COMPLIMENTS OF THE UGLY CLUB... ...It's another Almost-Real-World post, this time slightly out of reality since its being distributed in a pack that people are bound to actually read instead of an Ugly Club pack like usual. For more information concerning the Ugly Club and all related mass-movements, see below the main text. But back to the here and now: This post comes straight from Discordia, a board that gets most of the flow north of Seattle. The topic of this post was based on a discussion of Disney's frighteningly overcool hit HACKERS, and how 31337 we thought it was. No, not really. But that chick in it was REALLY hot, wasn't she? I don't know about you, but i'd sure like to feel her boobies, if you know what i mean. That is, i wouldn't mind sticking my hand down her pants if you get my drift. Or should I say, at the risk of losing you to subtlety, i'd really love to fuck her brains out. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Fauve #6 @1360003*1 To: La Fuerve Puba #12 @1360003*1 Origin: Discordia (360)652-4802 Date: 07-14-97, 2:34p Subj: REAL HACKERS ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- > if a movie were made that realistically depicted hackers and hacking > in general, it would be SSOOOOOOOOO BORING... REAL HACKERS: a movie Scene 1: fade up title/credits, light techno in background, followed by the sound of rapid, erratic typing. fade up into a messy room, pitch black except for the warm glow of a computer monitor's warming glow on the face a pasty-skinned geek and his immediate surroundings, which consists of a large pile of books on the floor, a number of punk/techno/sorayama posters on the wall, and several hundred pop cans on the desk. (The sound of a door opening offscreen, light pours into the room) Hacker 1: (With squinting grimace) ah! shit, will you close the fucking door? (Light fades and we hear a door close) (Hacker two enters from foreground) Hacker 2: (Singing) It's a beautiful morning... i think i'll... (suddenly stops singing and shouts rudely) Jesus, what is that fucking smell? Hacker 1: It's me. i spent all last night digging through the dumpsters at GTE. Those guys sure eat a lot of donuts. But actually, i havent showered for three days, so i guess i deserve some of the blame. Hacker 2: Blame is for minor offenses, smelling like that is punishable by a vigorous caning in some countries. So did you find anything? Hacker 1: (Disgusted) No. Hacker 2: So what are doing? Hacker 1: I'm trying to brute hack the GTE mainframe. Hacker 2: Oh. (watches for several minutes) You got a cigarette? (Hacker 1 opens a pack and removes a cigarette with one hand while typing, then motions the open pack in Hacker 2's direction. Hacker 2 takes a cigarette and sits with his back against the bed's headboard. both hackers light up simultaneously. Hacker 2 picks up a copy of Aristotle's ETHICS from the ground and begins to read.) (a half-hour passes, the camera does not move) Hacker 1: Hey, i got one. Hacker 2: (Without looking up) Cool. is it a good one? Hacker 1: Dunno yet. Hacker 2: (Looks up from book) You got another cigarette? Hacker 1: (Pulls a cigarette from his pack and tosses it carelessly behind his back) Freeloader. Hacker 2: (Struggles to stabilize cigarette without breaking it) hey, look who's talking. (said while lighting cigarette) (ten minutes passes) Hacker 1: Ah, shit, this guy is pretty low on the totem. Hacker 2: (Pseudo-sympathetically) Shit. (ten minutes passes) (Hacker 2 throws ETHICS carelessly back onto the two foot pile of books on the floor. digs underneath the bed for several seconds before producing a well-worn copy of HIGH SOCIETY magazine, which he promptly opens and begins reading.) (ten minutes passes) Hacker 2: Jesus, will you look at the tits on that? (fifteen minutes passes) Hacker 2: God, what an ASS! (looks for several more seconds) Holds the magazine up for Hacker 1 to see) LOOK at that! Hacker 1: (Without looking) Yeh, yeh, great ass. shut up. Hacker 2: Fuck you. (continues reading) (half hour passes) Hacker 1: (gets up violently) Fuck this. you want some burritos? Hacker 2: (still looking at magazine) yeh. ROLL CREDITS ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Prepared for distribution by Fauve of THE UGLY CLUB, (c/o seismic of remorse) No, you've probably never heard of us. Why? Because we distribute sub- standard shit, and we're damn proud of it. Why? Because low quality and lack of recognition are preferable to association with the likes of a bunch of elitist little jive monkeys. While i've actually got the ear of the community, i should probably exploit this opportunity to the fullest possible degree and weasel in a shameless plug or two... In the unlikely event you have any interest at all in our 'organization' (for lack of a better term) all the information you would ever want to know and more is available simply by contacting fuerve@everett.net He'd be more than happy to annoy you with his mindless ravings, and he will probably send you all 300k of our packs if the thought crosses his prozac-scarred synapses. Oh, and we would LOVE for you to host an ftp site for us if its within your means. A gopher site would be even better. If you think you admire us enough to do so, contact fuerve at the address above for some complimentary cybersex. 4 15 14 20 0 25 15 21 0 8 1 22 5 0 1 14 25 20 8 9 14 7 0 2 5 20 20 5 18 0 20 15 0 4 15 0 23 9 20 8 0 25 15 21 18 0 20 9 13 5 0 20 8 1 14 0 20 15 0 4 5 3 15 4 5 0 5 22 5 18 25 0 19 20 18 9 14 7 0 15 6 0 14 21 13 2 5 18 19 0 25 15 21 0 19 5 5 Oh yeah, hail Eris and stuff. 23 5 17 27 42 69 seismic of remorse 1981. --------------------------------------\/ Abraxas for MHz ---------------------- ... ______ _____ _______ ______ __ __ ______ ____ ... :: _\ __ /_ \ /___ _\__ \_ _\ __ /_ _\ \/ /_ _\ __ /_ _( _/_ :: : _\ __ \__\___ \_\ / _/__\ __ \_\ __ \_\ __ \__\___ \ : _\ \/ _ \/ ___\ \/ _ \/ _ \/ _ \/ \_ `----/______/____,----'smc\-----/----/______/--/______/--/______/____,----' ___________ __ _____________________ ____ __ _ _ /__________//_//____________________//____ -----\/ Aftermath for Hitek --------------------------------------------------- .. ______ . _____________ _____ .... _______ .... .. . . : _\ __ /_ _\ ______ |__\ __/___ _\__ \_ a f t e r _\ __ \| __\ | ___ _) \_\ / _/__ M A T H _\ \/ ~_ | . |_ ||__ ____\ / _ _____ ___ _ _ \----/______/ | :. /---| /--------\ .. \ / / //___((* )___\\ \ : / smc\---/ -------------------------------------------------\/ Crisp for Dark Entity ----- .... ____ /\/ \ ___________ :::: ___________/ _\ _ \ / | X ........ | \/ X : \ :::::'______ : _______ / __ ____ _______ .. .......:::: _\ ___/__ _\__ \_ (__) _( _/___\___ \ . : :.:::::::::: _\ \/ \_\ / _/_| |_\___ _ \/ \_ ::: |__ _____\ _ ___ \/ \| .----' :::. /--------\ .. \-----/|---\ /____,----| | smc .:::::..::::::::..:::.... .... . ... .. . .: : :' . ---\/ mass distortion for biogen ---------------------------------------------- ___ ___ ______ ____ ____ ..:::::::::: _\ \/ \ _\ __ /_ _( _/_ _( _/_ `::::::::: _\ \/ \_\ __ \__\___ \_\\___ \ .............. .. .. . |____/ _ \/ _ \/ \_ \/ \_ :::::::::::::: :: :: .: smc//-------\---/______/____,----/____,----' ......... _____ __ ____ ___ /\ m a s s ___\ / ((_) _( _/__| |___ _ // \ /\ ___/ ___/_| |_\___ \ ___/ _ \ / \/ \ /\ / \/ __ ___ \/ ~_ | \ \/ \ // \ / _.----,____\|---\ /____,----/--| \ /\ /\ \/ \/ / : \ \ / \\/ \ /\ / \/ \ / \/ d i s t o r t i o n \\ / \/ ----------\/ modemland for whodini -------------------------------------------- _____ : _ ______/ / ___ ___ _______ _____ _____ ___ / \ / ___ / _\ \/ \ _\ __ /_ ___\ /_\ __/___ _\ \/ \ _______/__/ /__ / __\ \/ \_\ \/ \_/ ___/_\ _) \_\ \/ \_ /_________ / /__ _ _____/ __ / \/ ___ _____/ / / / /___ . /-------\/-------------,____\ /--------\ /-------\ / _/__/ /__ : : ______ ____ ____ _____ : . ::. . ....... / /____ /__// | |_\ __ /_ _\ \/ / ___\ / :.::::: : : :::: /____/ / / smc | |\ __ \_\ \ \ \_/ ___/_ ...:::::::...:::: /__/ | _ \/ ____\ _ \/ _| .::::::: ..:: |---\----/______/ \-----\---,____\ :..........:. :: --------------------------------\/ remorsedraw for mrKAY----------------------- _ .. _______ _____ ___ / \ _______ :: _______ ____ _____ _\__ \_ _\ __/___ _\ \/ \ _\ __ /_ _\__ \_ _( _/_ _\ __/___ _\ / _/__\ _) \_\ \/ \_\ \/ \_\ / _/___\___ \_\ _) \_|___\ ___ _____/ __ ____\ __ \/ __ / \ / /--------\smc/-------\/---------\ \-----/ /____,----'/--------\ ____ \---/ _______ ____ ___________ .. ______ ___ ____ | _| :: _ ___\\_//____ __ : r e m o r s e \ _____ _______ ______ ________ d r a w |\ ___\ / _\__ \_ _\ __ /_ ___\ / ___/\ ___ ___ _ : / ___/__\ / _/__\ __ \ /\ / \/ _/ \/ _____\ _ \/ /\___/ `----,____\ \-----/----/_______/ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .::::: g o o d b y e :::::: __ ____ __ _____ ____ _______ __ __ __ ______ _ ____ ___ __ ^ _( _/_ _\ __/___ _\__ \_ (__) _\ __ /_ | | ^ _\___ \_\ _) \_\ / _/_| |_\ __ \| | | |_ \/ __ ____\ _ _ \/ _ _| /____,----'/--------\smc \-----/|---\`----/______/--\ : _________ __ __________ ___ __ _ ...... \ / / / / :::::: ...... SAUCE00Real Hackers Seismic ACiD Productions 19970910Í,