hen
t h e e r
the Blender: a food processor reducing ideas to paste
w h a t s t h e p o o p ?
warpus HEY EVERYONE, we begin collecting words in about 10 minutes, but
feel free to send them in early if you want. we demand a subject
i.e. skeletor, an activity i.e. voting, and a location i.e.
casablanca
Cthulu I dont know if were going to improve on that example, warpus
warpus THE WORD COLLECTINGUS IS OFFICIALLY ON
tainted poo/pooping/in poop
it doesnt even have to be brown poo, it could be white, like dried
cat poo
warpus blender is a high brow event, the only poop we accept is fancy
french le poop with creme freche
w h a t a r e t h e w o r d s r e a l l y ?
Cthulu all right, the souls of the departed have delivered the goods!
who is doing the action? why, that most Halloweeny cohort, MASKED
CHILDREN
what are these masked children doing, pray tell?
nicky nine doors?
warpus they are of course ENGAGING IN TERRORISM
Cthulu that escalated quickly!
and where are these terroristic acts taking place, in what
contested territory?
why, at THE CIRCUS of course!
naturally
that old cliche
warpus it seems every famous painter in existence has painted this scene
already, but what the hell
Cthulu Very Bosch
Tres Dali
d a d j o k e b r e a k
Cthulu Ok, and were just wrapping things up here
/me points at a mummified pharaoh at the other end of the room
h o w d i t g o ?
warpus BLENDERA OVERA
Cthulu Ok, we are just consolidating our submissions and deliberating over
them
warpus some nice entries!!!
Cthulu Ok, we really didnt know what we were going to get
Specifically, we really didnt know if we were going to get any
submissions at all
warpus 16c was oddly super quiet for like 20 hours, after the blender
announcement was made
Cthulu This Blender was a real field of dreams exercise in if you build it
they will come
warpus if you milk it they will froth
Cthulu But we kept it going under the assumption that the artists would
reward our faith and we were vindicated
All hail faith in the artists!
warpus it sparked some really visually appealing pieces
Cthulu We got a full podium this time, a step up from the previous Blender
warpus should i announce who got 3rd place? SHOULD I??
Cthulu Dont even think about it
warpus my inner ancestral memories cant help it but think about this
intently
this time around we had a surprising unanimous verdict
Cthulu Unanimity never happens so this was like a sign from God
Or maybe Satan
Probably Satan come to think of it
warpus usually me and cthulu fight over who ranks where with brooms smacking
over our faces like in some weird mongolian porn
Cthulu We have all this combatative energy we failed to vent in the actual
judging this time
warpus maybe we need a judge overlooking the judges
Cthulu The tension needs to find another outlet
warpus judge now, sex later
Cthulu /me unzips
Hang on, Im feeling a breeze
/me rezips
warpus put on some pants!
Cthulu Oh damn, what was I zipping there
Best not to think about it
I m e a n t t h e s c o r e s , d u m b a s s
Cthulu In third place, Darkman Almighty crammed in a dense scene of masked
child circus terror in a single 80x25 screen, winning third place and
a point for Mist
warpus hey, I was going to announce 3rd place
Cthulu If you like you can reannounce it
warpus i am totally reannouncing it
In third place comes the nicely assembled smallscale piece drawn by
Darkman Almighty representing Mistigris
ok, announce 2nd place
Cthulu Taking two points for Lazarus and presumably not the loop... A real
dystopian piece by sIMONKING!
You might think that child terrorism is necessarily dystopian but
this is so even by those standards
warpus maybe im misinterpreting the scene, but it seems to have subverted
the theme in an unexpected way, while also working well with the
words. plus the colour selection in the top and execution is just
chefs kiss
Cthulu Now who won, warp?
warpus oh yeah, a winner!
we have one of those
Cthulu Only one?
Must be a slow quarter
warpus the winner this time around is the infamous LDA, scoring however many
points we usually give for 1st for Mistigris
It was a well balanced scene with great composition and a well
thought out approach to the 3 words
Cthulu Almost feels like a Muppet show outtake
warpus congrats to all participants!! you did the blender proud
wed give you all free compementary blender branded blenders, if we
had the means to do so
n e x t u p ?
Cthulu And we havent carved this in stone or anything, but I think
tentatively we should be expecting the first Blender of 2025 on like
January 18-19
warpus the stone that is going to be carved in has been ordered and is in the
mail
Cthulu Save the date!
Shave the ape!
Engrave the grape!
warpus youre such a grapist
Cthulu We always do all of these in preparation for a Blender, we just dont
discuss it publicly
Go through so many razors keeping that gorilla smooth
warpus this whole exchange you just read between us was 100 AI generated
and practiced memorized weeks in advance
Cthulu But like they say, you cant cook an omelet without clogging a few
sets of clippers with greasy black monkey fur
Ok, hats off to the participants again, thumbed noses to all the
absentees, and well catch you all next time!
warpus INSERT CLEVER CATCHPHRASE INDICATING THE END OF PROCEEDINGS
o n e m o r e t i m e !
if there ever is another blender, it will most likely be held:
if not sooner!
saturday, january 18th - sunday, january 19th, 2025
2:00pm - 2:00pm est
blender on EFnet
please join us. - hennifer
warpus
cthulu