THE BEGINNING
David Letterman made 4 unusual sounds in a row and said: Ladies and
Gentlemen, it is time for stupid human tricks. This week we have with
us a deranged American president who will sit on my shoulder and
sing us a little song.
But before any of that Paul Shaffer here will put his own genitals
in his own mouth and gurgle them in lieu of an intro song.
Thats because we fired our entire writing staff to appease our
corporate overlords. From now on everything will be written by the CEOs
Japanese toilet
BADUHM TSHHH
Dave looks at the camera and stares at it until youre hard.
Suddenly a ladder opens up at the top of the stage and a man is seen
descending from the ceiling to the tune of the 1980s hit The Final
Countdown.
This is exactly whats wrong with America today, said the president.
This sort of nasty extremist late night propaganda should be banned from
American airwaves, otherwise our children will go crazy and eat
everybodys crayons.
SING MR PRESIDENT, SING LIKE THE LITTLE CORPORATE SELLOUT YOU ARE, yelled
David Letterman at the president from the top of his desk, as he fumed
at the mouth and released a primal scream into the studio sky.
Suddenly Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Fillion, Jason Alexander, Stevie Colbert,
and Carrot Top took off their masks to reveal that they are in fact the
top late night talk show hosts in America and Turkey.
We are the Avengers of late night comedy and we are here to save the
Constitution, they announced in harmony and in unison.
ENGAGE THE BITS
The talk show hosts took off their pants and exposed their extravagantly
not safe for work dangly bits. And some say you could hear the networks
shut down one by one, as the mere glistening reflections on the shafts of
the cocks of the late night talk show hosts caused a chain reaction of
civilization collapse in only 17 minutes and 15 seconds, starting with
New Jersey.
The beavers were the only animals who survived the catastrophe, as
supply chain issues related to civilization collapse killed the bees, the
plankton, and the coral reefs, which killed everything else. Except for
the beavers, who somehow survived by building dams.
Then a duck came out of nowhere and rose to power, ruling over the beavers,
who eventually created talk shows to discuss the wisdom of allowing a duck
to rule beaver civilization or even be in charge of any part of the dam
design or construction process.
THE END