COMPLIMENTS OF THE UGLY CLUB...
...Its another Almost-Real-World post, this time slightly out of reality
since its being distributed in a pack that people are bound to actually read
instead of an Ugly Club pack like usual. For more information concerning the
Ugly Club and all related mass-movements, see below the main text.
But back to the here and now: This post comes straight from Discordia, a
board that gets most of the flow north of Seattle. The topic of this post
was based on a discussion of Disneys frighteningly overcool hit HACKERS,
and how 31337 we thought it was. No, not really. But that chick in it was
REALLY hot, wasnt she? I dont know about you, but id sure like to feel
her boobies, if you know what i mean. That is, i wouldnt mind sticking my
hand down her pants if you get my drift. Or should I say, at the risk of
losing you to subtlety, id really love to fuck her brains out.
From: Fauve 6 @1360003*1
To: La Fuerve Puba 12 @1360003*1
Origin: Discordia 360652-4802
Date: 07-14-97, 2:34p
Subj: REAL HACKERS
if a movie were made that realistically depicted hackers and hacking
in general, it would be SSOOOOOOOOO BORING...
REAL HACKERS: a movie
Scene 1: fade up title/credits, light techno in background, followed by the
sound of rapid, erratic typing. fade up into a messy room, pitch black
except for the warm glow of a computer monitors warming glow on the face
a pasty-skinned geek and his immediate surroundings, which consists of
a large pile of books on the floor, a number of punk/techno/sorayama
posters on the wall, and several hundred pop cans on the desk.
The sound of a door opening offscreen, light pours into the room
Hacker 1: With squinting grimace ah! shit, will you close the fucking door?
Light fades and we hear a door close
Hacker two enters from foreground
Hacker 2: Singing Its a beautiful morning... i think ill... suddenly
stops singing and shouts rudely Jesus, what is that fucking smell?
Hacker 1: Its me. i spent all last night digging through the dumpsters at
GTE. Those guys sure eat a lot of donuts. But actually, i havent showered
for three days, so i guess i deserve some of the blame.
Hacker 2: Blame is for minor offenses, smelling like that is punishable by
a vigorous caning in some countries. So did you find anything?
Hacker 1: Disgusted No.
Hacker 2: So what are doing?
Hacker 1: Im trying to brute hack the GTE mainframe.
Hacker 2: Oh. watches for several minutes You got a cigarette?
Hacker 1 opens a pack and removes a cigarette with one hand while
typing, then motions the open pack in Hacker 2s direction. Hacker
2 takes a cigarette and sits with his back against the beds headboard.
both hackers light up simultaneously. Hacker 2 picks up a copy of
Aristotles ETHICS from the ground and begins to read.
a half-hour passes, the camera does not move
Hacker 1: Hey, i got one.
Hacker 2: Without looking up Cool. is it a good one?
Hacker 1: Dunno yet.
Hacker 2: Looks up from book You got another cigarette?
Hacker 1: Pulls a cigarette from his pack and tosses it carelessly behind
his back Freeloader.
Hacker 2: Struggles to stabilize cigarette without breaking it hey, look
whos talking. said while lighting cigarette
ten minutes passes
Hacker 1: Ah, shit, this guy is pretty low on the totem.
Hacker 2: Pseudo-sympathetically Shit.
ten minutes passes
Hacker 2 throws ETHICS carelessly back onto the two foot pile of books
on the floor. digs underneath the bed for several seconds before
producing a well-worn copy of HIGH SOCIETY magazine, which he promptly
opens and begins reading.
ten minutes passes
Hacker 2: Jesus, will you look at the tits on that?
fifteen minutes passes
Hacker 2: God, what an ASS! looks for several more seconds Holds the
magazine up for Hacker 1 to see LOOK at that!
Hacker 1: Without looking Yeh, yeh, great ass. shut up.
Hacker 2: Fuck you. continues reading
half hour passes
Hacker 1: gets up violently Fuck this. you want some burritos?
Hacker 2: still looking at magazine yeh.
ROLL CREDITS
Prepared for distribution by Fauve of THE UGLY CLUB,
c/o seismic of remorse
No, youve probably never heard of us. Why? Because we distribute sub-
standard shit, and were damn proud of it. Why? Because low quality and
lack of recognition are preferable to association with the likes of a
bunch of elitist little jive monkeys.
While ive actually got the ear of the community, i should probably
exploit this opportunity to the fullest possible degree and weasel in
a shameless plug or two...
In the unlikely event you have any interest at all in our organization
for lack of a better term all the information you would ever want
to know and more is available simply by contacting fuerve@everett.net
Hed be more than happy to annoy you with his mindless ravings, and he
will probably send you all 300k of our packs if the thought crosses his
prozac-scarred synapses.
Oh, and we would LOVE for you to host an ftp site for us if its within
your means. A gopher site would be even better. If you think you admire
us enough to do so, contact fuerve at the address above for some
complimentary cybersex.
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Oh yeah, hail Eris and stuff.
23 5 17 27 42 69
seismic of remorse 1981.
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