Blockfury - August 1985 -
Its late!, yes I KNOW!.. but we have a perfectly good
excuse!, WE HACKED TOO MUCH TIME!.. We had an agenda.. and it was to build a
time machine, and we did it, it was a collective effort from all members of 67.
Chris Lewis was supposed to design the time machine, but all he ended up doing
was cry himself to a corner in a fetal position screaming out
gros penis lancinante est mon ami!, i think its in french, feel free to
google translate.
Mattmatthew was the designated fabricator.. he was in charge of the
construction and the final touches on this beast-like machine. Although we were
110 confident in mattmatthews abilities on creating this time machine, we
would also enlist aaron fricks expertise on this project.. together they both
felt that it would be in the groups best interest to just start drinking beer
and seeing where that would lead them.. consequently this caused the machine to
be finished with some faults.. ONE being that when we used the time machine, it
would send us further back than we expected.. thanks aaron.
Upon our travels to the year 1985 we decided it was in our best interests to
try and somehow hack our way back to 2015.. since there was a beer bottle left
inside the actual machines cpu thanks aaron this made it near impossible to
do so.. So we did what any responsible adult would do..
TRACK DOWN YOUNG AARON FRICK AND BEAT HIS ASS..
Me and Luciano went to a phone booth and found aaron fricks details, we took
the piece of paper and went to the nearest gun store to load up so we could
teach young aaron a lesson.. The gunsmith was nice enough to let us walk out
of the store without paying for it.. after we told him our story and our
problem with the young aaron, and at one point the gunsmith even wanted to come
and fight with us.. his name was keith aaron nadolny.. he was wearing this
fucking dope beard and a cat t-shirt.. so we couldnt do this without him..
keith: LETS KILL DIS SON BITCH
ivan: YEAH FUQ THAT CUNT.
luciano: si.
Keith had this dope ass el camino with a sticker on it that said show me your
pussy.. he insisted it wasnt some type of sexual innuendo, i think i
believed him.
After driving for 70 miles or so Keith had become tired.. his days of breast
feeding had gotten the best of him and he needed to sleep.. lucy decided to
take the wheel as i wasnt used to driving on the opposite side of the road..
i explained that to luciano, and we got into a conversation about how weird it
is that i drive on the opposite side of the road in my country, so sure enough
luciano decides to see how it feels like to drive how we do in australia and
proceeds to steer towards the opposite side.
ivan hey.. hey man what the fuck are you doing?
luciano Si
keith snoring... cat noises.. some more snoring.. beard stroke..
ivan WHAT THE FUCK LUCY STAHP IT NOW!
luciano Si
After he said Si the second time i was somehow convinced that he understood whatit was i wanted, but i should have known better, he drove that car straight intoan on comming car... it wasnt pleasant but at least we still had eachother.
Keith was pretty bummed about the car and if i recall correctly.. keith said to
lucy
keith: DUDE YOU JUST FUCKED UP MY CAR.. I HAD THREE MORE PAYMENTS ON THIS BABY
AND IT AINT INSURED!
luciano: Si.. hee hee..
keith: fuck you motherfucker im gonna skullfuck your face untill your eyes fall out because clearly your eyes are useless even when you drive dick turd!
luciano: Si.. Si... Siiiiiiiiii
ivan calm down cunts.. KILL LUCY.. KILL HIM GOOD... THRUST YOUR STEELY ROD
IN HIS EYEBALL!
**** inserts weird slushing noise now ****
Okay, now luciano is no longer with us.. im not at liberty so say how or why
hes no longer with us, but thats how it is, you join the dots..
Me and keith decide to walk into the nearest town so we can hijack a bus at
the local bus stop.. and BEHOLD!, theres a nice yellow school bus just begging
to be stolen, its got our names all over it.. literally it does, i just saw
keith bombing up the bus with our names. We drove that bus all the way to
Aarons hometown of washington D.C.. just incase you didnt know its the
gayest city of america, and aaron belongs there.. that city has a whopping 17
elected gay officials, it was only right that aaron was brought up here..
We stepped off the bus and asked this random girl who called herself
pat swanson if she knew where aaron frick lived..
pat swanson tee heee he lives across the street on the corner of buttthrust ln.ivan k thanks sweetheart.. say thats a nice beard youre growing.. is that the
effects of post menopause?
*** SILENCE ***
pat swanson rips this street post from the ground with her bare hands.. nothing
but estrogen fueling this menopausal rage.. he turns green and runs towards me,
feeling helpless i crouch into a little ball and pray for the best possible
outcome, and within a second i open my eyes and see a strong keith staring down
at me with the sun behind him so he totally looked like a saint, turns out he
out bearded him by grabbing his own beard and wrapping it around pats neck and
strangling her till there was no more air.. THANKS KEITH I OWE MY LIFE TO YOU.
we walk up to the front door step of where young 1985 aaron would be living,
** DING DONG **
young aaron whos there?
keith its the candy man, ive got free candy for you!
lucianos ghost si si..
aaron opens the door excited to see a bearded man and his helper with two bags
of candy, when suddenly keith takes out two ak47s from the bag and throws one toivan.. aaron freaks out and tries to slam the door shut, but ivans tree kickingskills have come to play here, he kicks the timber door open with his foot of
justice and its forced aaron to cower up stairs into his bedroom, keith goes
running towards aaron, while i go into the kitchen pantry as i was pretty hungryand i thought keith could do with a good meal too, so i started prepping up
some roast pork and potatoes..
Keith manages to run upstairs and opens aarons bedroom door.. he starts
whistling and singing, just to get the suspense going whistle.. 1, 2 tourettes
is comming for you.. 3, 4 ivan just kicked your door... 5, 6 EAT A DICK!
*BLAAAAM BLAAAM BLAAAM*
keith finds aaron and aims his ak47 at his odd shaped head.. aaron at this
stage was begging to be saved... said he would do anything to not be killed..
aaron PLEASE DON KILL ME MR CANDY MAN!
keith SHUT UP KID, ITS TOO LATE..
ivan NOOOOO! STOP!
keith stops for a minute and thinks.. WTF? WE JUST HACKED TIME FOR THIS GUY AND
NOW YOU DONT WANT TO KILL LITTLE AARON?, so keith did what any normal person
would do.. he killed ivan.. yep, shot me right in the anus.. he felt so guilty
that he didnt end up killing aaron, he just beat his ass with his leather belt.
Then walked over to aarons computer, turned it on.. fired up thedraw and made
sure this pack came out....
- Ivan segaric
Ivan just asked me to write something for this pack. He just came home,
and I just ate dinner, and though we are separated by over 2000 miles
of Pacific Ocean, we still managed to be online simultaneously while he
passed me this file so I could append my barely coherent commentary in
this epic art pack. To make matters worse, he FB /dcced me the file
just as I was sliding doward into the Worlds Most Epic Food Coma sadly,
this coma will never come to fruition, now that I have been pressured
into remaining semi-cognizant, to author this NFO file for you, our dear
fans and jovial readers.
It should be noted that in the year of last the individuals who curated
and collated our 2014 releases, made a concerted effort to bring a sense
of legitimacy to our releases, by changing and formalizing the language
written in our NFO files.
It has been all for naught. Blocktronics is not legitimate. We are the
maid-seducing, sailor-cussing, illegitimate bastard son of the ANSI
Art scene, and it was just our luck that people found us on Facebook,
and just so happened to Like us, and here we are. Not to mention that
there are over two decades of precedence in writing idiotic NFO files
to stop now would be disrespectful to the past accomplishments forged
within the creative fires of this medium.
So without further ado, we present Block Fury.
- Mattmatthew
Info header done by Argon of blocktronics.