lived in new york. no. i was born and raised there.
that is where we came into the country. where it orginated.
* Gaurdian is laughing at the dead man walking
tMM hurt: wow.. my grandfather immigrated from ITALY
tMM and what does being born in new york do for you?
tMM give you lung cancer from all the pollution
crank gives you an accent.
hurt tmm like so did my grandfather and my dad was born there.
hurt tmm do you know anything about the italian mafia.
tMM I JUST TOLD YOU
tMM my grandfather has friends.
jobu HOLY FUCKIN SHIT HE TOOK THE HAMMER. HAHAHA
tMM when he immigrated over he lived in the upper peninsula of michigan
tMM then moved down to chicago right before the war.
jobu at least that big dumshit bought food b4 he went nnuts
tMM dude
tMM hurt, your attempt to intimidate me really doesnt work
hurt tmm most of the big italia mafia makes there home in new york, but
there is other famalies throughout the country.
tMM dont tell me what to do, just dont
tMM yeah
tMM i know that.
tMM and there is no sicilian family
tMM a bunch of families might constitute a mafia from sicily
hurt tmm how do you know? how did you find out about that?
tMM but there is no one unified mafia
tMM I JUST TOLD YOU
tMM my grandfather has friends.
tMM i am not in it.
jobu um. does anyone know if rj said anything about kansas? he was supposed
to pick up some fireworks and other shit
tMM he once was.
tMM he told me a lot of stuff
tMM because i asked.
hurt tmm did you just ask your grandfathers friends.
tMM no
tMM i asked my grandfather.
hurt is he there right now.
jobu hey crank!
crank yeah?
jobu did he say anything about kansas?
Gaurdian So, uh.
Gaurdian Anyway.
Gaurdian What good is being in the mafia supposed to do you, anyway?
tMM with me?
tMM nope
tMM he still lives in cincinnati
tMM i dont live there anymore.
crank oh, uh, he said hurt was on the way, so I assume hes heading
elsewhere, but he didnt specify.
tMM hes going to have hitmen get rj
jobu ok. cool shit
hurt then how can you ask him the question of is there family by that name.
you cant. so dont go jumping the gun.
crank but you may have to, hurt! ha ha!
tMM uhm
tMM i didnt jump a gun
tMM i used to talk to him about families
tMM and it just so happens that
tMM in THE GODFATHER
tMM there was a family called the corleone family that some people called
the SICILIAN mafia
tMM i asked him if that was true
tMM he said there is no unity in the mafia
tMM just a bunch of families looking out for themselves
hurt tmm cool it. it is a expression.
tMM hurt: what is an expression
Vanir he just doesnt understand. when rj goes, its not just a fit of rage.
jobu hey! remember what rj did to that revrend guy?
jobu haha. god he couldnt even walk withougt pissing his pants
crank you know, I bet hurt doesnt believe any of this.
crank thats the best part.
tMM hurt: dont change your story
hurt tmm well guess what. you caught me lieing. which you probably already
knew. but, thanks to you, i learned alot about the italian mafia. but,
i really do have a friend that is part italian and his fathers whole
enter family is in it, except for his father.
crank its too bad we wont be getting a picture of hurts face when rj shows
up .. well, before its broken, that is.
tMM wow
Vanir he plans everything weeks in advance. that gives him a lot of time to
get people together...
tMM that was hard.
crank hey, its good to admit to that stuff.
hurt crank i know.
Gaurdian Youre not going to find a hitman whos gonna do a job for you,
hurt. You little punk.
tMM why dont you do it yourself
jobu he couldnt take rj!@
jobu FUCK!
jobu hahahahahahhahahAHAH
Vanir that still doesnt change the fact that rj is coming to fuck you up
man. you may have been lying but were not....
hurt guardian my friends drug dealer has hitmen, which my friend could
hire for free. since he buys so much.
Gaurdian Ha.
Gaurdian Thats just talk.
tMM oooh
tMM its a brother-thang
tMM hurt is all talk
Gaurdian Theyll say stuff like that, but they wont follow through.
tMM hes nothing
crank oh, sure Ill off a guy for you! what, oh, no charge. you sell me so
much shit, man, this ones free!
Vanir this guys a moron.
Gaurdian Nothing comes free.
Vanir err... a dead moron...
hurt tmm everyone is all talk.
tMM i am not
Vanir buy one hit get one free
Gaurdian Ha. I really would kill for free... just once. Id like to follow
someone around for a few weeks, ya know. Watch their house. Never
use cars, just go on foot... Thatd just rule. Figure out when
they come and go... when theyre alone...
tMM i mean every word i say here
tMM and back up my words.
tMM and do not lie
tMM that doesnt constitute all talk.
hurt tmm so i lied. i sinned. i have no god to forgive me. i dont give a
rats ass. i have my own beliefs.
tMM which are?
crank your beliefs wont save your body, hurt.
hurt tmm i dont feel like talking about them with you.
jobu FUCK FUCK FUCK
tMM you better make your peace with god before rj gets there
tMM because you are going to see him quick
jobu THE WHOLE FUCKING DOORFRAME IS FUCKING RUINED
tMM both rj and god.
hurt to think like awhile ago this place was dead and ive got everyone
talking. im so wonderful.
jobu THATS FUCKING 400 BUCKS
tMM yeah
tMM pat yourself on the back.
crank it always gets busy this time of night.
jobu THERES FUCKING PLASTER ALL OVER FUCK
Vanir eulogies always bring traffic
hurt tmm now that is all talk.
Vanir I said that the last time somebody fucked w/ crank. sigh
tMM hurt: what is all talk?
jobu crank why didnt you try to stop him??!! shit. i dont have the money
to replace the door
jobu FUCK!
hurt tmm that someone is coming to get me. when he doesnt even now
my last name and he barely knows the state i live in.
tMM no it isnt
tMM rj is going to visit you.
tMM thats reality
tMM he knows your last name
crank jobu: he left before I could say much. I tried, but you KNOW how he
is. dont blame me if my brother is fucking psycho.
jobu FUCKING A
hurt tmm how do you know? and no he doesnt. because i barely told him my
first name.
jobu BUT WHOS GONNA PAY FOR MY FUCKING DOOR?!??!??
crank we will somehow, aaron.
tMM john mitchell
tMM correct?
jobu shit
jobu i fucking hate his fucking temper.
hurt tmm yes, but you either checked your chat logs or just looked at the
yj issues. didnt you? am i correct?
tMM IF I KNOW THEN RJ KNOWS
jobu no dood
jobu he has a hugeass list of names
jobu and stufff hes got like all these friends on the west coast
jobu hes awesome at finding people.
Vanir theres stuff available to the public that will map someone email
address right to the street its from. if you dont believe me, try
lycos roadmap. he knows you and where you live so i suggest you get
a REALLy good apology ready.
hurt vanir i got one for him. ill shove my gun up his ass and blow him to
fuck. is that good.
jobu hahahahha
crank you wont do it in time.
jobu hahahhahha
crank you forget.
crank how tall are you, hurt?
hurt 68
jobu HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
crank right.
crank how tall are you, hurt?
hurt 68
jobu HAHAHAHHA
jobu god. your gonna die
crank is that 58?
hurt and 247.
jobu and its gonna be funny
---cameo!-------------------------------------------------------------------
*** echs exodus@ns2.pla-net.net has joined zines
echs pHRcREedr3liSh m0gm3rcUrim3rcUri dT0m3rcUricREed0PzcH3M
ch0crAdm0gm0rphb3liAl pHRcREedr3liSh
z1N3t4lk
*** echs exodus@ns2.pla-net.net has left zines
---cameo!-------------------------------------------------------------------
hurt crank no. 68
tMM yeah right
tMM 68
tMM bahahaha
jobu crank it doesnt matter how tall he is.
crank 247. he still has a good seventy pounds on you.
Vanir 68 247 and its all bone. heh
jobu shit
hurt this is horse shit. i like how all of you lie.
jobu uh huh.
jobu yeah.
tMM yeah
tMM you lie too.... i guess you are one of us!@
*** hurt has quit IRC Leaving
Vanir hurt: you oughta sell real estate
crank hurt: do you have an unnaturally large head?
crank oh man!
tMM NO
crank hahaha.
tMM HE LEFT
crank cut the log.
crank send it up.
Gaurdian Oh.
jobu like if were lying and shit, we always have to pay for all the shit
he fucks up. i just got done helping with hostpital bills. im not
going to pay for yours either, dumbass
Vanir hahaha
Gaurdian Man... ya know, height and weight mean fucking NOTHING.
crank true.
crank but he wouldnt know that.
tMM *** Signoff: hurt Leaving
tMM *** Signoff: hurt Leaving
tMM *** Signoff: hurt Leaving
jobu thank you, thank you
crank rj! logs!
crank matt saw merely half!
Gaurdian I know a guy, he much be under 58, but he could so damn beat the
crap out of people.
jobu ill log off, edit them, and send them up.
crank rj
jobu hmm?
Vanir coolio
Gaurdian Shit, he was a double blackbelt or something, and he didnt seem
to feel pain.
crank start it around where he asks me to get drunk with him. I think thats
good.
jobu ok.
tMM hahaha
jobu ok. brb
tMM i should put that in relish
jobu fuckin shit up
---the end-------------------------------------------------------------------
this is the end of the log. see they even said they were going to edit it. i
believe i got part of the edited version. you can tell kaynine who logged
this was playing a joke on me when he logs off and then relogs on to capture
the rest. there was a part left out between that time that i said he was full
of crap and he aint going to get me. i went along with his shit. so im
clearing that up with everyone right now.
- big hurt
---the real end--------------------------------------------------------------
well, this is it. youve read through the ENTIRE y0lk. email me and ill
lavish you with love and affection. thats phorce@nexxus.novasys.com
if youve just skipped ahead to read this, then FUCK YOU. HMMPH.
what a bunch of losers we are.
-- creed
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