SCENE FROM A SUBURBAN HOME, WHERE TWO WIVES DISCUSS THEIR HUSBANDS LOVE LIVES.
INT. FRONT PORCH OF SUBURBAN HOUSE, 11:37am
Two middle-aged, nondescript women are about to leave to do some shopping.
WIFE 1
Quick, lets get a move on before they run out of the good lettuce at the supermarket.
WIFE 2
I just hope there isnt a line to wait. Hey, whats this?
WIFE 1
Oh, a letter from my husband. Its personal. Would you like to read it?
WIFE 2
Oh, certainly. just give me a second and Ill be right with you.
WIFE 1
Sure, no problem.
WIFE 2 puts finger in air, in the one second motion/hand gesture and begins reading bits of
the letter aloud. After about 15 seconds, she folds it up, lights it on fire, and throws it on
the ground.
WIFE 2
That was certainly a letter, let me tell you!
WIFE 1
I was joking.
WIFE 2
What?
WIFE 1
I was joking. Of course I didnt want you to read that letter, and in the most humiliating and
distasteful manner concievable?
WIFE 2
Why the hell didnt you stop me?
WIFE 1
I was in shock. Thats possibly the worst thing Ive ever seen in my life.
WIFE 2
Hey... wait a minute. That isnt your husbands name. Nor does your husband work at at the
BANK.
WIFE 1
Well, excuse us for getting creative in our role-playing, you puritan.
WIFE 2
That wasnt even a sexy letter!
WIFE 1
Well, if thats what were doing outside the bedroom, I bet you can only imagine the stuff
going on inside, huh? Eh, am I right? With the sex and the hey hey? You know what Im talking
about. long pause I love him a lot. pause A LOT.
WIFE 1 GRABS WIFE 2s HAND.
WIFE 1
Help me.
SUDDENLY, A DOOR IS HEARD OPENING.
WIFE 1
Oh no, its my husband!
WIFE 2
How many times have I heard *THAT* before?
There is a long pause
WIFE 2
Ah, no, I joke, I kid. Come on, its funny!
WIFE 1
Shut up. Dont say anything.
HUSBAND 0 WALKS IN.
HUSBAND 0
Hello, ladies.
WIFE 2 STANDS UP, AND MAKES THE OOGITY BOOGITY gesture/hand motion.
WIFE 2
Well, if it isnt Mister Super-freak!
HUSBAND 0.
WIFE 2. Wait, a minute. What are you talking about.
WIFE 2
I just read your love letter. pause It sucked.
HUSBAND 0.
Oh, for christ sake, not again - honey, have you just been showing people the mail again?
WIFE 2
What?
WIFE 1
And it gets funnier every time I do it. Ha ha!
HUSBAND 0.
This is outrageous. This is insane. It was funny once. Once! And now its like, its like -
well its not just Once a week, honey - I swear, is it? No, you cant stop. with disgust
You cant even leisurely stroll.
WIFE 2
What are you, like, retarded?
INT. FRONT PORCH OF SUBURBAN HOUSE, 11:37am
Two middle-aged, nondescript women are about to leave to do some shopping.
WIFE 1
Quick, lets get a move on before they run out of the good lettuce at the supermarket.
WIFE 2
I just hope there isnt a line to wait. Hey, whats this?
WIFE 1
Oh, a letter from my husband. Its personal. Would you like to read it?
WIFE 2
Oh, certainly. just give me a second and Ill be right with you.
WIFE 1
Sure, no problem.
WIFE 2 puts finger in air, in the one second motion/hand gesture and begins reading bits of
the letter aloud. After about 15 seconds, she folds it up, lights it on fire, and throws it on
the ground.
WIFE 2
That was certainly a letter, let me tell you!
WIFE 1
I was joking.
WIFE 2
What?
WIFE 1
I was joking. Of course I didnt want you to read that letter, and in the most humiliating and
distasteful manner concievable?
WIFE 2
Why the hell didnt you stop me?
WIFE 1
I was in shock. Thats possibly the worst thing Ive ever seen in my life.
WIFE 2
Hey... wait a minute. That isnt your husbands name. Nor does your husband work at at the
BANK.
WIFE 1
Well, excuse us for getting creative in our role-playing, you puritan.
WIFE 2
That wasnt even a sexy letter!
WIFE 1
Well, if thats what were doing outside the bedroom, I bet you can only imagine the stuff
going on inside, huh? Eh, am I right? With the sex and the hey hey? You know what Im talking
about. long pause I love him a lot. pause A LOT.
WIFE 1 GRABS WIFE 2s HAND.
WIFE 1
Help me.
SUDDENLY, A DOOR IS HEARD OPENING.
WIFE 1
Oh no, its my husband!
WIFE 2
How many times have I heard *THAT* before?
There is a long pause
WIFE 2
Ah, no, I joke, I kid. Come on, its funny!
WIFE 1
Shut up. Dont say anything.
HUSBAND 0 WALKS IN.
HUSBAND 0
Hello, ladies.
WIFE 2 STANDS UP, AND MAKES THE OOGITY BOOGITY gesture/hand motion.
WIFE 2
Well, if it isnt Mister Super-freak!
HUSBAND 0.
WIFE 2. Wait, a minute. What are you talking about.
WIFE 2
I just read your love letter. pause It sucked.
HUSBAND 0.
Oh, for christ sake, not again - honey, have you just been showing people the mail again?
WIFE 2
What?
WIFE 1
And it gets funnier every time I do it. Ha ha!
HUSBAND 0.
This is outrageous. This is insane. It was funny once. Once! And now its like, its like -
well its not just Once a week, honey - I swear, is it? No, you cant stop. with disgust
You cant even leisurely stroll.
WIFE 2
What are you, like, retarded?
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